last month, when my mom was rushed to the hospital my cel phone was inexplicably getting no service (this had been going on for nearly a month) ... imminently concerned about my mom & her well-being & having NO access to communications, i knocked on my neighbors' door ... i explained the situation ... they connected me to their wifi ... so, this paradigm DOES still exist in the world; however, i agree with you -- it exists in this world as an endangered species ...
this piece that you wrote is so beautiful & i thank you for it ... sadly, i also think that the people who NEED to read it will NEVER read it ...
and while i am totally in basic agreement with you, i think it also must be said that, when i read your beautiful piece, i could not help but think about : what if your neighbors VOTED for the people on private jets, going to private islands, in those far-off towers ... how can we stand with them in neighborly love ???
i truly believe that we are (& have been) living actually WITHIN A STATE OF CIVIL WAR ... it obviously "looks" way different than it did in the 1860s ... nonetheless, it is still as dangerous & lethal ... and it -- tragically -- seems to me that the "two sides" here are truly like oil & water : they simply do NOT & can NOT mix ...
i am honored to stand with you & your beautiful beliefs ... & i honestly hope that -- somehow -- we can find our ways back to it ...
there might not be any answers … however, i resolutely believe that the conversations & communications like this are absolutely essential & do work in the furtherance of creating a more positive & healthy world & society for all of us … i think the very nature of the twenty first century is just truly a different world than before … i honestly consider this community on substack exactly what you are writing about … WE are the NEIGHBORS of the twenty first century … i cannot knock on your door, or drive your kids to school, however “this” IS a connection of some sort … so, THANK YOU NEIGHBOR, the work that you are doing is invaluable & is extremely meaningful to many people — including myself … ✌🏽✨✌🏽✨✌🏽
I'm lucky. My Neighborhood still works the ole timey way. Of course, it's full of old people. Younger people haven't been taught the ole timey way, where if you didn't respect everyone, you knew a paddling was imminent. Age limit does not apply to he 76 y.o. orange baby. Maybe he was raised by wolves?
Actually, punishment doesn't work either. It only serves to create other punishers when they grow up. Far far more successful is 1) setting limits, 2) having "consequences" for not observing the limits (i.e., no TV for a certain time, no play dates, no dessert . . . removing something that a child likes for a time; and 3) being consistent. So difficult to do when a child, whose energy far exceeds yours, chips away at your patience until you "give in." Don't give in. Ever. That way a child knows what to expect and, paradoxically feels "safe."
I agree completely when it comes to children. I think Sandra was referring to paddling adults (somewhat facetiously). But you make an excellent point here Patricia. I never once raised my hands against my own kids and everybody compliments me on how polite and wonderful they are.
He’s 78. Will be the same age Biden was at end of term. MSM yelled all the time about biden’s age. But not Trump who I believe is showing signs of frontotemporal dementia. MSN is complicit in all the horrible things president musk and his friend Trump are doing.
Thanks for this Walter. I am fortunate to live amongst great neighbors, in a blue bubble in which I can control my little corner of the universe where I choose to practice kindness and do the right thing. That's all I can do for now. Meeting hate with hate only creates more hatred. Hate is powerless when met with love and acceptance. Meanwhile, there is a sense of living in an unreal world where the emperor has no clothes and even those you would expect to see this are playing along with the insanity. Let's stay sane together!
What a great essay. I would like to tell these MAGA people: You’ve been taught to think it's ok to be hateful to your fellow humans. You’ve been lied to and cheated. We are ALL the same…we’re human. The GOP is delighted that they’ve got you so mad. Stop giving in to their propaganda!
Hello, Walter. Much resonated with me in this. And I've read with interest your response below, to vr colletti.
When I was a lad we used to talk about "the other half" and how they live. It's different to how "we" live and, of course, arithmetically, they're not a half. Whether they're louche criminals, wealthy bankers, or just two models up from my Honda. They're them and, on occasion, they can be the other half.
I'm surprised that there is such an atmosphere of distrust and wariness in your locality. I don't feel the same thing here where I am. We don't live in each other's affairs, but there's a sense of community. At election times, I see posters go up in neighbouring houses for a whole range of political parties, but they still remain my neighbours, and I theirs. So, this is different: a politician has been elected to office in your country by virtue of whom those who were previously neighbours aren't any more. Is that it? Or do Americans get repelled when they learn that someone's political allegiances differ from their own? Because that should not happen if everyone's faith in the democracy you vaunt and cherish remains firm.
Even the rich have neighbours. So, it can be hard to distinguish who constitute "them". It could be assumed that anyone with a certain model of Honda is a voter for a certain political party. But you can't know that. There are rich who demand to be taxed. And there are rich in spirit who live as hermits. There are poor who live beyond their means. If your community has allowed a "perception" of political affinity to carve a schism through it, then the community must re-form around the issues on which there is no dispute. What your reply to "vr" indicates is that that is what you are wanting to do.
I used to do amateur theatre. There were plays I was less interested in, so I had little to do with them. And others where I took a starring role. The indifference or enthusiasm for a given project did not detract from the members' feelings of belonging to the group. But it was a group formed within a narrow segment of interest, so differences were easily resolved, the next time around was never far away. Maybe a return to normality IS far away for America.
I read with interest your exhortation to do something "just to be nice." What has become apparent now is that just being nice is not in any more. Take human rights which, the name suggests, are owned and exercisable by anyone who qualifies as a human. No, they're not. We know very well they're not. More people lack exercisable human rights than exercise them. The reason is that a human right stands contrary to the interests of others, very odd to relate. My right to breathe (pure air) stands contrary to the right of others to foul the air. No human rights, despite the Universal Declaration thereof, actually get conferred unless there is a quid pro quo. Human rights are no different in that respect to, say, tenancy rights or consumer rights.
I think there is where one has to meet this problematic: how to make interaction with our communities less transactional. Let me leave with this. I run an old car and it has no GPS. So I get lost a lot. A year or two back, I was driving through Waremme looking for the post office. Down the narrow high street, a lady burdened with bread rolls came marching out of the bakery, and I hailed her and spoke through the open window to ask her where the post office is. What an extraodinary look of thoughtfulness and then - nothing less - elation: She knew the answer. As if she's guessed an answer on Jeopardy before the quizmaster told the audience. I bet she returned home that evening and told her husband, "You'll never guess what happened today", partly because GPS is so prevalent, we don't ask each other for directions so much nowadays, but more so because of this: she enjoyed being helpful. She relished it. Not eveyone does, but people actually like "being nice". Except: the prospect of being nice for nothing always invites the response: what's in it for me?
Thank you. In my view, we need more of such writing.
We also need more discussion, examination, comparison, analysis of this issue as part of school curriculums at all levels as well as in universities.
We need an understanding by authorities that children learn more and more quickly than adults and that their capacity to do so decreases with age.
We need authorities, policy makers, and others with the roles that allow them to create and modify policy to recognise that much of what is taught in school will readily be learned by children who are simply allowed to enjoy the world and explore and gain relationships within it.
We know that school is mostly about socialisation, not education.
So, if that is how it is to be, at the very least, let us focus on understanding and acceptance; on the universalities of human experience; on the opportunities that difference provides and that it should be celebrated rather than demeaned, alienated or ostracised.
Let us recognise that the humanities domain is *more important* than that of science, technology, engineering and mathematics (STEM )- if we want to build collaborate relationships, cooperation, compromise and/or consensus, a peaceful and safe world for all - if we want to control the results of STEM rather than see it continuously and increasingly control us.
Let us learn from great literature, art, poetry, dance, mime, song, music, storytelling and all of the creative arts which most powerfully portray human experience at its best and worst and demonstrate, indeed *reveal* the truths that we all know in our 'hearts' and which show us how to be better human beings and to manage the brilliance, invention, innovation and initiative of what the best of STEM students, scholars and practitioners bring to the world, such that it is about equity, equality and moral progress, rather than power, control, might, destruction, and profit over people.
We need philosophers, idealists, humanitarians, idealists - we need them desperately and we need them to be given a primary role in moulding humanity such that we become more intelligent, more caring, more compassionate and more attuned to the reality that we are but small specs in a universe of universes and, so far, have used only a tiny fraction of our individual and collective intelligence, intellect and potential because we have been too busily involved with personal gain, power, control, manipulation, materialism, ownership, conquest and asserting our superiority over others and our claims to *rights* over land and natural resources and geo-political areas - lines drawn on a map dictating ownership, power and control that is a short term illusion or delusion and yet holds us back and creates the enmity that diverts us from being a truly emancipated and worthwhile race which seeks to be the very best it can be.
Thank you for a post that stands as a good reminder. We are ALL neighbors. We all have fears about having enough. We share fears for our children. In my case, I have fears for my grandchildren and great-grandchildren. We can be consumed by our fears, or we can remember that we are more similar than different. We are neighbors facing the same basics of life.
We cut off our maga neighbors because they voted the criminal back into the WH. So everything he is doing, they are complicit in. I cannot ‘be nice’ to people who believe and support his policies.
I’m blessed to be around neighbors that still mingle and help each other. My neighbor said we’re allowed to use her printer any time (since libraries close at a certain time).
last month, when my mom was rushed to the hospital my cel phone was inexplicably getting no service (this had been going on for nearly a month) ... imminently concerned about my mom & her well-being & having NO access to communications, i knocked on my neighbors' door ... i explained the situation ... they connected me to their wifi ... so, this paradigm DOES still exist in the world; however, i agree with you -- it exists in this world as an endangered species ...
this piece that you wrote is so beautiful & i thank you for it ... sadly, i also think that the people who NEED to read it will NEVER read it ...
and while i am totally in basic agreement with you, i think it also must be said that, when i read your beautiful piece, i could not help but think about : what if your neighbors VOTED for the people on private jets, going to private islands, in those far-off towers ... how can we stand with them in neighborly love ???
i truly believe that we are (& have been) living actually WITHIN A STATE OF CIVIL WAR ... it obviously "looks" way different than it did in the 1860s ... nonetheless, it is still as dangerous & lethal ... and it -- tragically -- seems to me that the "two sides" here are truly like oil & water : they simply do NOT & can NOT mix ...
i am honored to stand with you & your beautiful beliefs ... & i honestly hope that -- somehow -- we can find our ways back to it ...
Thank you. I don't have the answers. I'm just trying new things and I'm tired of all the division out there. I want something more positive.
there might not be any answers … however, i resolutely believe that the conversations & communications like this are absolutely essential & do work in the furtherance of creating a more positive & healthy world & society for all of us … i think the very nature of the twenty first century is just truly a different world than before … i honestly consider this community on substack exactly what you are writing about … WE are the NEIGHBORS of the twenty first century … i cannot knock on your door, or drive your kids to school, however “this” IS a connection of some sort … so, THANK YOU NEIGHBOR, the work that you are doing is invaluable & is extremely meaningful to many people — including myself … ✌🏽✨✌🏽✨✌🏽
I'm lucky. My Neighborhood still works the ole timey way. Of course, it's full of old people. Younger people haven't been taught the ole timey way, where if you didn't respect everyone, you knew a paddling was imminent. Age limit does not apply to he 76 y.o. orange baby. Maybe he was raised by wolves?
I don't like the idea of paddling, but other than that I agree :)
Thanks. Paddling was just the corporal punishment of my day. Maybe I should have said reinforcement punishment of some knd.
Actually, punishment doesn't work either. It only serves to create other punishers when they grow up. Far far more successful is 1) setting limits, 2) having "consequences" for not observing the limits (i.e., no TV for a certain time, no play dates, no dessert . . . removing something that a child likes for a time; and 3) being consistent. So difficult to do when a child, whose energy far exceeds yours, chips away at your patience until you "give in." Don't give in. Ever. That way a child knows what to expect and, paradoxically feels "safe."
I agree completely when it comes to children. I think Sandra was referring to paddling adults (somewhat facetiously). But you make an excellent point here Patricia. I never once raised my hands against my own kids and everybody compliments me on how polite and wonderful they are.
He’s 78. Will be the same age Biden was at end of term. MSM yelled all the time about biden’s age. But not Trump who I believe is showing signs of frontotemporal dementia. MSN is complicit in all the horrible things president musk and his friend Trump are doing.
One funny thing. My neighbors have refused to take down their Harris/Walz signs.
That's the opposite of hate :)
Lol! :-) Indeed.
That's their choice. It's their property
Well, I love it. If you look at my Substack profile it should be abundantly clear what my opinion would be.
I think Denise was affirming that Charles :)
👍
Kinda like some folks in our neighborhood who refuse to remove their Trump flags….
Thanks for this Walter. I am fortunate to live amongst great neighbors, in a blue bubble in which I can control my little corner of the universe where I choose to practice kindness and do the right thing. That's all I can do for now. Meeting hate with hate only creates more hatred. Hate is powerless when met with love and acceptance. Meanwhile, there is a sense of living in an unreal world where the emperor has no clothes and even those you would expect to see this are playing along with the insanity. Let's stay sane together!
Keep expanding your bubble of kindness.
What a great essay. I would like to tell these MAGA people: You’ve been taught to think it's ok to be hateful to your fellow humans. You’ve been lied to and cheated. We are ALL the same…we’re human. The GOP is delighted that they’ve got you so mad. Stop giving in to their propaganda!
Yes, that's what we have to tell them. We have to remind them to care for each other.
You are 100% correct!
Hello, Walter. Much resonated with me in this. And I've read with interest your response below, to vr colletti.
When I was a lad we used to talk about "the other half" and how they live. It's different to how "we" live and, of course, arithmetically, they're not a half. Whether they're louche criminals, wealthy bankers, or just two models up from my Honda. They're them and, on occasion, they can be the other half.
I'm surprised that there is such an atmosphere of distrust and wariness in your locality. I don't feel the same thing here where I am. We don't live in each other's affairs, but there's a sense of community. At election times, I see posters go up in neighbouring houses for a whole range of political parties, but they still remain my neighbours, and I theirs. So, this is different: a politician has been elected to office in your country by virtue of whom those who were previously neighbours aren't any more. Is that it? Or do Americans get repelled when they learn that someone's political allegiances differ from their own? Because that should not happen if everyone's faith in the democracy you vaunt and cherish remains firm.
Even the rich have neighbours. So, it can be hard to distinguish who constitute "them". It could be assumed that anyone with a certain model of Honda is a voter for a certain political party. But you can't know that. There are rich who demand to be taxed. And there are rich in spirit who live as hermits. There are poor who live beyond their means. If your community has allowed a "perception" of political affinity to carve a schism through it, then the community must re-form around the issues on which there is no dispute. What your reply to "vr" indicates is that that is what you are wanting to do.
I used to do amateur theatre. There were plays I was less interested in, so I had little to do with them. And others where I took a starring role. The indifference or enthusiasm for a given project did not detract from the members' feelings of belonging to the group. But it was a group formed within a narrow segment of interest, so differences were easily resolved, the next time around was never far away. Maybe a return to normality IS far away for America.
I read with interest your exhortation to do something "just to be nice." What has become apparent now is that just being nice is not in any more. Take human rights which, the name suggests, are owned and exercisable by anyone who qualifies as a human. No, they're not. We know very well they're not. More people lack exercisable human rights than exercise them. The reason is that a human right stands contrary to the interests of others, very odd to relate. My right to breathe (pure air) stands contrary to the right of others to foul the air. No human rights, despite the Universal Declaration thereof, actually get conferred unless there is a quid pro quo. Human rights are no different in that respect to, say, tenancy rights or consumer rights.
I think there is where one has to meet this problematic: how to make interaction with our communities less transactional. Let me leave with this. I run an old car and it has no GPS. So I get lost a lot. A year or two back, I was driving through Waremme looking for the post office. Down the narrow high street, a lady burdened with bread rolls came marching out of the bakery, and I hailed her and spoke through the open window to ask her where the post office is. What an extraodinary look of thoughtfulness and then - nothing less - elation: She knew the answer. As if she's guessed an answer on Jeopardy before the quizmaster told the audience. I bet she returned home that evening and told her husband, "You'll never guess what happened today", partly because GPS is so prevalent, we don't ask each other for directions so much nowadays, but more so because of this: she enjoyed being helpful. She relished it. Not eveyone does, but people actually like "being nice". Except: the prospect of being nice for nothing always invites the response: what's in it for me?
Thank you. In my view, we need more of such writing.
We also need more discussion, examination, comparison, analysis of this issue as part of school curriculums at all levels as well as in universities.
We need an understanding by authorities that children learn more and more quickly than adults and that their capacity to do so decreases with age.
We need authorities, policy makers, and others with the roles that allow them to create and modify policy to recognise that much of what is taught in school will readily be learned by children who are simply allowed to enjoy the world and explore and gain relationships within it.
We know that school is mostly about socialisation, not education.
So, if that is how it is to be, at the very least, let us focus on understanding and acceptance; on the universalities of human experience; on the opportunities that difference provides and that it should be celebrated rather than demeaned, alienated or ostracised.
Let us recognise that the humanities domain is *more important* than that of science, technology, engineering and mathematics (STEM )- if we want to build collaborate relationships, cooperation, compromise and/or consensus, a peaceful and safe world for all - if we want to control the results of STEM rather than see it continuously and increasingly control us.
Let us learn from great literature, art, poetry, dance, mime, song, music, storytelling and all of the creative arts which most powerfully portray human experience at its best and worst and demonstrate, indeed *reveal* the truths that we all know in our 'hearts' and which show us how to be better human beings and to manage the brilliance, invention, innovation and initiative of what the best of STEM students, scholars and practitioners bring to the world, such that it is about equity, equality and moral progress, rather than power, control, might, destruction, and profit over people.
We need philosophers, idealists, humanitarians, idealists - we need them desperately and we need them to be given a primary role in moulding humanity such that we become more intelligent, more caring, more compassionate and more attuned to the reality that we are but small specs in a universe of universes and, so far, have used only a tiny fraction of our individual and collective intelligence, intellect and potential because we have been too busily involved with personal gain, power, control, manipulation, materialism, ownership, conquest and asserting our superiority over others and our claims to *rights* over land and natural resources and geo-political areas - lines drawn on a map dictating ownership, power and control that is a short term illusion or delusion and yet holds us back and creates the enmity that diverts us from being a truly emancipated and worthwhile race which seeks to be the very best it can be.
Thank you for that lovely comment!
Thank you for a post that stands as a good reminder. We are ALL neighbors. We all have fears about having enough. We share fears for our children. In my case, I have fears for my grandchildren and great-grandchildren. We can be consumed by our fears, or we can remember that we are more similar than different. We are neighbors facing the same basics of life.
.Perfectly written ! I love this piece on love. May we all be the helpers that Mr. Rogers always spoke of. Look for the helpers. Love.
We cut off our maga neighbors because they voted the criminal back into the WH. So everything he is doing, they are complicit in. I cannot ‘be nice’ to people who believe and support his policies.
I’m blessed to be around neighbors that still mingle and help each other. My neighbor said we’re allowed to use her printer any time (since libraries close at a certain time).
Stay positive. The right eyes will see it one day
Walter, this is powerful, thank you. Picking up on the truth of “neighbor” is a series on this topic by Amy E Payne. https://www.amyepayne.com/blog.
I have read it and am sharing it with our congregation. Like yours, it is important.
Nice try - but you can’t fix stupid.