Your Wife Needs That Valentine’s Day Bouquet More Than You Know

Why every husband needs to equip his wife with flowers

I used to think sending flowers was a waste of money.

First off, flowers are expensive. Money is always tight, particularly when you are starting out and I couldn’t see how it was reasonable to spend $50 or $100 on a product that would only wither and die.

What’s the point of flowers anyway? Sure they look nice, but how long do you really spend gazing at your flowers after they arrive? Perhaps four minutes a day? It’s not like you fix them with a stare and refuse to blink until they wilt.

The pleasant smell goes away even faster.

Essentially, you’re paying a premium price for a cut section of rapidly decomposing material that can likely be found for free right outside your window.

Speaking of which, how much can those flowers even cost? You can get a couple of seeds for pennies and then all it takes is water, sunlight, and time. Buying flowers is little more than a roundabout way to acquire an unjustifiably expensive vase.

It’s silly.

Expensive.

Ridiculous.

Most men will agree with virtually everything that I’ve said up until this point. However, they might be surprised to learn that many women will agree to all of it as well.

Your wife knows that the flowers will wilt. Your wife knows that they’re overpriced. Your wife knows that the smell goes away. But she stills want the flowers.

Why?

I wrestled with the problem for five years of marriage before I finally had an epiphany. I’ll share that epiphany in a moment, but first I’m happy to report that I haven’t failed to buy my wife flowers for almost a decade.

Men know that they’re supposed to send their wives flowers, but because they perceive that flowers have no value, they think they can wriggle out of the commitment. Sometimes they get cute and try to substitute baseball tickets or some other gift that has value to them. But that’s missing the whole point.

The only time most men are willing to buy flowers without questioning why they’re effective is when they’re trying to apologize for something.

However, if you only send your wife flowers when she’s angry, it’s never going to work.

The rules are simple. You have to send your wife flowers when things are going well. Valentine’s Day is a good flower-giving opportunity, but you can also pick a birthday or an anniversary.

You don’t have to overdo it, it’s stunning how few men fail to meet the bare minimum requirements of a healthy relationship.

Every year as Valentine’s Day approaches, my wife overflows with absolute confidence that a bouquet will arrive for her at work. The sense of satisfaction that gives her is matrimonial gold.

But that is not the epiphany, be patient, I’ll get to that in a moment.

To put the need for flowers into terms men can understand, ordering a bouquet for your wife is like changing the oil in your car. It is the least expensive and most effective way to ensure that everything continues to run smoothly.

If only men were smart enough not to question something that works. I wouldn’t have to go any further. But men always have to dissect and understand before they’re willing to acquiesce, so I have to painstakingly spell it out.

Here’s the epiphany.

The realization that changed how I perceived flowers was both profound and simple. The fundamental element is this: your wife doesn’t really care about the flowers either, she cares about having the people she works with know that you sent her flowers.

Still don’t get it?

Let’s walk through an example so you can perceive all the components in play.

There are many elements to a flower delivery. Every work situation is the same. A group of people spends the majority of their time in a building. This building has windows. Many of the people in the building dislike and compete with one another.

If you are a man you shouldn’t try to understand the way that women compete. You’re too dumb and the things they do are too vicious. Just accept that you’re unaware of the battles currently being waged all around you and try to keep your head down.

With a flower delivery, the first thing that happens is that a truck pulls into the parking lot. You can be sure that a good number of the women that work with your wife will notice the arrival. Everyone who sees the delivery truck thinks, “I wonder if that guy is bringing flowers for me?”

News of the truck’s arrival will spread through the building almost instantaneously. They will pretend to keep working, but the whole of everyone’s attention is dedicated to the question of who the flowers are for.

Next, the person making the delivery brings the bouquet into the front office. The receptionist reads the card. Now she knows who the flowers are for, but everybody else is still waiting to find out and the tension goes up a notch.

The receptionist stands to deliver the flowers. She picks them up and walks down the hallway, the strike of her heels echoes as she approaches. At this point, nobody is doing any work. The flowers have become a point of singular focus.

The most important element comes when the receptionist arrives at your wife’s desk and hands over the bouquet. If the receptionist is one of the people your wife dislikes, this moment is priceless to your wife. If the receptionist is a friend, there is a shared silent celebration that is equally priceless.

Now in possession of the bouquet, your wife can pretend that she was unaware that any flowers were being delivered.

“For me, oh my gosh, this is so unexpected!”

She picks up the bouquet and rushes to show it to her friends, pausing by the doors of the homerooms or offices of the people she doesn’t like.

This moment is similar to when a team wins the Super Bowl and they prance about the stadium with the trophy. It’s an opportunity for your wife to rub in the fact that she got some flowers and they didn’t.

The rest of the day, the people that she doesn’t like simply leave her alone. They’ve been crushed. Your wife has won. It’s like a working day off.

You see?

You aren’t wasting your money on flowers. You’re buying spite! Even men can understand that spite is totally worth $50 or $100!

Flowers aren’t a worthless purchase, you’re arming a person you love with a passive-aggressive weapon that she can use against the people at work she despises.

When I said that women aren’t that much different than men, I meant it.

Men might not be able to understand the value of flowers, but they can certainly understand the need to stick it to the intolerable people they’re stuck spending their days with.

Don’t make your wife go into battle empty-handed. Send her a bouquet! As the years go by, don’t think of the leftover vases as overpriced relics, think of them as the skulls of your wife’s enemies. Help her emerge from the conflict victorious and share a toast with her that evening.

Remember, you don’t have to be the best husband in the world, just be better than the husbands of the women your wife works with.