Excellent observers and writers like you, Walter, help to raise us up as more thoughtful humans. I am always deeply grateful to you and your cohort for ongoing enlightenment. The problem is that we humans, and not liking to think of ourselves this way, are still animals. Very tribal animals mostly lacking instincts. And fear seems to be a mighty motivator. Not only are victims of bullying fearful, as I was as a young girl, but often the bullies themselves are violent due to their own fears and inadequacies. Humans also seem to be particularly susceptible to a impressive variety of mental health issues. It's as if we are struggling somewhere along the evolutionary path and are at a point between great intellectual ascendance and basic violent animal group reaction. We've got quite a ways to go it seems as we keep on keeping on with being dangerous dumb-asses.
I have a long way to go as well. Through writing, and through reading kind and thoughtful comments like yours, I learn more every day. It’s stunning how much progress we can make. Thanks for your kind words!
I really appreciate your articles, I learn so much about the US and how things are done there and the politics. This article reminded me a lot of what I learned about New Zealand and how Maori were treated in the past, and how the whole society just thought it was ok - the code of silence. I'm glad NZ has come a long way, but they still have a long way to go. Something tells me the road the US has to go is a little longer though...
Agreed. I spent my formative years on Maui. When I visited New Zealand as an adult, I totally recognized the way the indigenous culture was not honored so much as bent into performances for tourists.
A powerful anecdote about your school. It’s amazing what teachers got away with in the last century. But it seems to have been a critical moment for your development into a fighter for human rights in the face of bullying. Keep up the fight.
Well said. My experience growing up in Northern Minnesota described through your words. The “code of silence” is deeply entrenched in this country, as our cultural racism clearly demonstrates. Thank you!
Yes, I know what you mean. As a writer, I often disguise what I really mean in order to read the room. We all do it to some extent, so don’t beat yourself up.
Thank you for this honest piece. I grew up in a similar environment and can completely relate. It got so bad for me that I had to drop out of school and get my GED as soon as I turned 16. I was able to attend a community college after that and continue my education, but how many potential great minds have been stifled by fear? How much worse is it going to get? I fear for the new generation, my grandchildren. The indoctrination has gotten more extreme. Hate groups (Moms for Liberty) are infiltrating our schools and rewriting history. Criminalizing free thought and force feeding religion. My heart breaks for the new generation, I truly am scared.
I considered quitting too. These conservative/authoritarian rural school districts are brutal. I watch my kids go to school and love it and I can't comprehend what their experience must be like. I hope that when Kamala gets elected, we'll start seeing some major change. Take your children/grandchildren abroad if you get the opportunity. It's powerful to realize the whole world isn't like Small Town USA.
You captured the anguish of the perceptive child, surrounded by hypocrites and bullies, with nowhere to take that anguish. Telling the truth can get a person killed. Being aware and helpless is a nightmare. Thanks for this powerful piece.
I know what choosing silence means as a child. It is choosing the lesser of two evils, then discovering that everything is evil. Once you make that choice, a darkness comes from behind your eyes—you are behind your sight, you walk carefully. I never wanted to make a misstep again, but I had no way to judge if I was on the sidewalk in front of my house or standing on the edge of a crumbling cliff at the end of the world.
Being physically abused as a child is enduring a crime against humanity, and when physical abuse includes crimes a child can’t conceive or put into words— life becomes a painful mystery that you don’t dare try to solve.
As an adult I’ve struggled but mostly I’ve kept putting one foot in front of the other. Did the challenges I’ve faced change me? I can only imagine they did, but so did every step I’ve ever taken.
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that every step taken in the dark is an act of courage. It is proof of life to be on the move—it is self-preservation to walk away, as far away as you can get is the destination to choose.
You’ll know when your journey has brought you to a safe place. The darkness behind your eyes lifts, you realize you were right to keep walking, your own feet didn’t betray you. Your internal compass proved to be trustworthy. The detours provided a change of pace, a new perspective, or a step up to higher ground to gauge how far you’ve come.
Life is what it is, and it is a struggle that starts when we’re born. For some it is easier and for some it isn’t. Some people are incredibly flawed and do damage at every turn. There are 8.2 billion of us on the planet, and I personally imagine that a significant portion of those multibillions of people are broken and are compelled to break others.
But also a significant number of us are good healers, we have scars to prove our healing powers, and stories and adventures to recount our great escapes, our disappearing acts, our enemies we outsmarted, our remarkable lucky breaks, and friends and lovers we met, and all the
strangers we helped heal too.
This is a very stressful, infuriating, and compelling time to be alive. I’m scared, mad as hell, nursing my outrage, and feeling like my voice and my vote is not fucking close to enough. I’m frustrated beyond belief. So there’s that….
But, I work in mental health care with children and families, and I have a final year of a grant project to complete. So that’s what I’m going be doing, no matter how the next 7 weeks go by, or what bizarre political result or upheaval comes, I’ll keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Your responses are always so thoughtful and important Linda! I often read them on my phone and then intend to reply once I get back to a keyboard. Know that I'm reading them even if sometimes I don't get a chance to respond!
My folks moved my 4 subs and me to Maui when we were all in grade school except Johnny, who started as a freshman at Maui High. When I was verbally attacked by the fifth grade teacher for being late to class, I was so terrified I froze, but I looked straight into her face instead of down (my folks always said “look at me when I am talking to you!”). I couldn’t figure out at the time why this pissed her off so much more, until I had enough experience to realize that she thought I was being sassy, staring her in the eyes. Unfortunately, the experience of the Hawaiian people with the missionaries, the military, the oligarchs, and the politicians of the US was awful, just as it was for the Mainland indigenes - and we had only the most rudimentary classes in Hawaiian history, no Hawaiian language or literature classes. So I didn’t know a lot of the unsavory history until I left Hawaii at 18 and over the ensuing years learned the shameful truth.
Excellent observers and writers like you, Walter, help to raise us up as more thoughtful humans. I am always deeply grateful to you and your cohort for ongoing enlightenment. The problem is that we humans, and not liking to think of ourselves this way, are still animals. Very tribal animals mostly lacking instincts. And fear seems to be a mighty motivator. Not only are victims of bullying fearful, as I was as a young girl, but often the bullies themselves are violent due to their own fears and inadequacies. Humans also seem to be particularly susceptible to a impressive variety of mental health issues. It's as if we are struggling somewhere along the evolutionary path and are at a point between great intellectual ascendance and basic violent animal group reaction. We've got quite a ways to go it seems as we keep on keeping on with being dangerous dumb-asses.
I have a long way to go as well. Through writing, and through reading kind and thoughtful comments like yours, I learn more every day. It’s stunning how much progress we can make. Thanks for your kind words!
I really appreciate your articles, I learn so much about the US and how things are done there and the politics. This article reminded me a lot of what I learned about New Zealand and how Maori were treated in the past, and how the whole society just thought it was ok - the code of silence. I'm glad NZ has come a long way, but they still have a long way to go. Something tells me the road the US has to go is a little longer though...
Agreed. I spent my formative years on Maui. When I visited New Zealand as an adult, I totally recognized the way the indigenous culture was not honored so much as bent into performances for tourists.
A powerful anecdote about your school. It’s amazing what teachers got away with in the last century. But it seems to have been a critical moment for your development into a fighter for human rights in the face of bullying. Keep up the fight.
I think they still get away with this in many rural communities. That's why we have an ajudicated rapist running for president.
Well said. My experience growing up in Northern Minnesota described through your words. The “code of silence” is deeply entrenched in this country, as our cultural racism clearly demonstrates. Thank you!
Yup. I think the code of silence has its roots in the idea that we shouldn't discuss politics or religion at dinner.
As I read your essay, I realized that too am guilty of silence. Speaking up for me often comes with negative, hurtful consequences.
Yes, I know what you mean. As a writer, I often disguise what I really mean in order to read the room. We all do it to some extent, so don’t beat yourself up.
Thank you for this honest piece. I grew up in a similar environment and can completely relate. It got so bad for me that I had to drop out of school and get my GED as soon as I turned 16. I was able to attend a community college after that and continue my education, but how many potential great minds have been stifled by fear? How much worse is it going to get? I fear for the new generation, my grandchildren. The indoctrination has gotten more extreme. Hate groups (Moms for Liberty) are infiltrating our schools and rewriting history. Criminalizing free thought and force feeding religion. My heart breaks for the new generation, I truly am scared.
I considered quitting too. These conservative/authoritarian rural school districts are brutal. I watch my kids go to school and love it and I can't comprehend what their experience must be like. I hope that when Kamala gets elected, we'll start seeing some major change. Take your children/grandchildren abroad if you get the opportunity. It's powerful to realize the whole world isn't like Small Town USA.
Powerfully written. The code of silence and the burden of shame have a lasting impact.
Thank you Trudi!
A pleasure, Walter✨
You captured the anguish of the perceptive child, surrounded by hypocrites and bullies, with nowhere to take that anguish. Telling the truth can get a person killed. Being aware and helpless is a nightmare. Thanks for this powerful piece.
We have a large population of that tribe in Manitoba, and one member (Wab Kinew) is currently the Premier, so we have to take them seriously.
THANK YOU.
You did right, Walter. Those were scary times.
Yes. They were even scarier because I was young and small. I'm an adult now, and I'm still scared.
When the adults are against you, it's time to go small. Surviving and remembering to tell the tale lets the truth be told.
This was wonderful. Thank you for writing the truth. Bless you.
Thanks Lala!
I know what choosing silence means as a child. It is choosing the lesser of two evils, then discovering that everything is evil. Once you make that choice, a darkness comes from behind your eyes—you are behind your sight, you walk carefully. I never wanted to make a misstep again, but I had no way to judge if I was on the sidewalk in front of my house or standing on the edge of a crumbling cliff at the end of the world.
Being physically abused as a child is enduring a crime against humanity, and when physical abuse includes crimes a child can’t conceive or put into words— life becomes a painful mystery that you don’t dare try to solve.
As an adult I’ve struggled but mostly I’ve kept putting one foot in front of the other. Did the challenges I’ve faced change me? I can only imagine they did, but so did every step I’ve ever taken.
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that every step taken in the dark is an act of courage. It is proof of life to be on the move—it is self-preservation to walk away, as far away as you can get is the destination to choose.
You’ll know when your journey has brought you to a safe place. The darkness behind your eyes lifts, you realize you were right to keep walking, your own feet didn’t betray you. Your internal compass proved to be trustworthy. The detours provided a change of pace, a new perspective, or a step up to higher ground to gauge how far you’ve come.
Life is what it is, and it is a struggle that starts when we’re born. For some it is easier and for some it isn’t. Some people are incredibly flawed and do damage at every turn. There are 8.2 billion of us on the planet, and I personally imagine that a significant portion of those multibillions of people are broken and are compelled to break others.
But also a significant number of us are good healers, we have scars to prove our healing powers, and stories and adventures to recount our great escapes, our disappearing acts, our enemies we outsmarted, our remarkable lucky breaks, and friends and lovers we met, and all the
strangers we helped heal too.
This is a very stressful, infuriating, and compelling time to be alive. I’m scared, mad as hell, nursing my outrage, and feeling like my voice and my vote is not fucking close to enough. I’m frustrated beyond belief. So there’s that….
But, I work in mental health care with children and families, and I have a final year of a grant project to complete. So that’s what I’m going be doing, no matter how the next 7 weeks go by, or what bizarre political result or upheaval comes, I’ll keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Your responses are always so thoughtful and important Linda! I often read them on my phone and then intend to reply once I get back to a keyboard. Know that I'm reading them even if sometimes I don't get a chance to respond!
Thanks, writing and reading are like nutrients to me.
My folks moved my 4 subs and me to Maui when we were all in grade school except Johnny, who started as a freshman at Maui High. When I was verbally attacked by the fifth grade teacher for being late to class, I was so terrified I froze, but I looked straight into her face instead of down (my folks always said “look at me when I am talking to you!”). I couldn’t figure out at the time why this pissed her off so much more, until I had enough experience to realize that she thought I was being sassy, staring her in the eyes. Unfortunately, the experience of the Hawaiian people with the missionaries, the military, the oligarchs, and the politicians of the US was awful, just as it was for the Mainland indigenes - and we had only the most rudimentary classes in Hawaiian history, no Hawaiian language or literature classes. So I didn’t know a lot of the unsavory history until I left Hawaii at 18 and over the ensuing years learned the shameful truth.