Why We Need to Take a Deeper Dive Into What's Happening in America Today
The people in this country have been so indoctrinated to accept abuse that they don't even know what decency looks like
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I couldn't recognize abuse until I was 30 years old. Through my teenage years, I didn't have time for reflection. I was too focused on survival.
My 20s went by in something of a blur. I had a vague sense that life could be different, but I didn't know how it would look. I'd only known abusive relationships. Most people know the cycle. You meet somebody, you are overcome with hope for the future, then your dreams are dashed upon the rocks of cruel reality.
This happens again and again, yet we're compelled to keep looking. Some say this is foolish, but I disagree. I think we all have an inner voice that gives us a hint of how wonderful life can be.
So we keep looking.
But the whispered lies urging us to stop become louder and louder until they’re almost as disorienting as smoke.
The tragedy of human existence is how few people manage to follow the guidance of their inner light and arrive at the promised land.
We should spend more time dismantling the web of deceit that obscures the way.
We’re pressured to be dismissive of abusive situations. We're trained to revere powerful men and enduring institutions. This training is so thorough, that it makes us doubt ourselves rather than recognize the depths of our pain.
I got lucky. I stumbled into a loving relationship in my thirties. I didn't fully understand what I'd found, but my inner voice said, “Soak this in. This is what you've been looking for.”
It was the only thing I hadn’t tried. It was the only voice I hadn’t heeded. It was the only voice that didn’t expect me to earn its approval.
The approval it offered was freely given.
In the early days, both my wife and I were wise enough not to ask too many questions. We simply practiced gratitude for having found something that brought us comfort.
The nagging voice said, “This is temporary, this won’t last.”
“Nothing does,” I replied. “I’ll appreciate what I have.”
The next time the voices spoke, I didn’t answer.
Looking back, I see how even the impulse to ask questions can be leveraged as part of the mechanism of deceit. We're trained to reject evidence of that which we most desperately seek.
“But what can this person offer you?”
“Can’t you see this is too good to be true?”
“Are you sure you're not overlooking obvious red flags?”
We're brought up to be suspicious of decency while we make endless apologies for the people who offer only pain.
“People who criticize you aren’t sugar coating their lies.”
“Oh, he means well, he's just rough around the edges.”
“The version of him that hurts you isn’t who he really is.”
My wife treated me with a form of kindness that I didn't think was possible. We allowed each other space to permit our trust to grow naturally. We never tried to force it with guilt or resentment. When proof was required, proof was offered without complaint.
It's stunning to look back on my life and recognize it took me 30 years to get there. At 29, I remained reluctant to give the name of abuse to the things I'd endured as a child.
Throughout my adolescence, I felt resentment. I felt anger. I felt frustration. But calling it “abuse” didn't seem appropriate. There were guardrails in my mind. I couldn't use that term. I couldn’t allow myself to see.
Truth was off limits to me.
All my life, I'd been lectured about the existence of the less fortunate. I needed to be “grateful.” Abuse was something that happened to other people. The conditioning of denial might have been the most nefarious mechanism of them all.
Ultimately, instead of confronting this problem, I went around. I heard the whispers conspire to sow the seeds of doubt. I'd heard them all my life. I'd listened to them for 30 years. I'd tried to answer them in every possible way. They could be so loud I had to clutch my temples in pain.
It wasn't until I turned 30 that I tried something new.
I ignored them.
Only then did the voices begin to go away.
The cacophony ebbed.
I listened to my inner voice instead.
I didn't allow my fear of future pain to ruin the joy I felt on that day.
That's how you navigate the confusion of the world. That's how you navigate the agents of deceit. Watch out for the false friends who come to you with warnings, but who really seek only to destroy.
They want to steal your joy from you. They resent you. They're jealous. They hide it by tricking you into thinking you have to earn their approval.
They have nothing.
In order for me to even recognize the abuse of the past, I had to spend some time walking an alternate path. You can't truly recognize abuse until you've experienced something else.
The residents of Hell can be tricked into thinking they’re in heaven.
What my fellow Americans don't realize is that we're living in Hell. They’re told our society is great. They’re told no society has it better.
In truth, the way to heaven has been blocked. It's been blocked deliberately. This is a nation of abuse, and we won't recognize how bad it truly is until things start to improve.
If you're looking for a reason as to why people vote against their best interests, that's it. They are tortured souls who don't know how to listen to their inner voice. They're like wild creatures caught in a forest fire who, fearing the smoke, run directly into the flames.
Once you've lived a life of love, and respect, and basic human decency, you can never go back. Once the blinders have been ripped away, you can never unsee the truth.
I think that's why the forces of oppression scheme so tirelessly to keep us blind. They know that if so much as a sliver of light gets in, centuries of corrupt industry will be undone.
Knowing that, we must also recognize that it's our job to tear the blinders away. But even if we fail at that, we can take strength in knowing that people possess an inner light that can provide guidance even in total darkness.
It took me 30 years to recognize what abuse looks like. I couldn't do it on my own. My wife showed me the path and we walked it together. We've taught the way of decency to our children. We keep passing it on.
We must join together and work to silence the deceitful whispers in the shadows.
Open the blinds.
Let the light in.
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I can relate to every word of your post, personally and on the larger scale. We live in such an abusive culture. On the national level it manifests as greed to keep the haves and have-nots in their place. I didn’t recognize the scale of abuse in my life until I was nearly 60. I tried to live my life according to my personal values and have often succeeded but the abusive and neglectful undertones of my family of origin were persistent. Now I can’t unsee. I just hope I live long enough to live out some of my dreams before I’m too old. Thanks for your insightful writing!
This is a beautiful piece of honesty and encouragement. I’m so happy you discovered and decided long ago to choose, protect and revel in your joy each day. Thank you for sharing it and inspiring us to listen to our inner voice and do the same.