How My Kids Kept Me Awake All Night Releasing Mice From Live Traps

Last night contained the same energy as a weird Christmas morning

Hello Friends,

Well, I'm tired this morning and the reason why is kind of funny. So, I'm putting aside the other plans I had for this post and I'm going to tell you this story.

In the wake of the depressing election, we've been occupying ourselves with anything that comes to mind. My wife decided to put up her Christmas decorations early this year. But when she was digging through the boxes in the pantry, she found evidence that we had some furry tenants.

To her irritation, she found that the mice had eaten through a bag of macadamia nuts. She was angry because those are expensive, and she'd been looking forward to eating them. Everything got pulled out of the pantry and she hosed down the walls and floors with bleach. She even made me crawl around in there and seal up any cracks in the walls.

“You've got to get some traps.”

“Okay, okay, but I'm getting some live traps.”

I placed the order and the traps arrived yesterday. I went with the live traps because I don't like setting those traditional snap traps. Sometimes they don't kill the mouse cleanly and I think that's cruel. I just don't want to be responsible for inflicting that kind of suffering on any living thing.

Surprisingly, my daughters got all excited about the live traps. They read the directions, smeared on the peanut butter, and set the mechanism. We had one live trap in the pantry, and one trap in the upstairs bathroom.

Everybody was late going to bed last night. My kids were all excited. I read them an especially long chapter, and even that didn't take the edge off them. It was about 10PM when I finally crawled into bed. I had just started to feel that gentle descent into oblivion when my wife sat up in bed.

“Did you hear that?”

“What?” I asked, now wide awake.

Then I listened and I heard the kind of plastic scratching and shuffling that makes the hairs stand up on the back of your neck.

“We got one!” called out my youngest daughter because it had been too much to expect that they would fall asleep.

Then there was a commotion as the two girls ran into the bathroom to check the trap. I could feel the energy in the house from across the room. They shrieked with delight. “Oh look! There he is! He's so cute! Let's name him Riley.”

“What? They're naming the mouse?” I asked.

“Mom, mom, look,” they said, with the stampede sound that indicated they were heading our way.

“Do not bring that mouse into my bedroom!” mom bellowed with the voice that stops the stampede.

Quiet ensued, but the energy was still there. I knew we had to get up and get into the hallway before the kids dropped the trap to start a game of “run away from the mouse and scream.”

“Gross, gross,” my wife said. She was thinking the same thing.

So, I pulled on my clothing as the girls stood in the hallway cooing over the mouse. My eldest offered to bring the mouse downstairs. My poor dog looked up at us from his bed on the kitchen floor wondering what was happening.

I grabbed a headlamp and a pliers, took the live trap and headed out the door. There's a little park about two blocks away from the house and I thought that would be a good place to release the little guy.

After a few moments of figuring out how the trap worked, I was able to loosen the door. Then I pulled it completely away with the pliers. I wanted to be able to get back in case the mouse freaked out and rushed up my pant leg.

The thought of that creeps me out.

The mouse hesitated, but after a moment he figured out the door was open and he bolted for the woods. I fit the door back onto the end of the trap and headed back to the house, but this is not the end of the story.

The girls were still bouncing off the walls with excitement. The dog looked like a little old man in his sleeping cap disturbed that his night's rest had been interrupted.

“Give me the trap, I'll set it again,” my daughter said. This had become her job and she was taking great pride in it.

“Fine.” I gave her the trap.

I felt sort of creepy so I went to wash my hands. Then I went upstairs to take off my outside clothing, put on my pajamas and get back into bed. The girls were all excited still, I could hear them chatting to each other from across the hallway.

“We'll call the next one Taylor!” they agreed.

My wife began to giggle.

I leaned back and I was just about to fall asleep again when I heard the trap go off.

“Taylor!” the girls cried in unison.

“You've got to be kidding me!” I said. More quickly this time, I got out of bed, changed my clothing, and found the girls peering into the trap.

“This one is fatter than the last one,” they said. “I think we found the guy who ate all of mom's macadamia nuts.”

I shook my head, took the trap, and headed downstairs. The dog gave me another irritated look as I turned on the lights. The look said, “Buddy, we've got to talk about these interruptions, but right now I'm too tired.”

I grabbed my headlamp and my pliers and headed out to the park. The second mouse ran off in the exact same direction as the first. I hoped they'd find each other and build a house together.

I came back home and put the trap in the tool room. Upstairs I told the girls, “Don't set any more traps, I want to go to bed.”

“Okay,” they replied.

I washed my hands, then put on my pajamas and went back to bed. It seemed like my wife had just turned off the lights when I heard the snap of a trap and the scratching of a mouse.

“Hooray! We just caught Swift!”

“The last two mice were named 'Taylor' and 'Swift?'” I asked.

My wife began to giggle.

I got out of bed and put on my outside clothing. The girls were in the bathroom admiring the mouse.

“How did this happen? I told you not to set any more traps.”

“We didn't set any more traps,” they replied. “We got the one from the pantry that we'd set before and brought it up here.” They smiled.

I realized I was raising a pair of lawyers

“Come on, give me Swift so I can reunite him with Taylor and Riley.”

I marched downstairs. The dog gave me a look that said, “You've got to be kidding me.”

I released the third mouse without issue and returned home. I put the second trap with the first trap in the tool room. Before I went upstairs, I double checked to make sure they were both there. No more surprises.

During this time, the dog had crawled off into the living room to sleep on the sofa. “Go on,” I said, “go back home.”

He gave me a side-eye and a snort as he slid back onto the floor and leisurely walked back into the kitchen. He didn't say anything, but he made it perfectly clear he was annoyed at me.

Back upstairs I washed my hands and changed into my pajamas again. The girls were bouncing off the walls. “Seriously girls, no more surprises. No more traps. Tomorrow is going to come really fast.”

“If we are tired tomorrow, we'll just tell our teachers that we were up all night catching mice.”

“No, don't tell them that!” my wife said horrified.

Everybody was having a conversation from every corner of the house. “Come on everybody, it's time to go to sleep.”

A brief moment of silence ensued, and then my youngest daughter said, “Well dad, at least you were able to get in your steps!”

Both my wife and I were seized by a fit of silent laughter. My youngest daughter has a way of making completely innocent statements sound like biting mockery. I expect that will be a useful talent for her as she gets older.

The laughter was the release I needed and we all fell asleep. My girls no doubt dreamed of the adventures they'd have with their new mice friends. They'd already begun to speculate on the stories I'd tell them about Riley and Taylor and Swift.

I imagine this one is only the first.

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