Is this the same cousin you wrote about before? Poor bloke. How messed up he must be! Dogs are better than people. I pity those who choose not to value either.
Cruelty is cowardice. An ego wank for damaged minds. Glad your dog got better. Glad that you already were better than the wretched hole your uncle tried to pull you into.. marking you, trying to make you as bad, sad, and mad as himself. Cruelty is a violation of the soul. And you avoided the trap.
Yes, his dad was very violent, but this is like the fundamental conservative mindset. They seem to take pleasure in killing the things they love. It's a sick philosophy. I wonder how we can reclaim the kids who were forced to murder their pets. I think a lot of that is driving modern American politics.
Exactly why we, as good Americans, cannot live with grabbing our fellow humans off the streets, or out of their homes, & sending them off to a prison in El Salvador without any due process. It’s wrong & it’s cruel.
Ohhh…..this was painful to read, content-wise, but so insightful and provocative in terms of attitudes, learned behavior, coercion, tradition, obedience, and myriad valleys we all find ourselves having to navigate. I, like millions of others, consider my dog the purest friend I’ll ever have. That’s why this essay made my heart respond to what you bravely faced and overcame.
Looking back, it's such a relief not to have succumbed to the pressure, but it was no easy thing. My heart goes out to the kids who are forced to make the wrong choice.
One more thing: a military term for what to do when surprised by an enemy (especially one fully loaded who is trying to encircle you) is to take Evasive Action! Please re-name your “lie” as evasive action to avoid their deadly plans for you and your dog and feel the relief that your action was timely and effective. Daniel
Whew, that is some story. I’m glad you were able to get out from underneath your relative’s pressure. You were light years ahead of those people in your knowledge, empathy and character. I applaud you.
Thank you! It wasn't easy and, the thing is, I felt shame because I didn't do what they want. I also felt ashamed that I had to lie and deceive them. We don't get out of these battles unscathed. They attack on multiple fronts, but things are better these days.
Yes, many people are good at that. The anti choice crowd use massive shaming against women who want authority over their own bodies, to make choices about the trajectory of their own lives. They are vicious in their shaming.
I guess Kristi Noem ascribes to this philosophy. It's very disturbing. We've had to have several dogs euthanized due to old age and serious illness or organ shutdown, and it's not easy. Compassion can be painful, but it's also life affirming. I'm so sorry your family exposed you to this kind of bullying.
Yes. Her scandal is what brought this story to mind. I grew up in a rural, conservative community that treated kids this way. I believe that euthanizing a suffering dog is an act of kindness, but this awful idea of taking a dog into the woods to shoot it is just cruelty. I don't talk to anyone in my family anymore. None of them will ever admit their behaviors were wrong.
ONG, I’ve never heard about this soul crushing technique before!! That is horrendous & that’s what it’s intended to do; crush the person’s will to resist an order, to “break” their souls.
I grew up in a community that felt this way. My father shot two of our dogs. 🙃 I was never ok about it. Thank you for this writing and especially that your dog got well and lived a long life! I wish people would realize the same can apply in all sorts of dogmas. Get second opinions folks! Cruelty is generated by fear and limited understanding in many arenas.
Yes, people often want to rush awful decisions. It's worth taking a step back and thinking about it for a second. I'm sorry you had to deal with that level of cruelty. How do you look at a person who shot your dog? It's worse when you have to see that person every day. Sigh... well, at least we're talking about it now.
Cruelty is pretty pervasive and rarely directly intentional in my experience. I was so often unable to understand the small-minded choices of others much of my life. But, it didn’t mean I loved my dad (or others) any less. He thought he was doing the right thing. All we can do is our best. Stand on our truth. And change when we learn to be better.
That's a very interesting point of discussion. I've always contended that if cruelty is the result, it doesn't matter if it was intentional or not (but this is a complex and important philosophical point). I might have to revisit that idea. Thanks for your thoughtful comments!
Me in my life, cruelty is not common. In the larger world it is. I am not able to use a wider view about cruelty because of the damage it inflicts. There are cultural subgroups that have a no tolerance of difference who punish if that difference appears. If there is no hope of reason helping, I do not permit their cruelty to continue by removing myself from them. I’m sorry to report that there can be a sadistic joy in being cruel. Those are the worst because their intended victim can see, feel and hear it in their demeanor and actions, Escape is the right course in my thinking.
Walter, I am sorry you had to face this cruel treatment. My heart goes to that thoughtful and sensitive boy you were, pressured by cruel, insecure people lacking in self awareness. You write powerfully about these experience and it shows how backwards these common philosophies in American life are. Thank you!
I think the worst part is that our society still hasn't evolved to the point where we openly discuss how awful this kind of cruel behavior actually is. With baby steps, we'll get there!
What a sad memory. I think these are conversations we should have with our children. (Speaking as someone who doesn't have children). I know that I couldn't take my dog out and shoot it. But the responsibility to our pets is something that should be addressed.
I was 12 and came home from camp to find that my cat had fallen into a barrel of oil somewhere. My mom cleaned her up as best as she could and tried to make her comfortable. We went to the vet the next day and had her examined. It turned out she had feline leukemia and the prognosis wasn't good.
My mom took me out to the car to have a conversation. My cat was in a lot of pain and we had to think about putting her down. She let me ask questions and when I understood that it would be the kind thing to do. We had her put down and to this day I remember my mother's kindness.
I always hear from farmers that we shouldn't make pets of the livestock. This sounds like the attitude your uncle has towards animals. How much we love our animals is a testament to how we treat them. If they are just dumb things, then there isn't much attachment. If they are our companions then things change.
I still think these conversations need to happen with children. You can't shield them from death. But they could be handled much better.
Hi Walter, what hurts about your disclosure is how the coalesced against you! YOU were the one in their gun sights! You felt them all pointed at you. Thankfully your appearance of accepting their commands gave you the freedom not to kill your dog. He was far more valuable than them. Daniel
That's an astute observation. Now that you mention it, I've often be the focal point of a hostile mob. Yes, he was a good boy. Though I'm still resentful that they forced me to resort to dishonesty to save him. But I'd do it again. Thanks for the comment!
Your uncle and cousin and people of their ethical persuasion are a bit sick in the soul. And you know...there's only way to handle that. You just take them out to the woods....Wonder how they would like the same treatment? Dogs ARE the living embodiment of the purest kind of love and devotion and they will feel the betrayal of murder as well as fear and a tremendous loss of innocence in their final moments.
I am so sorry you had to endure that. I think I just would have broken down and cried.
You're the best, Walter. Thank you for being such a sensitive, kind soul!
Thanks Jess, that's very nice of you. It's odd how the sadness can back up inside you then come out all at once. I would spare other people from having to endure that kind of treatment if I could. I think writing about it helps.
We who are vegans use this same logic to explain why it’s wrong to breed & raise billions of animals (most often in cruel conditions) only to kill them & eat them.
Far more people would probably become vegan if they had to go out to the barn & shoot Miss Piggy just so they could have some bacon or a pork chop. It doesn’t change the cruelty of animal agriculture just because you pay someone else to do it for you.
I think similar stories to this one drive a lot of conservative/republican ideology in the USA. It's also why we can't ban assault rifles to save school children. Thanks for reading, I appreciate your comment!
I'm so sorry that you had to endure that abuse. Your pup was very fortunate to have been loved and protected by you, especially considering that, in allowing him to live, you knew you would be opening yourself up to their continued derision and humiliation. You were brave.
it is easier for a man to not deal with the emotions of a sick anything...my personal experience until I met my husband of 27 years. I think we have a real big problem with white men not knowing or caring about knowing or caring...my personal experience with 6 brothers!
As someone who has spent thousands of dollars on vet appointments and surgeries - including Spinal surgery when our three year-old Chihuahua was paralyzed - for our dogs, this attitude is just unfathomable!
Is this the same cousin you wrote about before? Poor bloke. How messed up he must be! Dogs are better than people. I pity those who choose not to value either.
Cruelty is cowardice. An ego wank for damaged minds. Glad your dog got better. Glad that you already were better than the wretched hole your uncle tried to pull you into.. marking you, trying to make you as bad, sad, and mad as himself. Cruelty is a violation of the soul. And you avoided the trap.
Yes, his dad was very violent, but this is like the fundamental conservative mindset. They seem to take pleasure in killing the things they love. It's a sick philosophy. I wonder how we can reclaim the kids who were forced to murder their pets. I think a lot of that is driving modern American politics.
That's a beautiful story. Thank you. I would never have been able to kill my dog either. Be true to your spirit.
Thanks. Sometimes you have to make a stand. There are things decent people simply can't live with.
Exactly why we, as good Americans, cannot live with grabbing our fellow humans off the streets, or out of their homes, & sending them off to a prison in El Salvador without any due process. It’s wrong & it’s cruel.
Ohhh…..this was painful to read, content-wise, but so insightful and provocative in terms of attitudes, learned behavior, coercion, tradition, obedience, and myriad valleys we all find ourselves having to navigate. I, like millions of others, consider my dog the purest friend I’ll ever have. That’s why this essay made my heart respond to what you bravely faced and overcame.
Looking back, it's such a relief not to have succumbed to the pressure, but it was no easy thing. My heart goes out to the kids who are forced to make the wrong choice.
The worlds we inherit.
Very true.
One more thing: a military term for what to do when surprised by an enemy (especially one fully loaded who is trying to encircle you) is to take Evasive Action! Please re-name your “lie” as evasive action to avoid their deadly plans for you and your dog and feel the relief that your action was timely and effective. Daniel
That's a valid point. I'll have to reflect on that more and figure out how to purge that lingering sense of wrongness.
Whew, that is some story. I’m glad you were able to get out from underneath your relative’s pressure. You were light years ahead of those people in your knowledge, empathy and character. I applaud you.
Thank you! It wasn't easy and, the thing is, I felt shame because I didn't do what they want. I also felt ashamed that I had to lie and deceive them. We don't get out of these battles unscathed. They attack on multiple fronts, but things are better these days.
They should be ashamed. Not you. 🤘🏼
I know, but they know how to wield shame like a weapon.
Yes, many people are good at that. The anti choice crowd use massive shaming against women who want authority over their own bodies, to make choices about the trajectory of their own lives. They are vicious in their shaming.
I guess Kristi Noem ascribes to this philosophy. It's very disturbing. We've had to have several dogs euthanized due to old age and serious illness or organ shutdown, and it's not easy. Compassion can be painful, but it's also life affirming. I'm so sorry your family exposed you to this kind of bullying.
Yes. Her scandal is what brought this story to mind. I grew up in a rural, conservative community that treated kids this way. I believe that euthanizing a suffering dog is an act of kindness, but this awful idea of taking a dog into the woods to shoot it is just cruelty. I don't talk to anyone in my family anymore. None of them will ever admit their behaviors were wrong.
German nazi sa soldiers were given puppies at the start of their training, then were required to kill them once bonds were formed and training ended.
nazis are not role models.
period.
I've heard of that tactic before, but I didn't realize it began in nazi Germany. What a sad and cruel way to treat young men and their loyal dogs.
ONG, I’ve never heard about this soul crushing technique before!! That is horrendous & that’s what it’s intended to do; crush the person’s will to resist an order, to “break” their souls.
Oh Jesus. Really? How awful!
I grew up in a community that felt this way. My father shot two of our dogs. 🙃 I was never ok about it. Thank you for this writing and especially that your dog got well and lived a long life! I wish people would realize the same can apply in all sorts of dogmas. Get second opinions folks! Cruelty is generated by fear and limited understanding in many arenas.
Yes, people often want to rush awful decisions. It's worth taking a step back and thinking about it for a second. I'm sorry you had to deal with that level of cruelty. How do you look at a person who shot your dog? It's worse when you have to see that person every day. Sigh... well, at least we're talking about it now.
Cruelty is pretty pervasive and rarely directly intentional in my experience. I was so often unable to understand the small-minded choices of others much of my life. But, it didn’t mean I loved my dad (or others) any less. He thought he was doing the right thing. All we can do is our best. Stand on our truth. And change when we learn to be better.
That's a very interesting point of discussion. I've always contended that if cruelty is the result, it doesn't matter if it was intentional or not (but this is a complex and important philosophical point). I might have to revisit that idea. Thanks for your thoughtful comments!
It is pretty clear that my life experience is different from Aubrey’s. I admire her ability to take Broader view of human motivation .,For
Me in my life, cruelty is not common. In the larger world it is. I am not able to use a wider view about cruelty because of the damage it inflicts. There are cultural subgroups that have a no tolerance of difference who punish if that difference appears. If there is no hope of reason helping, I do not permit their cruelty to continue by removing myself from them. I’m sorry to report that there can be a sadistic joy in being cruel. Those are the worst because their intended victim can see, feel and hear it in their demeanor and actions, Escape is the right course in my thinking.
Thank you for that well-thought out comment!
Walter, I am sorry you had to face this cruel treatment. My heart goes to that thoughtful and sensitive boy you were, pressured by cruel, insecure people lacking in self awareness. You write powerfully about these experience and it shows how backwards these common philosophies in American life are. Thank you!
I think the worst part is that our society still hasn't evolved to the point where we openly discuss how awful this kind of cruel behavior actually is. With baby steps, we'll get there!
What a sad memory. I think these are conversations we should have with our children. (Speaking as someone who doesn't have children). I know that I couldn't take my dog out and shoot it. But the responsibility to our pets is something that should be addressed.
I was 12 and came home from camp to find that my cat had fallen into a barrel of oil somewhere. My mom cleaned her up as best as she could and tried to make her comfortable. We went to the vet the next day and had her examined. It turned out she had feline leukemia and the prognosis wasn't good.
My mom took me out to the car to have a conversation. My cat was in a lot of pain and we had to think about putting her down. She let me ask questions and when I understood that it would be the kind thing to do. We had her put down and to this day I remember my mother's kindness.
I always hear from farmers that we shouldn't make pets of the livestock. This sounds like the attitude your uncle has towards animals. How much we love our animals is a testament to how we treat them. If they are just dumb things, then there isn't much attachment. If they are our companions then things change.
I still think these conversations need to happen with children. You can't shield them from death. But they could be handled much better.
Hi Walter, what hurts about your disclosure is how the coalesced against you! YOU were the one in their gun sights! You felt them all pointed at you. Thankfully your appearance of accepting their commands gave you the freedom not to kill your dog. He was far more valuable than them. Daniel
That's an astute observation. Now that you mention it, I've often be the focal point of a hostile mob. Yes, he was a good boy. Though I'm still resentful that they forced me to resort to dishonesty to save him. But I'd do it again. Thanks for the comment!
Your uncle and cousin and people of their ethical persuasion are a bit sick in the soul. And you know...there's only way to handle that. You just take them out to the woods....Wonder how they would like the same treatment? Dogs ARE the living embodiment of the purest kind of love and devotion and they will feel the betrayal of murder as well as fear and a tremendous loss of innocence in their final moments.
I am so sorry you had to endure that. I think I just would have broken down and cried.
You're the best, Walter. Thank you for being such a sensitive, kind soul!
Thanks Jess, that's very nice of you. It's odd how the sadness can back up inside you then come out all at once. I would spare other people from having to endure that kind of treatment if I could. I think writing about it helps.
We who are vegans use this same logic to explain why it’s wrong to breed & raise billions of animals (most often in cruel conditions) only to kill them & eat them.
Far more people would probably become vegan if they had to go out to the barn & shoot Miss Piggy just so they could have some bacon or a pork chop. It doesn’t change the cruelty of animal agriculture just because you pay someone else to do it for you.
The story horrifies me to my core.
I think similar stories to this one drive a lot of conservative/republican ideology in the USA. It's also why we can't ban assault rifles to save school children. Thanks for reading, I appreciate your comment!
I'm so sorry that you had to endure that abuse. Your pup was very fortunate to have been loved and protected by you, especially considering that, in allowing him to live, you knew you would be opening yourself up to their continued derision and humiliation. You were brave.
it is easier for a man to not deal with the emotions of a sick anything...my personal experience until I met my husband of 27 years. I think we have a real big problem with white men not knowing or caring about knowing or caring...my personal experience with 6 brothers!
As someone who has spent thousands of dollars on vet appointments and surgeries - including Spinal surgery when our three year-old Chihuahua was paralyzed - for our dogs, this attitude is just unfathomable!
Me too. I can't imagine the disconnect people establish from their impulses to cultivate affection.