And bullies are insecure and paranoid people who need to immediately shut down any dissent about them and their actions.
They want you to trust them when they don't even know the meaning of trust.
They want YOU to be made responsible for their feelings about themselves.
I learned from an early age not to give any berth to any bully.... EVER!
They are untrustworthy and self-absorbed.
To get my bully brother to leave me alone I finally told him that he BORED me.
He hated that more than any of the times I tried to reason with him or get him to see what he was doing was harmful to everyone, including himself.
When I told him I was no longer mad, no longer sad, but was just bored with his behavior ...he has left me alone for a dozen years. That's all I really ever wanted!
Made me realize that bullies hate to be IGNORED! Ignoring a bully takes away their power. They'll find someone else that won't ignore them and they can continue to pick on. But I'll tell you what...it won't be me!
As a wreck from abusive people in my childhood and then to run away and try to love someone inappropriate- not healthy. Then to have children and use them as an excuse to stay with an abusive ignoramus. Repeat 3 times and boom. Therapy since 40 yrs old. 3 kids. 3 divorces. Functioning alcoholic is such a misnomer. But you got me. I myself have only figured out some of those things for myself. Years of therapy. Don’t touch alcohol. But I struggle. I am so worried about the kids who survive this cruel period we are in. How ironic it must be for the Indigenous.
I really like it when you write articles like this. These are my most favorite. I relate. It really helps me on more levels than you will ever know. I respect your writing abilities, I personally understand many of your rural stories, and I love your perspective on life. But most of all, I'm thankful that I have your articles to read and reflect upon. You do make a difference! Hugs, D~
Never underestimate the power of shame and what people will do to avoid feeling it. Not saying it is only men, but we simply have to change the way we raise men - shaming them around vulnerability when they are so young. We don’t give them a chance to grow emotionally or relationally. Amazingly, some men, like yourself, grow beyond that. Furthermore Patriarchal culture ties privilege to the denial of vulnerability and rewards bullying in men. This is why I feel that when one of the men I work with comes through my door and gets vulnerable enough to cry and examine his trauma, it is a good day, because the healing and growth can take place. Of course these men have already paid a huge price for their crimes (so many of them were abusers) and they don’t wish to go back to that. Accountability is also necessary.
Walter so sorry you had to live there such violence.Everything you say is true. My first husband was a bully and I had a cousin that was the same. You learn to avoid conflict when in such a situation until you figure out that is the wrong tactic to take. Thank you for spelling it out so clearly for folks. I love the way you keep sharing things that probably help people to walk away form this environment and to see that drumpf is the worst of the worst of thieves type of behavior
I know this life, sir.
63, and in South Africa my whole life.
Our parents gave me hidings just for looking less than enthusiastic about whatever unrealistic orders they had given.
Gee, sorry your nose got broken.
My bottom and legs same.
Sting of this shame remains forever, sir💙😢💜
Brilliant synopsis of the mechanisms of abuse. Everything you say is unfortunately 100 percent true. Great work, thank you.
Well written with stated truths
Abusers ARE BULLIES!
And bullies are insecure and paranoid people who need to immediately shut down any dissent about them and their actions.
They want you to trust them when they don't even know the meaning of trust.
They want YOU to be made responsible for their feelings about themselves.
I learned from an early age not to give any berth to any bully.... EVER!
They are untrustworthy and self-absorbed.
To get my bully brother to leave me alone I finally told him that he BORED me.
He hated that more than any of the times I tried to reason with him or get him to see what he was doing was harmful to everyone, including himself.
When I told him I was no longer mad, no longer sad, but was just bored with his behavior ...he has left me alone for a dozen years. That's all I really ever wanted!
Made me realize that bullies hate to be IGNORED! Ignoring a bully takes away their power. They'll find someone else that won't ignore them and they can continue to pick on. But I'll tell you what...it won't be me!
NEVER EVER BACK DOWN TO A BULLY or they will continue to chase you forever!
And NEVER EVER TRUST A BULLY because they are so insecure and paranoid that sooner than later EVERYONE becomes one of their targets!
I agree with everything you say. You can not give up yourself to make bully feel good. It only encourages them
Thank you for this truthful post. You are absolutely on point.
This is so insightful and so powerful. As someone who is also a survivor of childhood abuse, it really spoke to me. Thank you for writing it.
As a wreck from abusive people in my childhood and then to run away and try to love someone inappropriate- not healthy. Then to have children and use them as an excuse to stay with an abusive ignoramus. Repeat 3 times and boom. Therapy since 40 yrs old. 3 kids. 3 divorces. Functioning alcoholic is such a misnomer. But you got me. I myself have only figured out some of those things for myself. Years of therapy. Don’t touch alcohol. But I struggle. I am so worried about the kids who survive this cruel period we are in. How ironic it must be for the Indigenous.
You just described my marriage and the acts of all the people, especially me, who used mental gymnastics to keep it together.
Thank you for your explanation of abuse. You covered it wisely and correctly, as attested to by your commenters here. Good job!
Thank you for writing about this hard-earned wisdom.
I really like it when you write articles like this. These are my most favorite. I relate. It really helps me on more levels than you will ever know. I respect your writing abilities, I personally understand many of your rural stories, and I love your perspective on life. But most of all, I'm thankful that I have your articles to read and reflect upon. You do make a difference! Hugs, D~
Thank you so much!
Never underestimate the power of shame and what people will do to avoid feeling it. Not saying it is only men, but we simply have to change the way we raise men - shaming them around vulnerability when they are so young. We don’t give them a chance to grow emotionally or relationally. Amazingly, some men, like yourself, grow beyond that. Furthermore Patriarchal culture ties privilege to the denial of vulnerability and rewards bullying in men. This is why I feel that when one of the men I work with comes through my door and gets vulnerable enough to cry and examine his trauma, it is a good day, because the healing and growth can take place. Of course these men have already paid a huge price for their crimes (so many of them were abusers) and they don’t wish to go back to that. Accountability is also necessary.
Walter so sorry you had to live there such violence.Everything you say is true. My first husband was a bully and I had a cousin that was the same. You learn to avoid conflict when in such a situation until you figure out that is the wrong tactic to take. Thank you for spelling it out so clearly for folks. I love the way you keep sharing things that probably help people to walk away form this environment and to see that drumpf is the worst of the worst of thieves type of behavior