Hi- thank you for this post- I also worry about things that don't matter. I was a medical biller for 14 years and medicine in this country is a joke. Doctors won't do anything because without certain symptoms the insurance companies do not pay, because nothing is about what is actually wrong with a person. I have a suggestion for you, and this may not be possible for your situation, I don't know, so I apologize for " You should"-ing you- but if you are able to go to a big, big hospital system like Rush in Chicago or Mayo Clinic in several states - THEY will help you. Little doctors do not make enough money or get enough government subsidies to write off possible denied insurance claims, but Rush and Mayo do it all the time. All the federal immigrant programs, Native America programs, and prison systems take patients here because they know it can be written off and they will get enough subsidies to stay in business. I hope this is helpful and I hope you find out what is ailing you. Health should be the most important worry in our lives, and I hope you get well.
Worrying is a symptom of wanting to control what you cannot control. Focus on what you can control and your worrying will diminish if not disappear. I am not saying not worrying is easy. I am saying that there is a workaround to the worry, and you need to work it.
A very moving post. I also grew up seeing a lot of violence(the 1970s). I reacted by moving to a large city in Canada that was relatively peaceful and had really good medical care. Now I live in a small university town in Michigan. Not only is there not a lot of violence, the healthcare is better in many ways than even Canadian free healthcare. I honestly think you and your family would like it here. Plus, we have a fabulous Democratic governor. Just saying.
I grew up and lost classmates and friends mostly to drunken driving. A terrible action on W.Va. Roads. My class is octogenarian, and over half the 213 are gone.
I had a mom who worried incessantly, so I got to see up close and personal the effect it had on her. I vowed not to do that because of the time she missed out on living. My entire family poked and prodded her about it (very unhelpful I'm sure), but she would always tell us that we just didn't understand. For her it is what kept bad things at bay - pre-worrying. It was a fascinating study in beliefs.
Let's take curses. People die because they believe someone can put a curse on them. If you don't believe it, it runs off like water on a duck. Psychology of beliefs is my absolute passion in life, and I had an overachieving mom who allowed me an entire lab's worth of observational experience.
This is heartbreaking. Sadly, I learned three years ago that you can see some of the "best doctors" in urban America, and they're so burnt-out, they don't listen, either. What hath we wrought?
Thank you feeling safe explaining how you feel. I think substack allows people a safe place to express what is going with the without judgement. I hope you are able to find someplace and be able to help your girls not have the same issues. Take care of yourself.
I am the king of worriers, not sure if you noticed that or not in many communications, Walter. Sad, I get this from three generations of worryers that I can think of. My grandmother, my mom, and aunt, and their aunts. They all could teach a course in worrying about this and that and the other. My uncle, who lived here in Scottsdale, said I had good teachers with this. I should have a business advertising what you're worried about, give it to me and I will worry for you for $10.00. I take cash, card, PayPal, Venmo, I take it all, friends. No, seriously, though it's a bad habit, and I will worry and overthink the situation to death. I am trying to work on getting out of this habit, but as I said, I had some pretty good teachers, Lol.
I'm sorry to hear about the traumatic event of your classmate dying. It sounds like a very unusual situation. Most people don't die from one punch. It any case, it is still a devastating loss to the family and community that knew the person.
As for the worrying, I understand. We have a lot of things to worry us these days. It is hard to reign it in when there is so much bad news. I hope that you find a way to ease your worries because it can definitely affect your mental health.
I went to a mental health therapist when my sister died several years ago. It helped me because I was able to be honest and not burdening my friends and family with such a heavy topic. I would highly recommend it. Especially if you have a lot of unresolved trauma from your childhood.
Thanks for your kindness and your concern. Dying from one punch is more common than people realize. Our society is far too violent. This was a reflection from some time ago, but yes, I still think about these things.
I agree, we do have a violent society. I think a lot of people get off on the cruelty. You're probably right about the one punch deaths. This was the first time I've heard of someone dying in that manner in real life.
I know that things will come back to haunt us from time to time. These are traumatic experiences, so it makes sense your brain doesn't forget it. They are repressed, but never forgotten.
Hi- thank you for this post- I also worry about things that don't matter. I was a medical biller for 14 years and medicine in this country is a joke. Doctors won't do anything because without certain symptoms the insurance companies do not pay, because nothing is about what is actually wrong with a person. I have a suggestion for you, and this may not be possible for your situation, I don't know, so I apologize for " You should"-ing you- but if you are able to go to a big, big hospital system like Rush in Chicago or Mayo Clinic in several states - THEY will help you. Little doctors do not make enough money or get enough government subsidies to write off possible denied insurance claims, but Rush and Mayo do it all the time. All the federal immigrant programs, Native America programs, and prison systems take patients here because they know it can be written off and they will get enough subsidies to stay in business. I hope this is helpful and I hope you find out what is ailing you. Health should be the most important worry in our lives, and I hope you get well.
Worrying is a symptom of wanting to control what you cannot control. Focus on what you can control and your worrying will diminish if not disappear. I am not saying not worrying is easy. I am saying that there is a workaround to the worry, and you need to work it.
A very moving post. I also grew up seeing a lot of violence(the 1970s). I reacted by moving to a large city in Canada that was relatively peaceful and had really good medical care. Now I live in a small university town in Michigan. Not only is there not a lot of violence, the healthcare is better in many ways than even Canadian free healthcare. I honestly think you and your family would like it here. Plus, we have a fabulous Democratic governor. Just saying.
A heaven is nice but nowhere is safe when rural areas elect fascists
Where is this city in Michigan?
Lansing area.
I grew up and lost classmates and friends mostly to drunken driving. A terrible action on W.Va. Roads. My class is octogenarian, and over half the 213 are gone.
I had a mom who worried incessantly, so I got to see up close and personal the effect it had on her. I vowed not to do that because of the time she missed out on living. My entire family poked and prodded her about it (very unhelpful I'm sure), but she would always tell us that we just didn't understand. For her it is what kept bad things at bay - pre-worrying. It was a fascinating study in beliefs.
Let's take curses. People die because they believe someone can put a curse on them. If you don't believe it, it runs off like water on a duck. Psychology of beliefs is my absolute passion in life, and I had an overachieving mom who allowed me an entire lab's worth of observational experience.
"There were a lot of girls in my school who were 16 going on 48." Creepy...
It is creepy and speaking as a former teenage girl, pretty sure I was one of them...
This is heartbreaking. Sadly, I learned three years ago that you can see some of the "best doctors" in urban America, and they're so burnt-out, they don't listen, either. What hath we wrought?
Thank you feeling safe explaining how you feel. I think substack allows people a safe place to express what is going with the without judgement. I hope you are able to find someplace and be able to help your girls not have the same issues. Take care of yourself.
Thank you for your writing, Walter!
I am the king of worriers, not sure if you noticed that or not in many communications, Walter. Sad, I get this from three generations of worryers that I can think of. My grandmother, my mom, and aunt, and their aunts. They all could teach a course in worrying about this and that and the other. My uncle, who lived here in Scottsdale, said I had good teachers with this. I should have a business advertising what you're worried about, give it to me and I will worry for you for $10.00. I take cash, card, PayPal, Venmo, I take it all, friends. No, seriously, though it's a bad habit, and I will worry and overthink the situation to death. I am trying to work on getting out of this habit, but as I said, I had some pretty good teachers, Lol.
Hi Walter,
I'm sorry to hear about the traumatic event of your classmate dying. It sounds like a very unusual situation. Most people don't die from one punch. It any case, it is still a devastating loss to the family and community that knew the person.
As for the worrying, I understand. We have a lot of things to worry us these days. It is hard to reign it in when there is so much bad news. I hope that you find a way to ease your worries because it can definitely affect your mental health.
I went to a mental health therapist when my sister died several years ago. It helped me because I was able to be honest and not burdening my friends and family with such a heavy topic. I would highly recommend it. Especially if you have a lot of unresolved trauma from your childhood.
Take care of yourself.
Thanks for your kindness and your concern. Dying from one punch is more common than people realize. Our society is far too violent. This was a reflection from some time ago, but yes, I still think about these things.
I agree, we do have a violent society. I think a lot of people get off on the cruelty. You're probably right about the one punch deaths. This was the first time I've heard of someone dying in that manner in real life.
I know that things will come back to haunt us from time to time. These are traumatic experiences, so it makes sense your brain doesn't forget it. They are repressed, but never forgotten.