Why Do So Many Writers Insist on Failing?

You explain a path that leads to success and they say, “No, that can’t be it.”

Most writers fail before they even have a chance to evaluate whether or not they have any talent. I see it all the time and it drives me nuts.

Look, you might not be the next Hemingway (do people still read Hemingway?) or Shakespeare, but right now your work is being rejected because you’re not following the proper format for submissions! Or, you’re not taking advantage of the opportunities that are staring you right in the face!

Get back to basics people!

The worst is when I generously donate some of my precious time to point out a few simple mistakes and then the writers are too lazy to implement them.

Tough love

Those of you who have known me for a while might have noted a little change in recent months. I’ve deliberately decided to adopt an attitude of “tough love.” I say that with the pretense that it’s for your benefit, but really it’s for mine.

I’m thinking of my mental health here.

You see, I’ve spent close to five decades using a policy of tireless generosity, also known as the “doormat” policy.

“Walter, can you take a quick look at my article and provide me with some FREE edits. I realize that you do this professionally, and I’m basically asking you to just hand over a couple thousand dollars worth of expertise, but will you?”

Me: “Why sure! After all, I want to be known as a kind and generous person!”

“Great!”

Me: “By the way, I wonder if there’s a favor you can do for me in return...”

“No, absolutely not. Not in a million years. How dare you even bring that up? Now, quit wasting time and get me those edits. Some of us have deadlines you know!”

So, yeah, I don’t do that anymore. Instead, when I find myself starting to get irritated, I write long winded articles complaining about fictional characters that in no way represent the human beings I interact with on a daily basis.

Any resemblance to any person real or imagined in my work is purely coincidental.

I’m a lot happier these days.

The imaginary email I received recently

I recently received an email from a fictional character. He wanted me to do some edits on his story and, for some reason, I forgot about my recent policy change and I agreed.

I started reading and I found myself getting angry. I wasn’t angry because the work was bad. I was angry because it was GOOD!

He’d written this story to submit to some local newspaper with a circulation of maybe 2,000. It struck me as a complete waste of talent. He wasn’t going to be paid for it, so why do it?

Are there still writers out there who become flush with excitement when they see their name in newsprint?

Newsprint? Are you kidding me? How about stone tablets? Go and carve your story on a cave wall somewhere whydontcha?

I decided I wouldn’t put any edits into the story. I wrote the author and said, “This is professional level writing. If you put it on Medium, I’ll help you format it and then submit it for a boost. This is exactly the kind of quality writing that would do well. Usually a boost makes you a minimum of $30, but if it really takes off you could potentially make hundreds of dollars on this.”

He wrote back and said, “Nah, I promised this one to the local paper.”

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”

It should be more socially appropriate to scream at people

Why would you wave your hands at somebody who offered you a much more viable path to success than the one you’re stubbornly committed to?

The part I really don’t get is why people would approach me for advice about their writing, then completely ignore me when I offer it?

Look, there is no law against publishing a story in multiple places. Quit with the submissive mentality. If a paper doesn’t pay you and it doesn’t offer you a contract, then you can publish that story anywhere you want. Some papers try to hit you with ridiculous terms of service that declare they own the rights for now and forever just because you submitted it. If you see that kind of nonsense, then don’t submit there. But most of the time it’s pretty much uncontested that you retain ownership.

When somebody tells you they are part of a paying platform and that the story you have written is good quality and could make you some actual money, you should follow that advice. Now, I get it that you should be skeptical when some random person approaches you on social media making such claims, but if this is an individual you’ve actually met, take the two seconds required to consider what they’re saying!

If you don’t want to send the exact same story to two places, then write up a different version of the same story. Do you think every time you tackle a topic it’s the definitive word and you’re never able to write on that subject again?

Your viewpoint changes!

Sometimes my viewpoint after lunch has evolved considerably from what I wrote before breakfast.

Don’t do things that make me angry

The other day somebody I knew got the mistaken idea that one of my articles was about him. I know, right? Didn’t Carly Simon write a song about that?

He was completely mistaken of course, as I said before, I never write about real people. But he sent me a message that said, “You need to delete that article...”

That’s as far as I got because my reflexes took over. I deleted the email and blocked him. Then I blocked him on Facebook and removed him from all my mailing lists. I can’t really convey the primordial reaction I got to somebody telling me to delete something that I’ve written. If you say that, you’re gone, gone, gone from my life FOREVER!

At some point, my feelings need to be part of the equation too. For example, if I write something that indicates a certain level of distress and you think that you’re the cause of that distress (you’re not, I only write about fictional characters), then the right thing to do would be to write me and apologize.

Seriously, why is everyone in the world such a whiny little oversensitive jerk? If you’re getting your feelings hurt all the time, maybe it’s because you’re inflicting damage on everyone around you. There’s a thing in your bathroom called a mirror. Go look at it, there’s your problem.

From now on...

If I know you and you’ve sent me work to edit in the past, I’m still happy to give it a quick look. However, from now on, I want you to only send me things in the form of a Medium draft link.

If you can’t figure out how to send me a Medium draft link then it’s a waste of my time to even know you. If you want a favor from me, then it’s not too much to ask that you follow the format I request.

It’s stunning how this stops about 99% of people from pestering you with demands on your time.

“Can you help me move?”

“Sure, but I’m going to need a ride to your house.”

“WELL, YOU CAN FORGET IT THEN!”

“Sounds fine to me!”

You don’t even need a paid account to send a Medium draft link, so just do it.

Just shut up and do what I say

Hey, I’m not all-knowing. Maybe a year from now there will be no more human writing because the robots will have taken over. But as of right now, all writers need to be on Medium.

As grouchy as I might have sounded in this email, I am happy to work with writers to get their stories into shape. But I rankle when you try to pressure me into converting to your religion of failure.

If you insist on sending your stories out to some failing local newspaper that’s going to end up getting fed to a cow, then more power to you! However, if you want to have the chance to get paid for your work and have thousands and thousands of people read it, join Medium.

Again, if you’re sitting there worried, this article wasn’t about you.