Dear MAGA, You're Not What You Think You Are and You Never Have Been

There's a reason we get quiet when you approach and start to laugh when you walk away

Note: I’d love to hear some other voice performances of this little speech. Let’s make that a thing, call it the #dearmagachallenge. When you have a recording, post it on your newsletter/podcast, send it to me, and I’ll feature the link in the comments. C’mon now, just give me one! Trust me, this is a fun little article to read aloud!

Dear MAGA,

It's time for an intervention.

It's time to burst that delusional bubble you use to justify all your actions.

I know you think you're tough. I know you think you're self-sufficient. I know you believe that when your laughter fills the restaurant you assume it rouses everyone's spirit.

The truth is that we all want you to just be quiet. We're trying to eat. We're trying to enjoy time together and you're ruining it.

The truth is that you go out in public and pick fights because you're all alone.

You're all alone.

Minor confrontations are your only human interactions.

We know. We know. We know.

How desperate do you have to be to turn your forehead into a billboard? You drive around with gigantic flags printed with profanities. You drive by schools so that all the kids can see. Then you laugh when people get angry.

“I got a rise out of him! He'll remember me.”

He'll remember you with annoyance for a few hours, but then you'll completely fade from history.

You've got to pick fights on the internet. You make fake accounts and leave racist comments. In your miswired brain, you think this has significance.

True, rational people wince.

Then they block you.

And you're left to complain about censorship.

But the truth is, the thing that bothers you, is that you simply don't know how to connect. You're the adult form of the cruel child who tries to get a girl's attention by poking her in the neck

When somebody does the same to you, you act as if the universe has become unglued.

Your weakness is as pitiful as your cowardice.

You're covered in guns and other armaments. You want somebody to attack you just so you can feel as if you lived a life of consequence. You want the memory of a human touch for future reference.

You live in such solitude that you doubt your own existence.

You ridicule empathy, compassion, and living a life of conscientiousness.

What are you getting from all of this?

Your whole ideology is based on running away. You're a coward. You live in terror. You retreat, you deny, you reject, and you deflect. What happened to you? Did the 2^nd grade teacher you were sweet on disapprove of your art project?

You put your faith in a politician who is going to squeeze you for every drop he can get. You wanted him to go after the people on the rise, but he's a low-hanging fruit kind of guy.

MAGA, you're the lowest hanging fruit of them all. In fact, you're not even on the branch, you're rotting in the grass. You're just the kind of target a weak, slovenly man like that will first attack.

As we told you.

We told you.

We told you.

You think you're something special. You get a big truck and a big gun and you wear your high-heeled cowboy boots. You roll into a room like a pirate out at sea. You don't wash regularly. You cough and belch and say the worst things you can conceive, as if life is a competition to determine who can contribute the least.

That's you MAGA.

You think of yourself as protectors. You think of yourself as champions. But women know, when they're alone, they can rely on a grizzly bear for more protection.

MAGA is in such denial they can't comprehend how we perceive predators from other species as less vile than them.

We don't just dislike you, we mock you. We think you're ridiculous. There's nothing tough about you. There's nothing admirable. There's nothing generous.

We're silent when you're near because you are the antithesis of joyousness. All that's required for happiness is the lack of your presence.

It's not us, it's you.

You chose this.

You stubbornly stand by the lies because you have a complete lack of self-awareness.

The concentrated form of MAGA is a 58 year old man with a gas station tan. He spends all his time in the gym because nobody wants to talk to him. His mail-order bride left him after she learned English, realized all he lacked, earned a degree, and now she's making more money than he'll ever see.

He's resentful because she overcame obstacles to seize the American dream, and he can't get his fingers around it even though it was delivered to him for free.

So now, he hates and resents all women, naturally.

He lacks integrity, so his blame always goes out rather than in.

Instead of laboring to make themselves more, MAGA takes the lazy path and tries to make everyone else less. Rather than the earned power of truth, they seized the illusory power of falseness.

It's the difference between claiming you're a winner and actually having the discipline and dedication to win.

Words are forgotten. Truth endures.

Despite all your noise and your bluster and your self-aggrandizement, you'll never know the deep and simple satisfaction derived from an honest achievement.

Lies ring hollow in the end, and all of us can see you know nothing my friend.

No matter how many elections you swindle or how many Supreme Court decisions you buy, time will expose your fundamental lie.

You had the same chance as all the rest.

But you squandered it when you insisted, without evidence, that you're the best.

Perhaps when you take your final breath, it will contain a fleeting awareness that all the beauty of life was in your grasp, but you wasted your whole existence, worshiping a false god made up of pride, folly, and ignorance.

You made the choice. You can't escape the consequence.

“I'd rather Be Writing” exists because of your generous support. If you have the means please consider upgrading to a paid sponsorship. I have payment tiers starting at as little as twenty dollars a year. I'm so happy you're here, and I'm looking forward to sharing more thoughts with you tomorrow.

Upgrade at 30% off

Upgrade at 40% off

Upgrade at 50% off

Upgrade at 60% off

My CoSchedule referral link

Here’s my referral link to my preferred headline analyzer tool. If you sign up through this, it’s another way to support this newsletter (thank you).