How My Family Processed Our Grief and Fear for the Future This Morning

It helps to have a point of focus, a peaceful plan of action that allows you to remain empowered

There were a lot of tears in my house this morning. I was up all night. I turned off the television and my computer, but I lay tossing and turning. In fact, I got out of bed because I didn't want to disturb my wife and went down to sleep on the couch.

In the morning, when my wife came downstairs, I could tell by her face that she already knew what had happened. We hugged, and I began to cry. I was relieved to have that release. My anxiety had been building up inside me all night and I needed to get it out. My wife held me so tightly I couldn't breathe.

We sat for a while talking about what we would do. My wife is from Peru. She's a naturalized citizen. My children are natural born citizens. We have family abroad and we could make a soft landing.

I've been told there are even services that will help you bring your family pet when you relocate.

A few weeks ago, my wife completed her master's degree. She's an ELL teacher, and that's a degree that will have value anywhere in the world. For the time being, a degree from the US still means something. We'll see if that remains true when the Republicans manage to gut what remains of public education.

My eldest daughter came downstairs a short while later. Again we shared the news and cried. I had to emphasize that it wasn't as if he was getting sworn in today. We have time to become accustomed to our new reality. We have time to make plans.

I remembered that my passport is about to expire. I wonder if there will be a delay in getting a new passport?

My daughter doesn't want to leave her friends. She doesn't want to leave our town. We had to reassure her and tell her that it's unlikely we'll be moving. There are complexities, and things would have to get really bad. She was reassured.

I went upstairs to wake my youngest daughter and told her the news. She told me how she felt about it. I listened and tried to console her.

When I came back down to the breakfast table, my wife was already taking charge of the situation. “When you go to school today, don't let them see that you are distressed. Give them 'mommy's look,' the look I have when I'm angry. Do you know it?”

My daughter smiled at this, “Yes, I know it.”

My daughter is already a very good student. I emphasized that her first task was to learn as much as possible. “Your mom got her degree, they can never take that from her. She can find employment anywhere in the world. That's power. That's freedom.”

Getting a good education had been my daughter's plan anyway.

It's so upsetting to think what we'll be subjected to over the next four years. I'm tired of listening to him talk. I'm tired of the sound of his voice. I'm tired of all his anger and hate. I had been hoping to wake up this morning to find it had gone away.

But that's not our reality. There's no use regretting it. There's no use pointing fingers. There's no use getting angry. I firmly believe that we all did the best that we could to get Harris the win. We shouldn't beat ourselves up. We ran through the finish line.

The hardest part is the unfairness of it all. We handed the Democrats the Presidency, the House and the Senate and they failed to prosecute him. But that's their mistake, not ours. We did our part. We have to remember that.

As I was heading out the door to take my kids to school, I remembered Project 2025. The US government is about to get gutted like Twitter. But really, how much different is it going to be? Even when we had the people in there who supposedly respected the law, they ultimately failed to act.

For some reason, the majority of the American population voted for higher retirement ages and dramatic cuts to social security. For some reason, they want more expensive health care.

Why did we do this to ourselves?

I used to feel it was most efficient to call out hate speech when you see it. I used to think that you could rely on the common decency of our neighbors to halt behavior once they were aware it was hateful.

I guess we can no longer respond with anger when we see one person hurting another.

We have to moderate our response and gently say, “Please understand that what you're doing is causing that person pain.”

We have to be gentle, but we also have to point it out every single time. We have to be more vocal about the pain our neighbors inflict on us. We have to normalize the concept of rejecting torment and cruelty.

I'm still assuming that they're not fundamentally cruel. I'm still assuming that this is rooted in ignorance. If not, if they really do just want to inflict as much misery as possible, then I guess we'll find out. When I find that out, my tactics will change again. Until then, I'll cling to hope.

I have to accustom myself to having a new level of self control if I'm going to get through these next four years.

It has been the great joy of my life to raise my wonderful daughters. I'm so proud of them. Every second spent with them is a privilege. I only wish that a hate movement hadn't been going on in the background of my whole life as a father.

Our time together in this world is short. We can't wait for everything to be perfect to enjoy ourselves. I advise you all to track down the people you appreciate. Tell them how much you appreciate them today. It will make you feel better. You'll remember that you're not alone.

We're not alone. Please don't hesitate to reach out to me if you don't have anybody else, or even if you do. We're all hurting today, but we'll find our feet again. There are still some strategies that we haven't tried.

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