No, You Can't Sprint Past an Elite Marathoner
The general public has no concept of how fast these athletes are
I wrote this one in response to a social media argument. It was published on July 28th, 2020. It’s sort of a rant that fits in with my other articles on cross-country skiing and whatnot. I’ll provide a screen shot of how it performed below. Enjoy!
Sometimes I become irritated by the lack of respect that marathon runners get. This general sense of irritation combined with the combative nature of social media can make for a good story.
Not too long ago, a friend of mine posted something about the 2007 film ‘Run Fatboy Run.’ The film stars Simon Pegg and it’s about how a commitment to running a marathon can change the trajectory of your life. For the most part, it’s an entertaining movie, but there are a few scenes which lead one to consider that whoever wrote it hadn’t ever actually run a marathon.
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The unfortunate sprint
The most egregious error comes at the start of the film’s climactic marathon. Pegg is competing with a character played by Hank Azaria, and the moment the gun goes off, both Pegg and Azaria go sprinting by the top competitors to briefly lead the event.
Ludicrous.
Anyone who has ever run a marathon winces at how impossible that scene is. It’s actually embarrassing. The elites are simply way too fast for that to ever happen, but the ignorance of the general public allowed that moment to make the final cut.
Social Media
So, when my friend mentioned the film I couldn’t help myself. “It’s a decent movie,” I wrote, “but I dislike the part where amateur runners race by the professionals. That’s completely impossible.”
Despite the fact that nobody on social media can be bothered to think logically for two consecutive seconds, they all consider themselves total experts on everything in the world. When somebody believes they have logic on their side they become annoyingly stubborn.
“Oh, I don’t think it’s implausible that a person could run by the elites in the first couple hundred yards…”
In their sloppy calculations, they’re assuming that a marathon isn’t a sprint, and you’d only have to be faster for a short distance, and blah, blah, blah… This attitude needs to be shut down with maximum contempt:
“What you’re saying is as ignorant as believing you could beat a man driving a car if the distance was short enough. It can’t be done.”
The ignorance of the general population
I’m not sure if it simply boils down to a general disrespect for marathon runners, but people just don’t get it. Elite runners are FAST.
Ridiculously fast, super-human fast.
It’s very difficult to convey to a non-runner just how fast an elite marathon runner actually is. It’s sort of like explaining the scope of size of the solar system, average people don’t have the necessary frame of reference. The task becomes close to impossible when a non-runner has made a public declaration of their ignorance and has too much pride to back down.
The painful explanation
The worst part comes when the non-runner adopts a condescending tone and decides he has to explain to you why his position is correct.
“Well, I’m just talking about the first couple hundred yards. They won’t be running at top speed. Sure, I’ll be completely destroyed when I go past them, but I can briefly take the lead.”
NO YOU CAN’T! NO YOU CAN’T! NO YOU CAN’T! NO YOU CAN’T!
But it does no good to yell. Instead you have to break it down to math.
“You’re aware that top marathon runners complete the distance in just over 2 hours right?”
“Okay.”
“So, they’re running at an average pace of around 13 miles per hour, right?”
“Okay.”
“Do you have a treadmill at home?”
“Yes.”
“How about this, go to your treadmill and crank it up to 13 miles per hour. I bet you can’t maintain that pace for even one minute.”
“But my treadmill won’t go up to 13 miles per hour!”
“WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU?!?!?!”
A crack in the armor
Chances are, you’ll buy yourself a bit of a reprieve from the ignorance when you mention just how fast marathon runners go. Most people have a hard time going 13 miles per hour on a bicycle. The speed of top runners is astonishing.
However, after the “whoa” moment, your adversary will regroup and come at you again.
“Well, back in college, I used to run the mile and I was pretty good. I could do a mile in just over 5 minutes, so I think I can sprint past an elite marathon runner who is just working up to his top speed.”
GNAAAAAAA!
“Your top mile is 5 minutes?”
“Right.”
“And that was when you were twenty years old and in the best shape of your life?”
“Right.”
“Do you realize that most top marathon runners complete their races averaging around a 4:40 pace?”
“Ummm.”
“So not only are they beating your best ever mile by 20 seconds, they go on to beat your personal best another 25 times in a row.”
Blessed silence.
But, acceleration…
They’re on the ropes now, but the real stubborn ones will come back with one more pathetic, desperate haymaker. I give you permission to flatten them. They asked for it.
“But, they’re only accelerating to a marathon pace where I would accelerate to a passing pace. I could do this since I’m only going to run for a hundred yards. I mean, I’d be exhausted and probably collapse, but I think I could get by them.”
Take a few deep breaths, calm yourself. Actually, this last little assault is going to be fun.
“I’m guessing you’re physically larger than most elite marathon runners.”
“Well…”
“Tell me this, is it easier to accelerate a baseball or a dump truck?”
“What?”
“When you’re at a stop sign, is it better to be behind a smart car or an 18 wheeler?”
“What are you talking about?”
“The small vehicle accelerates faster doesn’t it?”
“I suppose.”
“So, what happens at the start of a marathon is that the second the gun goes off, the elite runner, because of their smaller body mass, is basically instantly running at top speed. At the same time it takes you a few seconds to get going. The result of this is that you now have a deficit to overcome as the elite sprints a couple dozen yards ahead. You simply cannot accelerate to marathon pace faster than an elite runner that is some fraction of your mass. To pass somebody you have to be going FASTER than they are. Elite runners maintain a speed of 13 miles per hour which we’ve already established your treadmill can’t even achieve. To actually pass them you will have to eat up their initial advantage and have enough speed to go by. To recreate the scene from ‘Run Fatboy Run’ you’ll have to be going approximately twice as fast as they are or 26 miles per hour. Running a 100 meter dash in 9.58 seconds is 23.35 miles per hour. So basically, you have to run as fast as Usain Bolt. What you’re saying is ignorant!!!”
They delete the post
About this point, rather than admit you’ve won, your adversary will probably delete the whole thread. Although that’s a minor triumph in itself, it does prevent other people from reading it and educating themselves.
Luckily, I’ve reproduced the argument here.
So, for those of you who are sitting around on your couch with a beer in your hand watching the start of a marathon and thinking, “Sheesh…wouldn’t it be funny to sign up and sprint off the line for a couple hundred yards just so I’d get on television?” You can put that ridiculous fantasy out of your mind. Furthermore, I’ve just saved you the $100 entry fee it would have cost you to fail to perform your little prank.
No, you can’t sprint off the line at the start of a marathon and go coasting by the elites. They’re too fast.
You’re welcome.
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Wow, that is just absolutely appallingly fast. I’m a runner and I like math, so this was an interesting post. I run for zen and scenery, about a 9 minute pace at max distance of 10 miles. Puts me pretty solidly in the middle of the pack for my age range and gender on this one event I just started doing yearly. So it takes me an hour and a half to run much less than half the distance of a marathon. Basically like standing still next to these people, my goodness. They are like actual gods.
I can't imagine any human being running that fast!