Why You Should be Wary of People Who Don't Swear

Some thoughts after being asked for advice by a young person

A few days ago I met a college student who wanted an interview for the campus paper. I’d recently given a presentation at the local library on my latest novel, and she planned to write a feature about my work.

We met at a small cafe near campus, and the moment I saw her I was reminded of my own infant daughters. Even though she was a twenty-year-old woman, I felt a strong impression of youth. I’ve been a parent for ten years now, and I hadn’t realized until that moment how much my experience as a father had changed my perception of people. There is an instinct for protection that takes root and is nurtured by your interactions with your children. You become more inclined to appreciate innocence and vulnerability which compels you to provide guidance and protection.

We chatted for about an hour and she asked a lot of good questions about my background as well as more philosophical topics. I thought I had developed a good sense of her, but at the end of the interview, she surprised me.

“So, do you have any life advice?”

Here was a question I was woefully unprepared to answer. I felt a compulsion to give her a useful response, but though I’d spent a lot of time thinking about the future of my own girls, I hadn’t yet engaged in reflection on what they’d need to know at the age of twenty.

The next morning, I woke up and wrote down the following list. I think it constitutes good advice and I plan on telling it to my daughters if they ever look at me like that college student did. I’m sure I’ll add to it with time and experience.

Be wary of people who don’t swear

I myself swear too much, indulge in inappropriate humor, and never make an overt effort to cultivate a respectable image. That being said, the disreputable individuals I’ve run afoul of have mostly been of the non-swearing, highly proper, button-down variety with impeccable reputations. Go figure.

Don’t burden yourself with pressure by bottling in your frustrations. Find a private place to yell if you are concerned about decorum, the universe can still hear. Venom is not your burden. Let it out and be loud!

Revisit your memories frequently

One of the odd things about life is how your emotional state can influence your perception of the world. An act of kindness can be taken as an insult while you are living within the throes of emotional distress. Your memories are the foundation of your life, and sometimes, upon reflection, you can piece together hidden truths that serve to brighten the light of every subsequent day.

Luck is more important than you think

Successful people like to downplay the role that chance played in their fortunes, but it’s there. Don’t give too much credit to those who have done well, nor reserve too much blame for those that have not. Cultivate a corner of your mind for the benefit of the doubt because someday it might be you getting judged.

Spend a year where nobody knows you

… just to see what it’s like to be unencumbered by expectation. Even those who care about you can keep you in patterns you want to leave behind.

Don’t aspire to a career, aspire to financial independence

You have a greater purpose in this short life than merely to work for others. Oppression is a consequence of desperation and it’s difficult to take advantage of a person of means. Perhaps that’s exactly why the way to financial independence is not taught.

Avoid debt

Interest is something paid by the poor and earned by the rich. Avoid debt whenever possible. The fewer people you have telling you what to do the better, and this goes double for banks.

Don’t waste money on needless things. Most of the time you can get 80% of the benefit at 20% of the cost. Look for bargains. Used cars run fine. Avoid monthly payments like the plague, calculate expenses in terms of what you pay in a year.

Good vs. evil

There are more good people in the world than evil ones, but the evil ones have the advantage in every other way. It’s prudent to evaluate a person before trusting them, but on the occasions where circumstances don’t give you the option, be encouraged that the odds are in your favor.

Some good experiences seem bad at first, and some bad experiences seem good. Don’t be too distraught by a setback, and don’t delay making a change when your heart tells you it is time. Listen to your heart, but don’t neglect your head.

Be careful when you seek approval

Approval is always a seller’s market and everybody pays too much. Direct your search inward, the only opinion that matters is your own. Be generous distributing approval, it’s free to give, and some folks are starving for it. They’ll be taken advantage of otherwise. Ditto for encouragement and kindness.

Lies are always shouted, truth is always whispered

The truth doesn’t need advertising. Fortunately, you are equipped to recognize truth once you train yourself to look for it. The heart helps, but can be fooled. Sleep one night on every big decision, longer if possible, less if it can’t be avoided.

Protect yourself

Because you can’t help others if you are not okay. Take the time to heal when you need to. Bad luck can overwhelm you, but things will get better, change is constant, hold on to that thought when nothing else gives comfort.

Friends, relatives, and strangers will all take advantage of you. Don’t let their behavior influence your perception of compassion. But don’t fail to learn the relevant lessons.

Forgive — especially yourself

It’s important to forgive transgressions, especially your own. Forgiving doesn’t mean you have to tolerate repetition. It’s okay to remove people from your life, even family. You have permission to insist on being treated on your own terms.

Be careful, but be open too

No honest person bristles when you ask for further evidence. Reflect on what you believe. Much of what’s in your mind was put there by others, and not all of it is for your benefit.

Be skeptical of advice — including mine

There is no certainty that following good advice will bring you positive results; you can see this demonstrated when playing cards. You can do everything right and still lose and do everything wrong and still win. It’s important not to let minor setbacks lure you into the bigger mistake of abandoning a good strategy.

I’m forty-five and I don’t feel any more confident about my ability to make decisions today, than I did when I was eighteen. I’m sure there will come a time when I look into the face of a forty-five year old man, and experience the same impression of youth, vulnerability, and innocence that I saw reflected in that young college girl.

On that day, I expect I will be compelled to sit down and write another list of important life advice. I look forward to reading it. Compassion goes a long way, and the pain of past mistakes is eased by nudging others, in whatever way you can, onto the pathway that leads to peace and prosperity.