Why You Deserve a Thanksgiving Free from Hate, Racism, and Misogyny

If somebody says or does something you don't like, don't hesitate to get up and leave

I was once told it was “too political” to wear blue jeans and a blue shirt at a family dinner. The person who scolded me was wearing a “don’t tread on me” shirt.

“You’re the one being political,” I snapped.

He snorted and said. “That just shows your ignorance. This symbol dates back to the Revolutionary war. You should read a little history and stop hating America!”

At this point in my life, I’m exhausted with half-truths. Yes, it’s true that the Gadsden flag originated during the Revolutionary war. It was then flown by secessionists during the the Civil War, became a favorite of the KKK, and was adopted by the Tea Party movement.

Today, it’s a symbol of blatant racism. Full stop. If people don’t know that, you have to tell them.

The problem with discourse in modern America is that if it takes more than three words to make your point, the mob turns on you.

I realize that it’s beneath my dignity to argue with people who try to defend flying the Gadsden flag, or the Confederate flag, or any of the other dozen racist symbols that have become normalized in our country, but we can’t let these transgressions go uncontested.

Perhaps the worst element of American racism is how guilty parties always manage to blame the innocent for their crimes. They do this instinctively. Decent people are so browbeaten that we shrink away rather than resist. Unfortunately, this tactic has brought our country to the brink of collapse.

Racism destroys families

If you drive through my neighborhood, you know where all the racists are. They basically put up yard signs proclaiming, “I’m a giant, ignorant, racist!”

Every now and then you see a rainbow yard sign that says, “All are welcome,” but those houses are quickly vandalized.

The people with signs like that who have their homes vandalized call the police. The police say, “There’s nothing we can do.”

I get the same thing when I try to report death threats I receive on social media. “Well sir, the person used a fake account.”

Then, on top of all of this, I’m expected to go sit at some family dinner with a bunch of jerks who dress themselves up in the Confederate flag?

“Well, we’re not talking about politics,” they laugh. In their tiny little minds, they actually think this all represents a huge joke. They think it’s funny like they’re getting away with something. But if you dared to wear a “vote blue” pin, they’d take you out behind the woodshed and beat you unconscious.

Don’t be blind to institutionalized racism

These reactions are yet another facet of America’s peculiar form of institutionalized racism. For most people, it’s easier to insist the problem doesn’t exist. Again, any issue that takes more than three words to explain isn’t going to be of interest to most Americans.

The whole picture becomes a lot easier to see when you gain some distance. I started recognizing cultural flaws in the United States after living abroad for 10 years. I’ve seen other unfortunate aspects of American social conditioning through reading the hostile and ignorant comments I get when an article goes viral.

The disturbing part is recognizing how many inept and ignorant people are capable of deploying a wide variety of deceitful yet highly effective strategies.

Dishonest behavior is, unfortunately, very effective.

Part of the problem is that the Overton window of the United States is so firmly on the side of racism, that you’re considered a fringe thinker just for supporting the idea of basic human decency. Trying to change that perspective is as difficult as playing soccer uphill. But that’s the hand we were dealt so we have to play it.

The constant casual swipes

A few years back my cousin told me a story about how one of his students had adopted using the word “Democrat” as a synonym for “stupid.”

He told me this story and then gave me a big grin like I was supposed to laugh.

“It kind of sounds to me like you’re bringing up politics in your classroom, and that you should be fired for that.”

“I didn’t say anything, he said it.”

“But you laughed, right? You allowed it. You didn’t explain to him why it’s important to be respectful even if you don’t agree with them. You failed to fulfill your basic obligations as a teacher.”

“Are you threatening my job? What kind of a monster are you? Are you trying to take away my ability to support my daughter!”

These are the way these conversations always go. Instead of recognizing that he was wrong for not correcting his student’s behavior, he turned it into an attack on me.

But the result is that he was allowed to get away with inappropriate behavior. It’s a dishonest strategy and people with radical beliefs deploy it all the time:

• Do something awful and aggressive

• Act like it’s a joke

• Viciously attack anyone who is critical of the action

People show up with hate for the holidays

This holiday season, thousands of people will have to look across the dinner table at people wearing “let’s go Brandon” shirts and a disrespectful smirks. It’s notable that there is no equivalent phrase for those who support left wing viewpoints.

Those on the political left don’t tend to use coded language to take cheap swipes at their opponents.

If a person shows up to a holiday dinner with a shirt that says, “All are welcome,” then that person is not being inappropriate. That is the fundamental message of the holiday season. You’re supposed to support the message of joy, tolerance, and love.

Radical right wing activists will see those messages and be affronted as if they’re political viewpoint is being disrespected. That’s nonsense.

Even if people don’t wear their slogans on their sleeves, they’ll still be plastered all over their vehicles. There will be rude bumper stickers featuring insults, guns, and threats.

If you show up at a holiday family dinner with messages like that on your person or on your vehicle, you’re violating the rules of polite discourse and you deserve to get called out.

Insist they must remove their hate slogans

One of the problems in the United States is that decent people too often think the best course of action is to not say anything. You need to remember that not saying anything represents a tacit approval of awful behavior.

If you stay silent, you’re an enabler.

You can still be polite. Just say, “That slogan is political which makes it inappropriate for this family dinner. You either have to remove it, or I’ll leave.”

If they act all affronted or start insulting you, then leave. Don’t pick a fight. Don’t start to yell. Tell people they’re being racist, ask them to stop, and if they refuse then get out of there.

“He refuses to leave politics out of this family gathering,” (naturally, they’re going to try and say you were the one being political, which isn’t true).

You have more power than you think to influence the behavior of the people around you. Our whole society needs to shift the Overton window to the point where everybody recognizes it’s rude to bring racist symbols to family gatherings.

Put it in your family invitation, “Everybody is welcome to Thanksgiving dinner. Out of respect to family, please do not wear any political messaging, or display any political messaging on your vehicle.” That’s not unreasonable to ask.

Fixing our country starts with getting your own house in order.

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