Hi Walter, I grew up with parents who both shared the attitude you describe.My parent’s first born my older sister, fought them tooth and nail for control and won! Unfortunately in the 6 years before child#2 and even more in the next 7 years before me they doubled and tripled down to force us not to even imagine being like her! It was always crystal clear she was the favorite because she let nothing, even, them , stop her. They loved her outcome! But they lived a vow to never have to be challenged again. We limped our way to life outside and did the best we could. Like you I moved far away and after a while found a whole new life and a healthy way of living. My mother never got over her sorrow about my health. My father found a young man who shared his likes and attitudes and virtually adopted him.They were happy with blaming and the substitute while I was happy rarely being in their company. I had only relief when they passed. It was finally over. Daniel
Yes, my dad has his own substitutes. It's almost comical to watch from a distance and observe how much they manipulate him. But as long as they have me to be the bad guy, there's no need for further self-reflection. I'm glad you found a way out of that mess!
Along these very lines, I came to say that when I hear old people say their kids don't come see them and they don't understand why... I do. And I don't require anymore of the story than that.
This one felt close to home because I sometimes wonder what type of father I will be. I don't know if it applies since this is toxic masculinity but it was my mother who really sort of reinforced this type of matriarchal "always right never question behavior". I had a, abnormal type of parenting growing up, one where my father never was really about toxic masculinity and sort of gave the job of "harsh parenting" to my mother. I feel though these situations are somewhat opposite it's important to note these values of, bad parenting? Harsh parenting? Are not always perpetuated by men, more so a patriarchal idea of men. Loved this episode and just felt like saying that, not really an argument to anything said, its what I thought of when listening, which says alot about me. Thanks for leading me to this thought.
I was worried about it too, but if you trust your heart rather than external pressures, you'll be fine. Our society pushes us to maintain the cycle of abuse. It's up to you to stop and say, "Nope." All the nonsense about how you "have to punish" kids or you spoil them is complete lies. I never struck or abused my kids, and they are wonderful, respectful children. You're right, the patriarchal mindset is bad even if women are promoting it. There's a lot of brainwashing/indoctrinating going on in the US... all of it from the right wing.
Hi Walter, I grew up with parents who both shared the attitude you describe.My parent’s first born my older sister, fought them tooth and nail for control and won! Unfortunately in the 6 years before child#2 and even more in the next 7 years before me they doubled and tripled down to force us not to even imagine being like her! It was always crystal clear she was the favorite because she let nothing, even, them , stop her. They loved her outcome! But they lived a vow to never have to be challenged again. We limped our way to life outside and did the best we could. Like you I moved far away and after a while found a whole new life and a healthy way of living. My mother never got over her sorrow about my health. My father found a young man who shared his likes and attitudes and virtually adopted him.They were happy with blaming and the substitute while I was happy rarely being in their company. I had only relief when they passed. It was finally over. Daniel
Yes, my dad has his own substitutes. It's almost comical to watch from a distance and observe how much they manipulate him. But as long as they have me to be the bad guy, there's no need for further self-reflection. I'm glad you found a way out of that mess!
Along these very lines, I came to say that when I hear old people say their kids don't come see them and they don't understand why... I do. And I don't require anymore of the story than that.
This one felt close to home because I sometimes wonder what type of father I will be. I don't know if it applies since this is toxic masculinity but it was my mother who really sort of reinforced this type of matriarchal "always right never question behavior". I had a, abnormal type of parenting growing up, one where my father never was really about toxic masculinity and sort of gave the job of "harsh parenting" to my mother. I feel though these situations are somewhat opposite it's important to note these values of, bad parenting? Harsh parenting? Are not always perpetuated by men, more so a patriarchal idea of men. Loved this episode and just felt like saying that, not really an argument to anything said, its what I thought of when listening, which says alot about me. Thanks for leading me to this thought.
I was worried about it too, but if you trust your heart rather than external pressures, you'll be fine. Our society pushes us to maintain the cycle of abuse. It's up to you to stop and say, "Nope." All the nonsense about how you "have to punish" kids or you spoil them is complete lies. I never struck or abused my kids, and they are wonderful, respectful children. You're right, the patriarchal mindset is bad even if women are promoting it. There's a lot of brainwashing/indoctrinating going on in the US... all of it from the right wing.
Hi again Walter. I tried to subscribe and entered the data but I’m not sure it worked. Please check and let me know. Daniel
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Yes, I'm seeing you as a free subscriber. Thanks Daniel!