While on his deathbed, my estranged father, who was being lovingly cared for by one of his daughters and her husband, demanded a king James bible and screamed at them that her husband was wrong for converting to Islam. As far as I was told, that young man was gentle, kind, and loved my father as his own. My father denounced him.
My father was a terrible person who left devastation in his wake. He demanded cult like loyalty from his children, friends, and even forced his children to remain friends with their exes. He was violently abusive to his wives and even left to go on a road trip with me so he could kill himself because he was going "to strangle her" (his wife at the time) because he had done something truly horrific and was angry at being caught. I learned all of that once we were on the road, as he hadn't been in my life until I was 21.
I'm glad he died before trump. Authoritarianism should die out.
I'm sorry for your experience, but I applaud your bravery in sharing that story. People just are not aware of the true cruelty of these authoritarians, or how much that ideology rots their minds. The masses are awakening though. Thanks again.
I have found that Knitting Cult Lady (I watch on YouTube) is very helpful for this, framing abusive families as single-family cults, and abusive “romantic” relationships as one-on-one cults.
Understanding that I grew up in a cult and married into another cult has been extremely helpful in un-brainwashing myself.
One of my friends is a psychologist who's studied autocratic personalities (as it relates to torture in other countries.) In June 2024, he and I did a series on my Substack. Reading it might help you continue to process the abuse you've endured. I link to the first one, but it was a week-long series. (I *think* I comped you access, but let me know if you can't get to it and I'll make sure.) https://andrawatkins.substack.com/p/five-key-traits-of-autocratic-people?utm_source=publication-search
They're also building a system where we'll have no choice but to play the role they demand. In families, they apply all kinds of pressure we can choose to walk away from. In society, it will be very difficult to refuse to comply or walk away once they build out their systems.
Yes, that’s why they want complete and total control. They’re much further along in building this than most people realize. The worst part is that when you start to complain, people are conditioned to just sigh and say, “Why are you making such a big deal about this?”
I got to read that article, thanks Andra! I find it interesting that I've also come to the conclusion that white supremacists deliberately target children during a developmental phase. I've written about this and how I had to overcome having my own compassion center more or less amputated by these jerks and having to rebuild it. You might find this interesting: https://walterrhein.substack.com/p/i-found-my-guidance-in-the-negative-8a0
We are recently estranged from some of my family. My sister-in-law is Republican and grew up that way. She wants complete control over our interactions with her children and we aren't allowed to say we disagree with her choices or how she views things even one-on-one with her and no children around. We have only ever shown them unconditional love and acceptance. We chose to cut ties rather than have relationships with the children used as a bludgeon against us. It hurts but we aren't willing to prostrate ourselves at her feet as though we've done something wrong.
Thank you for sharing, Walter. I'm glad you found the courage to articulate that question to your mother, and that she answered in a way that helped you keep going.
I've found that not only are supremacists and narcissists incapable of admitting failure; their definition of failure is always subjective and fluid. If they're looking for a reason to cause harm, any justification will do, no matter how inconsistent or illogical. That's damaging to anyone on the receiving end, but especially to a child forced to navigate this behavior instead of receiving the support and guidance they deserve.
So true. Conditions put on love is not love at all. Children need to know they are loved, worthy, or they grow up to have no center, no sense of their own abilities or value. Maybe become MAGAS. Sad.
While on his deathbed, my estranged father, who was being lovingly cared for by one of his daughters and her husband, demanded a king James bible and screamed at them that her husband was wrong for converting to Islam. As far as I was told, that young man was gentle, kind, and loved my father as his own. My father denounced him.
My father was a terrible person who left devastation in his wake. He demanded cult like loyalty from his children, friends, and even forced his children to remain friends with their exes. He was violently abusive to his wives and even left to go on a road trip with me so he could kill himself because he was going "to strangle her" (his wife at the time) because he had done something truly horrific and was angry at being caught. I learned all of that once we were on the road, as he hadn't been in my life until I was 21.
I'm glad he died before trump. Authoritarianism should die out.
I'm sorry for your experience, but I applaud your bravery in sharing that story. People just are not aware of the true cruelty of these authoritarians, or how much that ideology rots their minds. The masses are awakening though. Thanks again.
I have found that Knitting Cult Lady (I watch on YouTube) is very helpful for this, framing abusive families as single-family cults, and abusive “romantic” relationships as one-on-one cults.
Understanding that I grew up in a cult and married into another cult has been extremely helpful in un-brainwashing myself.
All the best to you.
Thank you Joanna!
Thank you for this post.
Thanks Sunsets and Coffee!
One of my friends is a psychologist who's studied autocratic personalities (as it relates to torture in other countries.) In June 2024, he and I did a series on my Substack. Reading it might help you continue to process the abuse you've endured. I link to the first one, but it was a week-long series. (I *think* I comped you access, but let me know if you can't get to it and I'll make sure.) https://andrawatkins.substack.com/p/five-key-traits-of-autocratic-people?utm_source=publication-search
They're also building a system where we'll have no choice but to play the role they demand. In families, they apply all kinds of pressure we can choose to walk away from. In society, it will be very difficult to refuse to comply or walk away once they build out their systems.
Yes, that’s why they want complete and total control. They’re much further along in building this than most people realize. The worst part is that when you start to complain, people are conditioned to just sigh and say, “Why are you making such a big deal about this?”
Thanks for the link, I’ll try and get it to work!
I got to read that article, thanks Andra! I find it interesting that I've also come to the conclusion that white supremacists deliberately target children during a developmental phase. I've written about this and how I had to overcome having my own compassion center more or less amputated by these jerks and having to rebuild it. You might find this interesting: https://walterrhein.substack.com/p/i-found-my-guidance-in-the-negative-8a0
ALL bullys ARE weak, insecure, narcissistic, and paranoid.
And they want YOU to be like that, also.
But we resist because we still respect ourselves and others.
We SHALL OVERCOME!
Absolutely true.
We are recently estranged from some of my family. My sister-in-law is Republican and grew up that way. She wants complete control over our interactions with her children and we aren't allowed to say we disagree with her choices or how she views things even one-on-one with her and no children around. We have only ever shown them unconditional love and acceptance. We chose to cut ties rather than have relationships with the children used as a bludgeon against us. It hurts but we aren't willing to prostrate ourselves at her feet as though we've done something wrong.
Thank you for sharing, Walter. I'm glad you found the courage to articulate that question to your mother, and that she answered in a way that helped you keep going.
I've found that not only are supremacists and narcissists incapable of admitting failure; their definition of failure is always subjective and fluid. If they're looking for a reason to cause harm, any justification will do, no matter how inconsistent or illogical. That's damaging to anyone on the receiving end, but especially to a child forced to navigate this behavior instead of receiving the support and guidance they deserve.
Yes. They are always shifting the goalposts to cover up their failures. That's their identity.
Transactional, not love, as they have no concept of love and cannot even love themselves. Thanks Walter
So true. Conditions put on love is not love at all. Children need to know they are loved, worthy, or they grow up to have no center, no sense of their own abilities or value. Maybe become MAGAS. Sad.