Jesus Didn't Take the Wheel, So Billionaires Gave Us Self-Driving Cars

How far away are we from forcing children to pray to the gods of money? (Maybe we're already there)

For the record, I would prefer that this kind of thing isn’t taught in schools… (please support me if you agree)

Okay children, it's time to bow your heads and pray. Don't ask for an exception, you are required by law to obey. We will recite the pledge to billionaires. We need to speak it every day. Fuse these words with your identity or there will be Hell to pay.

Billionaires know better than you. That's what you have to believe.

They know better than you about how to raise your kids. They know better than you about what level of pollution is healthy. They know better than you about what makes the air unfit to breathe, and what makes the food unfit to eat.

They know. They've made these decisions for you.

You ask, “If the food is so good, why don’t the billionaires partake?” How innocent you are. I won't give you an answer other than to say your question was rude.

Billionaires know best about what your children need. They know what vaccines they shouldn't take. They know better than teachers what teachers should be allowed to say.

They have billions of dollars. What other justification do you need? Obviously they're better than us. Where are your billions? You can offer an opinion when you've earned the right to be believed.

Don't you know it's impossible to get billions of dollars by any means other than superiority? That's the only way. That's what the history books the billionaires give us all say.

Let's fall in line behind them. They'll show us the way! They'll teach us to become billionaires too! Their words are gospel. Their hearts are true!

Just think of all the people who have found prosperity by listening to their message. There are so many. Too many to recount even one! Billionaires have good advice because they sit on piles of money. If you fail, it's because you didn't listen. That's the only possible explanation.

Billionaires will fix all our problems. They have the money and the infrastructure and the power.

What's stopping them?

The people! It's like that other thing you talk about, what is it… herd immunity? All the people have to march in line. Why do the people resist? Why can't they see that all they need to do is comply?

Poor billionaires. If only we listened and obeyed them like we should. It hurts them to sit in their mansions and watch the rest of humanity suffer by holding onto beliefs that do them no good.

Have some compassion for the billionaires! Cease and desist! End your stubborn resistance!

All these peasants pretend to care about the problems of the world. They insist they're thinking about the future of their children. Don't you know that means nothing next to the brilliance of a billionaire? I mean, you sound hysterical.

The planet?

You're worried about the planet? How arrogant. Don't you know the planet has always been here. The planet is fine.

The price of an education? You're worried about that? Well, all the more reason to start listening to the billionaires. When you're a billionaire too the price won't matter. But don't listen to me. Yeah, yeah, you already know everything.

Now you want to talk about the dissenting opinions of experts. Are you kidding me? Experts are just people who are jealous of billionaires. If they were truly experts, they would have become billionaires themselves. Instead, they're nothing. They're like rodents nipping at a giant’s heels.

Now people are talking about jobs and healthcare and access to medicine. I confess I'm starting to get a bit frustrated. You don't hear billionaires complain about these things do you? How do you expect to become a billionaire if you don't model their behavior?

Billionaires know. So, put your questions aside. Have faith that greater powers will provide.

Billionaires have solutions for things. I don't blame them for not explaining. The hostility is deafening! There's such an anti-billionaire bias that it's no wonder that billionaires keep their solutions to themselves.

When billionaires see something that needs to be fixed, they fix it. They make a change. Then the world gets better because billionaires are always right. How could there be any other outcome?

To the billionaires we owe everything. Welcome to peak humanity.

You're welcome.

They're better than you. Their lives mean more. You should willingly sacrifice yourself in service to the true power that will enhance the world.

The billionaires won't thank you for dying, you should be thanking them for the privilege of having something noble to serve.

Thank you billionaires.

Thank you so much.

All you have to do is look around and you see evidence of this enduring truth. Every year the billionaires have more, and every year the rest of us have less. It's because they're so good! Why won't we listen to them? What's wrong with us?

I mean, obviously, they don't play by the same rules as we. That's our fault, not theirs. Their example shows what the rules should be! The government just hands you billions of dollars if you're a billionaire. Billionaires get all their money tax free!

Then they make a different set of rules for us. We have work and toil and suffer under terrible conditions. That's so we learn! It's for our own good! All we have to do is accept the truth and we can become billionaires too.

First, work harder. Demonstrate that the promotion is something you deserve.

Don’t you get it? Work will set you free!

If this doesn't make sense, it's simply because you are too ignorant to understand. Don't object because your objections make you look less than human. Don't embarrass your whole family. Stay silent. Put your head down. Work.

Maybe at the end of your life you will have evolved enough to make your generation glad.

The billionaires won't notice, but they're living the good life in a far off land.

We'll keep following them because we all want to be like them. Anyone who says they don't want to be like them is lying. There are no other aspirations. Who wouldn't want that?

They know better than us and they keep trying to teach us even though we keep covering our ears with our hands.

So, we'll follow the rules they set even though they don't follow those rules. In doing that, we'll come to be like them them... I guess? Or maybe we never will? We are unworthy of answers to questions such as these. The best thing to do is simply submit and be at peace.

They know better.

That's what we believe.

That's what we really think.

It's up to us to tell this truth to our children. Make them repeat the prayer every day. Don't listen to their questions. This is a command, not a debate.

This is especially true of the parents who live in rundown houses and who don't have sufficient food to eat. They can't afford healthcare. The planet is becoming uninhabitable. Follow the orders of the billionaires and don't ask for proof.

Saving the world requires belief.

In fact, why do we even send our kids to school at all? At school kids are confused with numbers and theories and evidence. They waste time on critical thinking rather than making rote their emphasis. This is disrespectful to billionaires. We don't need to do all this work. The billionaires obviously have the answers already. Schools were invented by experts as an insult to billionaires.

Keep your kids at home. You can teach them yourselves! Parents know what's best, right? That's what the billionaires say.

In fact, when your children get sick, don't take them to a hospital filled with so-called experts. Why would you do that when billionaires often opine on how to fight disease so that your kids come through just fine.

They're billionaires! You don't get to be a billionaire unless you know EVERYTHING!

Soon, billionaires will be able to reach out to you through the computer screen, through the television screen, through the screen of your GPS. They'll be able to tell you directly where to go and what to do. They'll lead you straight to prosperity. They're only awaiting that moment of herd immunity when the masses surrender all their lingering uncertainty.

Become a true believer. Kneel at the altar of greed!

Obviously, billionaires can't use their money to build schools today.

Obviously, billionaires can't use their money to raise wages.

Obviously, billionaires can't repair healthcare.

They're condemned to just sit there upon their mountain of wealth crying about the stubborn folly of humanity.

You need to listen to the billionaires, even if your senses deceive you and make you think there's an oncoming car. Some part of your mind has been tricked by the idea of self-preservation, it's going to try and make you swerve. You must resist! You must aim for the spot between the oncoming headlights just as the billionaires command. You see? That's the location of the secret portal! That's the gateway to becoming a member of their ranks. They're not pointing at you and laughing at all. That's just your senses deceiving you again. That's the lie of the jealous experts who are still resentful because the baby billionaires used to throw wads of paper at them when they were studying in school. Don't listen to all that. Don't listen to that nagging voice in the back of your mind. You've been indoctrinated to resist the call of the billionaires. Don't you see? Don't you see?

The billionaires have been right this whole time.

You must never think that you must take the wheel when you drive to ensure that both you and your family will make it home alive.

Jesus won’t take the wheel, that’s why billionaires made self-driving cars. Who are you to think otherwise?

Who are you with your one precious, fragile, insignificant, and unprivileged life?

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