What Conservatives Get Wrong When They Think of Themselves as Decent People

My community is too tolerant of bigots, and I seem to cross paths with them every day

The people on the adjacent court oozed entitlement. Maybe it was the cadence of their speech. Maybe it was the way they spoke a little too loud as if they thought everyone wanted to hear. Maybe it was the way they hung a speaker to the fence and started blasting everyone with AC/DC.

If they'd been teenagers, that would have been fine. I have no problem with teenagers rocking out to AC/DC and laughing at the cartoonish lyrics overflowing with juvenile sexuality.

But it's off-putting when adults of retirement age are blasting their music at the public pickleball courts like they own the place.

Since when did entitlement become the dominant personality trait of the United States? When did we stop appreciating manners in favor of snide comments and insults? Where are the people of advanced age who take pride in being positive role models for our children?

I’d come with my family. My wife is clearly an immigrant and we speak to each other in Spanish. Though my community thinks of itself as “good people,” they are flat out bigoted and hostile when it comes to immigrants.

The whole United States is bigoted and hostile when it comes to immigrants.

Our schools don’t teach inclusion of people who speak different languages. The Republicans have made sure that’s not possible. So, you have an entitled society where people stomp around public spaces believing they own the place.

The KKK-Pickleball club.

I got the sense that the group across from us actually did think they owned the facilities. My community has two brand new pickleball courts constructed with public funds. It's interesting how the music department at the school can't get money for new auditorium seating, but there’s plenty of money for pickleball.

“These courts will be for everybody!” they insist as they wield the gavel at community meetings. But the United States is a nation of double standards. There are laws that apply to entitled rich people, and laws that apply to everyone else. These are unspoken laws. They expect us to know them. They become petulant if we don’t obey.

They become petulant if you dare to take your immigrant family to go play pickleball at the courts your tax dollars funded.

The expectation is that we work and they enjoy the benefits of our labor and nobody complains. That’s the history of America that you’re not allowed to teach.

I’ve been in the United States with my immigrant wife for 15 years. I can sense the change in the atmosphere when some entitled racist doesn’t appreciate her presence. I’m not really in the habit of backing down, or retreating in deference to their evil nature.

Where are the people of advanced age who take pride in being positive role models for children? There are too few, so I’m not going to abdicate that responsibility.

Summer vacation started last Thursday. The park is a mile from our house, so I like to start the day by rousing my kids into some sort of activity.

These days, kids can easily get caught up in the black hole of cell phone screens and tablet screens and television screens. Digital images gobble up your time and rob you of the opportunity to form enduring memories.

“Come on kids! Let's play pickleball!” I say.

And after a little grumbling, we're on our way. I got some paddles to review a few years ago. So, it's a free activity, and those are my favorite kind.

Two of the six courts were occupied when we arrived. We started playing and the ball went “Plock, plock, plock.” We couldn't talk much because the noise of the music was too loud, but it wasn't so loud that it didn't drown out the conversation of the entitled folk on the court adjacent to ours.

They were taking the game way too seriously.

“Is my serve okay?”

“Do you drop the ball, or can you serve overhand?”

I'm a teacher. I know the difference between a legitimate question and something that's said to play to somebody’s ego. It was as if this group was lecturing everyone else present on how the game of pickleball needs to be approached.

A family showing up just to have fun with their kids was unacceptable to them. Particularly an immigrant family.

It's so bizarre to watch the dynamics of certain couples. There's a type of American man I have grown to strongly dislike. They're the men in their fifties or sixties who stomp around like they're still the varsity quarterback. These men are often in the company of women who seem to play up to their sense of importance.

“Please coach me on how to become a more serious pickleball player.”

“Fine, little lady, we have to work on your back swing.”

When I heard that comment, I caught my eldest daughter's eye and we had to swallow our laughter. Sometimes it's stupefying to think of the pitfalls out in the world that actually claim a victim every now and then.

Later on, chatting with my daughter, I said, “You're not ever going to try and act like you're stupid to appease the pathetic ego of some inconsequential man who never bothered to read a book when he was growing up, are you?”

She snorted, “Hell no.”

Sometimes my daughter tells me about how people will say, “You're a try-hard,” or “I can't believe all the books you read.”

“Well, what do you think?” I answer. “Maybe they're saying that because they don't have the drive or the discipline to improve themselves. You're not going to settle for being less just because they're intimidated by your achievements?”

“Dad, you don't have to worry.”

But I do have to worry. That's my job. The pilot light of my worry comes to life when I see men and women in their 60s behaving like entitled and obnoxious toddlers.

The ball from the adjacent court flew into ours. One of the men, trotted right through our game. We’d have tossed him the ball if he’d just waited. But I guess he had to make a point. It felt like a violation. He could have easily gone around because the ball had rolled into the empty court beside us. But he made a point of prancing right beside our net both on the way out and on the way back.

I’ve been in this intolerant country for 15 years with my immigrant wife. Entitled people love to indulge in passive aggressive swipes to make you feel inferior. They probably do it without even thinking about it, but that doesn’t make it okay.

Three times their ball came into our court. The other times my kids scooped it up and returned it. The other group never said, “Thank you.”

A little while later, I took a swing at the ball and it glanced off the tip of my paddle. It ended up in their court. One of the women picked up the ball. “This isn't an outdoor ball!” she snapped.

“Oh, thanks,” I replied. In my mind I thought, “I truly don’t care, we’re just playing with our kids here. This isn’t the pickleball Olympics.”

But my daughters felt they'd been scolded, so they went to the bag and got a different ball, and we kept playing.

Eventually, another court opened up so we moved away from the irritating group. Everything was fine for a while but eventually King Pickleball and his merry group of courtiers decided to pack it up. They gathered up their things, marched to the doorway which was right next to our court, and proceeded to have a lengthy discussion in which they planned out the next ten years of their lives.

They lounged around the door, sometimes casually stepping into the area where I was playing. They could have easily gone outside. They could have taken 10 steps and not bothered anyone. But they made the choice to scream at each other at the top of their lungs right at my shoulder.

“Do you want to come over this weekend? We can open up some bottles of wine, you can even stay over if you want.”

They talked and talked and talked. I looked at my kids and saw that they were reluctant to speak out of fear of being scolded again. I don't like it when my family is made to feel uncomfortable, so I began talking in Spanish as loud as I could.

I’m very loud. I can drown out the National Anthem if I want.

“What are we going to do after this? Are we going to go and get some groceries? That sounds like a lot of fun!”

I got into a rhythm, I can talk all day.

King Pickleball and his crew seemed to take the hint, and they walked away. It wasn't until after all of them had gone that I turned back to notice they'd left the door open to the courts. It occurred to me that I might have chased a ball and gotten a mouth full of pipe frame.

What, were they setting a trap? They felt it was their duty to adhere to pickleball propriety by lecturing everyone on the type of ball they used, but then they wandered off leaving ragged hunks of metal for people to crash into?

My wife mentioned how, on another occasion she’d seen this group scream at somebody about leaving the door open. America is like that. Two sets of rules. One for the rich and privileged, another for the rest of us.

Lately, these passive displays of entitlement really get my blood boiling. I've got no patience left for selfish, self-absorbed individuals who hold everyone in the world to an impossible standard while failing to even make a show of civility themselves.

I was halfway tempted to chase them down and make them come back and shut the door. But at the end of the day, I realize that my children are looking to me for an example more than the self-righteous rich pricks who happen to cross my path. So, I swallowed my anger and turned my attention back to my family.

“I want you girls to understand that courtesy, responsibility, and accountability are still fundamental values. You may not see it yet, but there are consequences when you act like an entitled jerk.”

“Oh, we know that daddy.”

I was wearing my blue shirt that says, “Karma” in large block letters.

There are people who read it as “Kamala” and use that as an excuse to get snitty. They also object when I start speaking in Spanish.

But these bigots never have the courage to confront me directly. They're always passive aggressive. They infringe upon my space They leave the door open. They try to pressure decent people into silence.

All you have to do is look them in they eye and they deflate like a burst balloon. They’re cowards. They rely on an outdated mechanism of oppression that’s built on lies and delusions.

These people would be appalled if you told them their quaint little community was full of intolerant bastards. “Oh, not us, we’re good people. We’re kind people. We’re generous.”

No, you’re a bunch of entitled assholes who leave misery in your wake wherever you go.

Never back down. Speak the truth. Speak it loud. If a space is public, you have a right to it no matter what the bigots have convinced themselves to think. Plant yourself, because if you start giving ground it will never stop.

Most important of all, be an example of decency.

Let the bad faith actors know that there are still consequences for awful behavior. Let your children see that there are still people of advanced age who take pride in being positive role models for our children.

If you don’t see any, be one.

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