Does He Think He's a Wizard and the Executive Order Can Magically Change Reality?
He obviously didn't spend the last four years (or the four before that) learning anything about his job
Oh, so you're just going to sign a piece of paper and get rid of the Constitution? Is that how this is going to work? I get that your followers are cheering and gurgling to themselves because you've so successfully “stuck it to the libs,” but they're also getting angry that they're now paying a dollar an egg.
Remember, they spent all their money on gold shoes that were promised but never delivered.
He's just going to sit back at his desk like a mad wizard and marker molest scrolls until the universe bends to his will?
Keep sitting. Keep furrowing your brow. Give us a look that says defiantly angry. No... that look says mug shot. We want defiantly angry. No... mug shot again.
Mug shot.
Mug shot.
Fine, print it, yeah, we'll just tell you it looks great.
Just for fun, somebody should slip a couple Denny's menu's into the stack of executive orders the nazi think tank printed out for him.
“Gulf of America.”
“Hurricanes are now illegal.”
“What's this? A grand slam breakfast! I want to substitute bald eagle eggs!”
Who had 0.7 seconds on their Bingo card for the time it would take to see the first nazi salute from this administration?
I knew that we'd be facing a tidal wave of corruption, but I didn't expect that there would come a point where I'd be overwhelmed by the absurdity of it. We're about 24 hours in, and I'm finding myself starting to giggle.
Sure, it's a high, pitched whine that makes the dog run away, but it's giggling nonetheless. My wife tells me I sound like the Joker. To be honest, I've never understood him better than today.
Meanwhile, the guy keeps signing his name to total nonsense.
“Give my soul to a tech bro in exchange to get out of jail, absolutely!”
The only time he takes a break from the resolute desk is when he schedules a press conference to brag about how easy it is to rig voting machines.
I'm not even kidding! At this point, how can you do anything but laugh? I mean, yeah, I cry too. I cry most of the time in fact. But every now and then as wave after wave of corruption rolls over me, some part of my brain snaps. Then my reality goes all blurry, and instead of being up to my neck in toxic sludge, I'm sitting on a beach. I'm reclining on a lawn chair. The sky is as blue as a screen saver from the 80s. There are palm trees. There are drinks on a tray. I feel happy. I feel laughter bubbling up from within my chest.
I look over at the television and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is giving a presidential address. I feel good. I start to laugh...
And then I'm back in the cesspool with the syringes and the fecal matter and the gray skies and the acid rain. I think to myself, “America the beautiful.”
But bit by bit, a little bit of the laughter lingers like the scratch at the back of your throat that lets you know you're getting sick.
I'm shaking my head so much I'm going to break my neck. I thought I was as incredulous as I could get, only to realize I haven't even begun to be incredulous yet.
At this point, despite all my efforts to avoid signs of corruption, that's all I see. It's like trying to avoid reading a story about the Kardashians. You can't. They're everywhere you look somehow.
Then there was something about how he launched a crypto currency? Did you hear this? I guess it's worth 50 billion dollars now. Oh, that's just great! I'm sure adding 50 billion dollars to the currency isn't going to do anything to the few meager coins I've managed to toil away and save. Yeah, good for him.
I dimly remember something about how elected officials aren't supposed to take billions of dollars from shadowy sources, but oh well. The Constitution? That old thing! Ha, nobody listens to that. It's out of date and written in cursive. Yeah, it's totally fine for somebody to create 50 billion dollars for himself overnight. Nothing bad will come from that at all.
And this is the stuff that's seeping into my consciousness when I'm deliberately trying to NOT read anything about corruption. Imagine what I might find if I was actually looking...
Oh, and I'm at the beach again. There's President Ocasio-Cortez. She just solved our health care system. Your children no longer have to die from cancer as you go bankrupt. All Americans can buy a house and have enough to eat. That's nice...
Back to the cesspool again. Back to the turds and the syringes. You see, this... this is what America really wants! Misery! Stick it to the... well, everybody I guess. He didn't really mean it, except he did. Can I trade my crypto for eggs?
When I squint I can see him off in the distance. He's sitting in a gold tower surrounded by fast food wrappers. He's writing notes to himself and signing them into law.
“The day should be 26 hours long.”
“I get to live forever.”
“Night will now be spelled n-i-t-e.”
Signing, signing, signing.
At this point, I can't help but wonder if he might do anything that would make anyone object. He once claimed he could murder a person in broad daylight. Might he try it someday? Honestly, I don't know...
Here comes the sunny beach. President Ocasio-Cortez just ensured that everyone in the world would have a unicorn and a puppy. There's world harmony. We've saved the planet. There's happiness. Friends and neighbors still talk to each other and respect each other.
Whoops, back to dark world. Back in the one where criminals are rewarded and decent people are insulted and treated with scorn. Back in the world where people who cheat brag about it and get away with it and the people with the power to stop them do nothing.
How do I get to the world where Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is president? I mean, that one makes so much more sense. That has to be the real world right?
It can't be this one.
Can somebody please sign an executive order and transform darkness into day? Or better yet, sign a damn arrest warrant. I expect one of those would improve this timeline considerably.
I’m fading out again. Back to the beach, or maybe stuck between channels, that’s okay too. Anything’s better than this.
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How many times have his advisors explained asylum to him? Still he says they are coming from the asylums as recently as last Sunday - 2 days ago.
Thank you this is fantastic & much needed today!!!🤓✌️