How Patriarchal Models Waste Resources by Suppressing Talented People

The human race can no longer afford to deficit fund these outdated systems

The furnace in my house was installed in 1968. That means it had been providing heat through Wisconsin winters since before the moon landing.

Two years ago, I decided to get an estimate on a replacement. The technician came and looked at my old furnace and let out a long, low whistle. “Now that,” he said, “is an antique. I bet your heating bills are astronomical.”

“Only for six months out of the year,” I replied.

He nodded. “That’s because a furnace like this is only 50% efficient. Do you know what that means?”

I admitted that I didn’t.

The tech went on to explain the trap of inefficient models. As I was listening, it occurred to me that the concept had applications that extended well beyond heating your home.

It’s easy to get caught up in traditional belief systems that compel us to squander our resources. When you find the courage to change, it becomes apparent how embracing a more efficient model ends up paying for itself.

We’re surrounded by waste

The tech said, “If your furnace is only 50% efficient, it means that for every dollar you put into fuel, you only get 50 cents worth of heat. The rest goes up in smoke because the system is wasteful. A new furnace is 98% efficient.”

I didn’t really believe him, but I decided to play along. “So, what you’re saying is that if I get a new furnace my heating bills will be cut in half?”

He nodded at me with a look of absolute sincerity. “Yup, with the money you save on your heating bill, the furnace will pay for itself in a couple of years.”

So, he’d answered the “Who is going to pay for that?” rebuttal. This guy was good! But even after he’d laid it all out, I wasn’t entirely convinced. Still, I felt that I was pushing my luck by having a 50-year-old furnace, so I signed up to have a new model installed.

Much to my surprise, I found that the energy-efficient furnace actually did cut my bills in half. The sales pitch that it would pay for itself was actually true!

This got me thinking about other ways our society clings to outdated relics from the past that end up costing us far more than they’re worth.

Man as the “provider”

My eldest daughter is entering high school next year. My wife and I have done everything we can to encourage her to set high aspirations. She’s at the top of her class in all subjects.

The trajectory is looking good but I know from my own experience how quickly a life can become derailed by a poor romance. Now, I trust my daughter to make good decisions. But I also know that love is an intoxicating emotion. It’s easy to become captivated with somebody who might not have your best interests at heart.

The trick to gathering experience lies in avoiding the kind of mistakes that become a permanent anchor on your life. My biggest fear is that my daughter might find herself trapped in a lifetime commitment with some patriarchal male who insists on wasting his energy in an attempt to trap her in a subservient role.

The 1950’s model never worked

I hope my daughter looks to the relationship I have with my wife as an example. My wife is an intelligent, powerful and accomplished woman. I know better than to try and take her on in a battle of wills. That only leads to devastation.

I doubt I could control my wife’s behavior even if I wanted to. But that’s not the point. Even if I succeeded, I’d be left too exhausted to meet the inevitable challenges of life.

It strikes me as colossally irresponsible when men insist they must be the unquestioned head of the household. What happens when they prove to be lacking?

I prefer a model where my wife spends her strength facing external challenges with me at her side. That way we can both enjoy the benefits of our mutual victories.

Where’s the downside here?

“What kind of a man stays at home?”

I picked up my daughter from school recently and she told me about a class discussion. The teacher asked whether any of them knew of a family where the dad stayed at home and the wife went to work.

“What kind of a man would that be?” one of the boys said.

I work from home, and I could tell my daughter was struggling to process the boy’s comment.

“It seems to me that the way the teacher phrased that question was problematic,” I said. “For one thing, our society has this deplorable tendency to overlook the fact that house work is work. People who work at home make an important and irreplaceable contribution to society.”

She nodded, but she still seemed uncertain.

I continued, “Well, what do you think? After what that boy said, do you feel like you should hurry up and get married so that somebody like that can get a job outside the house and take care of you?”

“Of course not!” she said. “That boy fails every test. I bet I can get a job that pays a lot more than he’ll ever earn.”

“Good!” I replied. “I don’t think you should settle for that either.”

Yet, the boy’s comment is the prevailing belief

Even though we’re having these conversations, I get the impression that the expectations of the boys in my daughter’s dating pool are as outdated as a furnace from 1968.

If they think my daughter is just going to give up all her ambitions to help protect their fragile egos, they’re in for a rude awakening.

My family watched a film recently where the main character pretended she was bad at math to impress the boy that she liked. Neither my wife nor I were content to let that stand.

“You realize that if you pretend to be incompetent to impress a man, you’ll never attract anything but boys,” I said.

“Not boys, parasites,” my wife clarified. “They’ll be lazy, good-for-nothings who sit around all day blaming you for everything that’s wrong in their life.” My wife spoke from experience, we could all tell from her tone of voice and the way she began to tremble with rage. She’s particularly sensitive on this topic and I think that’s healthy.

There are too many problems in the world. We can’t afford to squander talent.

Patriarchal thinking infects everything

I haven’t always seen this so clearly.

There have been times during our relationship that my wife has had to course-correct my ideology. I don’t deliberately oppress anyone, but there are unconscious biases that form a part of our cultural thought process that need to be rooted out.

They aren’t going away on their own any more than your 1968 furnace is going to start magically improving its efficiency. It is what it is, and until you make a change, your strength is going to get sucked up through the chimney.

Women are too powerful to be oppressed. Maintaining any system that attempts to oppress them is a futile waste of effort. These systems are doomed to fail, and they’ll cause a lot of misery along the way.

Our resources would be better spent on alleviating human suffering throughout the world.

The “patriarchy tax” we’re all forced to pay

The church has declared that women cannot be ordained. This means that no matter the talent and ability that a woman demonstrates, she will always be held back from holding the ultimate position of power.

Systems designed to prevent the ascension of women represent a “patriarchy tax” that we’re all forced to pay. It’s one of the ways people in need are deprived of your charitable gifts.

Patriarchal systems are inefficient. If you give a dollar to the church, some percentage of that donation is diverted to a mechanism that suppresses the advancement of women.

The instant that restriction is removed, it will free up resources to help people in need. It really is that simple.

Humanity is suffering and we’re content to waste our energy maintaining a misguided effort to oppose talented people who only want to help.

We had that old furnace for 12 years

I bought our house in 2009 and we used the old furnace for 12 years. I learned the noises it made. Sometimes, on cold nights, I’d lay awake at night waiting for the rumble that indicated it had turned on. I spent a lot of time worrying that the furnace would finally conk out on a cold snap and my pipes would freeze.

I knew it was an out-of-date, inefficient furnace that cost too much, but I put up with it anyway. Once you become familiar with something, it’s hard to give it up. I used to say, “It’s worked for us so far.”

There’s a certain comfort in maintaining a system that you’ve come to rely on even if you suspect that better options are available.

I was also deterred by the upfront cost of the change. It was easier to pay my higher bills and hope for a mild winter than to face the lump sum of a replacement.

But then I did it. I tightened up my belt, put in the work, stopped being fearful of progress, and I embraced the future. And you know what? It’s better! The new furnace is quieter, it blows more heat, and it costs half as much. It doesn’t rumble and rattle like it’s going to shake the whole house to pieces. It doesn’t cough and sputter like it’s about to die.

Make the change.

The same thing is true of your relationships.

Don’t be an inefficient, toxic, patriarchal man-child

Women are not only under-compensated, they are also overburdened with responsibilities. Our society celebrates patriarchal man-children, and women are forced to make unreasonable sacrifices to keep our inefficient system up and running.

Women have always had to contend with lower wages, little social support, insufficient childcare, and an expectation that they will handle a greater share of the child-rearing obligations. The fact that our society is still standing is a testament to the indomitable power of women.

Patriarchal models represent an inefficient use of scarce resources. We simply can’t afford to maintain systems that are designed to protect fragile egos at the expense of providing tangible human needs.

In defense of my old furnace, at least it was 50% efficient. When it comes to patriarchal models, I suspect you don’t do much better than single digits. I don’t know for sure because I haven’t done the math.

Perhaps I’ll ask my daughter to calculate that for me. I honestly wouldn’t trust a man to get it right, not even myself.