Tactics for Negotiating With a Malignant Narcissist
Fortunately for all of you, I've had training in how to survive a miserable and abusive situation
Hello Friends,
Sigh...
Things just keep getting worse and worse. To be absolutely honest, I only read about half the news. I read as much as I can take and then I go off and fret. I'll leave fretting about the other half to the rest of you.
One of the things that's become abundantly clear is how the entitled, rich jerks who managed to slither into positions of power are completely ill-equipped to handle all the problems we're facing. I get the sense that most of our politicians (the men anyway) have never been bullied. They've never had to cower in terror on a school bus and cover up to protect themselves from a hail of body blows.
Always take the body blows. Don't let the bullies hit you in the head.
The arrogance is getting quite annoying. These entitled jerks are always the ones who are quick to shout you down when you ask them to do something about all the suffering in the world.
“Well, doing something isn't really practical,” they say.
Or they'll whine, “We haven't got the votes.”
Or they'll say, “Progress can't be fast.”
But it's pretty amazing how all that language goes right out the window when they send you a donation request. All of a sudden they hit you with all this wonderful language about how hard they're going to work.
Yeah... let's see it.
My biggest gripe is that none of these protected little silver spoon boys understands that you can't get through to a narcissist by placating him. The narcissist isn't going to compromise. Instead, he'll make empty promises that he never intends to meet, just to get you to comply with his abusive plans.
You saw this with Zelenskyy. Zelenskyy came to the Oval Office completely ready to make a deal. The one thing he said was, “Well, that guy has broken promises before, so I just need to see some guarantees.”
This is the kind of language that makes a narcissist completely flip out. They flip out not because it's unreasonable, but because they lose power whenever you refuse to offer anything other than immediate obedience to their poorly conceived and self-serving proposals.
The idea of compromise doesn't make it to the table with a narcissist. They won't even engage the realistic objections you might mention. Instead, they start to scream at you. They berate you to comply. They raise their voice and use their physicality to try and intimidate you.
It's the opposite of honest discourse.
This is probably why the concept of mediation exists. There are quite a few relationships that deteriorate into this form of shouting match. Usually the shouting is only on one side because narcissists always pick volume over reason.
Their cognitive dissonance is such that they become really, really, really uncomfortable if you point out the extent to which they're completely full of shit.
But the thing to remember is that you can't have decorum for decorum's sake. They're the ones screaming and trying to bully you. It's not your fault. It's theirs. You can't allow yourself to feel that it's up to you to make some sort of concession just to restore normalcy.
That's never in a million years going to work.
The narcissist is the one who has an obligation to meet the minimal requirements of decency, and they're just not going to do it.
So, at that point, the only thing you can do is get up and walk away. You can resolve to have a conversation at a later date when you're treated with a bit of dignity, but that's all you can do.
The problem is that what we've seen over the last four years is pushover politicians trying to restore order through capitulation.
NO! NO! NO!
Capitulation to a narcissist is NEVER going to work!
NEVER! NEVER! NEVER!
You have to stand up to them. You have an obligation to stand up to them. You've got to remember how they negotiate. They scream, they lie, they insult you, they demand concessions, and they offer empty promises they have no intention of fulfilling.
When you're dealing with a narcissist, you have to get the payment first. Otherwise you're not going to get it. That's the way they work.
It just disgusts me that we're lead by so many weak and entitled men who have clearly never had to contend with a bully. You can't give in to them. We need a Winston Churchill right now. I thought we had one in the last election. Right now, our best options are Jasmine Crockett, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Letitia James, and a few more.
Women know how to handle bullies because all men are bullies, don't start in with the hashtag nonsense, you know it's true.
When Zelenskyy marched out of the Oval Office, I actually felt pretty good. The Russian asset actually thought he'd won the encounter, that shows how convoluted his thought process is. He's one of those people who thinks he can scream and lie and puff up his chest and the world will fall right into line.
Nah... that's not going to happen when people start getting their food and their retirement and their farms taken away.
The problem with being a bully is that you can only threaten violence so many times. People start getting bored with the same old threats. How much more can you threaten to take away? After a while, it starts seeming kind of funny.
Despite what he thinks, the Russian asset looked like a weak and entitled fool. Zelenskyy looked like the hero of our times. I expect Europe will rally around Ukraine, and the American farmers will start to reject the guy cutting all the subsidies they need to survive.
The rest of us just have to remember to persist. Bullies win because they force you into compliance. All we have to do is not comply, no matter how much they lie, no matter how loud they get, no matter how many apologies they demand, no matter how much they shake their finger at us.
Just don't sign the document they shove into your face. You don't have to. Wait it out like you would a storm. Don't negotiate under duress. Fake a panic attack if you have to, but don't do whatever it is they're trying to compel you to do.
Resist, resist, resist.
This too will pass.
One day you'll wake up and they'll all be gone. Outlast them. Oppose them. But NEVER try to cooperate with them. Concede nothing. Keep the receipts. Make them pay in advance. Make them make the first move. Zelenskyy showed us the first crack in the armor. Now it's up to to us to make it wider.
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Yes, agreed. Never give in or placate.
Let’s hope that we have a roof over our heads when they’re gone.