Why I’m Not Embarrassed to Admit I Cried During ‘Wicked’

Our emotions represent power that our opponents do not possess

My mood going into 2025 is reflected in a scene from The Sound of Music. Captain Gerog Von Trapp, played by Christopher Plummer, sits down to sing ‘Edelweiss’ at the talent show. He knows his country is about to be overrun by Nazis, and singing the song is an act of defiance. Still, the emotion of the moment gets to him and he almost breaks down.

“Bless my homeland forever.”

That’s how I feel.

My emotions have been running high for the last few months. Over the holiday break, we decided to take our family out to see Wicked. It’s an emotional film for emotional times, and it put a few things in perspective.

When I got home, I posted my recommendation on social media, and admitted that the film made me cry. Somebody replied, “You cried during Wicked? Buddy, you need to grow a pair.”

To which I replied, “My emotion isn’t a consequence of what I lack. I cry because I’m also in possession of a soul. I suggest that you attempt to get in touch with yours.”

Sometimes it feels as if people are too willing to surrender their humanity. It’s important to remember that though we may lose battles, the war rages on. Your soul, and the soul of your nation, is a cause worth fighting for.

Indications of processed pain

What we have in Wicked is a film that shows how the general population can be easily manipulated into perceiving an evil person as good, and to scapegoat a good person as evil. This is done unfairly and to the detriment of all.

They say that life imitates art, but come on…

The character who will come to be known as the “Wicked Witch” is a girl named Elphaba played by Cynthia Erivo. Elphaba is kind. She also possesses legitimate magic which she doesn’t yet know how to control.

Elphaba is green, and there are reoccurring moments of social rejection because of the color of her skin. When she first arrives at the university, the other students are horrified at her appearance. Nervously, Elphaba goes into a mock dialogue where she regurgitates all the unfair questions she’s been forced to endure throughout her life.

I think other versions of Wicked have been less impactful because they’ve used a white woman in green makeup so it feels like a fantasy. But with beautiful and regal Cynthia Erivo in the role, you realize that the pain her character feels is exactly what the Black community has had to endure throughout the racist history of the United States of America.

I found myself reflecting that there was no need to paint her green. Why shouldn’t our film, for once, contain an honest depiction of how loathsome it is for a community to reject a person based on race?

The trend of painting beautiful Black actresses different colors

There have been advances in inclusion in recent times. For example, Halle Bailey was cast to play Ariel in the 2023 version of The Little Mermaid, though it was not without controversy. We most certainly need greater representation for other races, sexual orientations, and ideologies in our arts and literature.

If we’re constantly subjected to films that only feature a Christian, heterosexual, male, white supremacist agenda, you’d rightfully be able to argue that we’re being subjected to propaganda rather than art.

Diversity is good.

But why is it that Black actresses cast in films as examples of inclusion always end up being painted a different color?

Can we please recognize that all races are beautiful?

I was once out walking in the park with my daughters. My wife is from Peru, and my children are clearly mixed race. On one occasion, a young woman came up to me who was overcome with their beauty. She asked me “what they were,” but then she stumbled in embarrassment and dismay over what’s she’d just said.

I assured her that she’d done nothing wrong since it was clear she’d sincerely been enchanted by my children. The sad part is that we live in a society where discussions about race have been weaponized into something shameful. There’s nothing shameful in being proud about your cultural heritage.

Zoe Saldana identifies as Afro-Latina. In Guardians of the Galaxy she plays Gamora, where she’s painted green. In Avatar she plays Neytiri where she’s painted blue. At some point, doesn’t it feel like enough is enough? Why can’t we have more representation of Black actresses with their natural and beautiful skin color?

Another example that comes to mind is The Princess and the Frog. Much was made about the fact that Tiana was the first Black Disney princess. But then she spends the majority of the film’s run time transformed into a frog. Does it count as inclusion if you’re painted green?

My wife’s encounters with racism

In our conservative community here in rural northern Wisconsin, my wife has often told me of her various encounters with the local racists. She knows what it feels like to walk into a room and have a group of white people regard you the same way Elphaba is treated in Wicked.

I’ve seen the same combination of hurt and defiance reflected on my wife’s face as you see on the face of Cynthia Erivo in the film.

“Can’t you wash that tint away? Oh, don’t be so sensitive. We were only joking.”

My wife has told my daughters that the last thing you want to do is give your tormentors the satisfaction of seeing you cry. Sometimes that’s easier said than done.

The tormentors can watch me cry instead. But it lands a little differently when it’s a full grown man crying than it does when it’s a child. If the tormentors were smart, they’d know to shut up. If they were really smart, they’d understand that they should be running.

Abusive people become uncomfortable when they see a full grown man cry, and they should. That means I’m not in control of my emotions. I’m at the breaking point over the injustices I’ve already had to endure. Tormenting my wife and kids is too much.

Then there’s the singing…

Image by Walter Rhein — Drawing by his daughter

Cynthia Erivo also penetrated my heart with her stunning vocal talent. Something about the way she sings captures a mixture of defiance and agony beyond what human beings should be able to endure. Imagine a mother singing to celebrate the life of a child she has lost. That’s enough of an emotional tsunami to bring you to your knees. While watching the film, I was glad to be sitting down. She pulled the tears right out of me.

Glorious defiance! That’s what I needed to hear. I’ll say it again, those that think crying is a weakness are making a terrible mistake.

There are so many things that aren’t accepted in my community. Every day when my wife goes to work or my kids go to school, I’m fearful of what they might encounter. There’s a lack of acceptance not just regarding race, but also regarding compassion. There’s a lack of acceptance over basic human dignity.

Why oh why do we settle for so little?

The dance of defiance

There’s another scene in the film where Elphaba is being mocked by her classmates. She’s been spending weeks trying to survive within a cesspool of hostility, but in that moment she’s at risk of losing herself to the depths of despair.

She’s surrounded by people who make her feel inferior. She’s surrounded by people who go out of their way to hurt her. The worst of all are those that present themselves as friends only to get close enough so they can stab you even deeper than all the others.

There’s a moment when Elphaba begins silently dancing in order to block out the pain of their collective derision. My wife, too, is a dancer. I held her hand during that scene because I knew she identified with it on a level of vulnerability she didn’t necessarily care to acknowledge.

She’s been through moments like that. There was no need to discuss it. I just wanted to support her and get her through.

But I deeply regret that somebody I love has the burden of such experiences.

I’m not ashamed to cry, how about you?

What Wicked emphasizes is the need for all of us to collectively work together towards tolerance. We need to create a community that rejects the idea of exploiting our differences for cheap laughs. Instead we must learn to celebrate our shared humanity.

This shouldn’t be seen as a radical proposition. It should be seen as common sense. We must labor together for the benefit of all.

In the end, Elphaba is defiant. She’s going to resist. But for the moment, it seems evil has won. The malicious charlatan with no skills, represented by the wizard, has declared her an enemy. All the entities of power within the nation are going to be aligned against her.

But unlike the liars who have inherited their stolen power, Elphaba has real talent and real magic. More of us need to find the courage to stand for decency even if decency seems to be a losing cause. I think we have to hold on to the hope that our goodness will resonate in time and make a positive impact on the universe.

Perhaps simply believing in that is enough. Crying means you’re in touch with your emotions. It doesn’t mean they’ve defeated you. Your emotions are your strength, and we should take heart in the fact that this is a power our opponents do not posses.

They mock us because they’re afraid.

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