I don't feel as ashamed as I used in admitting that I was one of those toxic dads when my oldest son played middle school and high school soccer about 20 years ago. The need to win at all costs was a real problem for me. In therapy, I realized that I had been projecting my insecurities onto my son. It was likely that I harmed him, his teammates, opponents, and spectators in other ways during those years with my fears and anger. I had to stop going to his games rather than risk getting out of hand. Your level headedness towards your daughter's basketball experience reminded me that it's never too late to consider someone else's point of view. Thanks.
I really admire that you recognize that was an issue and you took accountability for it. That's truly fantastic and admirable. I know that at times I need to calm myself down too, but but by bit I'm learning it's more effective to be positive. Thank you for your courage in sharing that story Jerry!
Thanks Walter for this post! I am amazed that no one else has the courage to discuss their experience! The ads during the campaign were designed to promote the extreme hatred of transgender people and played on that phobia! The unhinged white male is much worse!
Thank you, Walter! This is so important. My college-age grandchild is non-binary/trans and not trying to be anything other than a person! A good student - intelligent and interested in the world around them. They don’t want to be viewed as “different,” just as a decent human being. I find it puzzling that some really terrible human beings want to deny them that. I so agree with you about who is toxic and scary in our society.
I grew up in the "big city" in Montana. As a newly-minted adult entering college in my city, I encountered my first transgender person early in her transitioning. I remember being confused about her story, but the point that didn't confuse me was about hearing that she was foregoing who she was supposed to be for who she was. That has stayed with me all these decades since. She had infinite patience with my questions of ignorance and naiveté. I can't imagine how insensitive they would be considered in this time, but I was so curious! I am grateful for meeting her and helping me understand how we are first formed by what others tell us we are and should be before some of us venture off to discover who we are and want to be.
Beautifully said. I also have two daughters, and I personally know several transgender adults and children. This fixation on denying human rights to a group of people infuriates me. The current regime controlling the United States is hell bent on erasing transgender people from existence or at the very least making it extremely hard for them to exist. Without exception, everyone I know who felt uncomfortable enough in their birth gender that they were compelled to go through the very complicated, soul searching, and physically grueling process of becoming their true selves, are gentle, loving souls who contribute a lot more to creative, compassionate spaces in this world than the bible thumping toxic white hate groups will ever do.
Thanks for sharing a real-life experience. I am glad the team is so welcoming and inclusive. And can I just add, the reason I wanted my kids to participate in sports was to instill a positive habit of physical activity, not as a golden ticket to professional sports as a career. If that happened, fine, but the main goal was to stay active throughout their lifetime. They are in their thirties now, and so far, it worked!
Walter - brilliantly written and totally on target - thanks. I am a father of 2 daughters with only one WFL (wife for life) - and am launching my 11th and for sure last startup about helping all 4 Billion women in the world, in every country - who have been treated unfairly since Adam & Eve - begin to move in a wide variety of directions - depending on where they life on the planet - towards being equal. The name is CHAORDIC GENDER MOONSHOT LLC - no website nor anything written about it yet - but I have about 10 joint ventures all over the world with life long friends who are passionate about helping make this happen. Glad to have a chat with you
Thanks for sharing your experience. I wish more would. This topic is blown way out of proportion in importance and is one that could be resolved on a local level with sane and measured protocols. Mainly, little trans girls are no threat at all. It must be difficult for them to endure the hate that comes their way. Thanks again for this post, I’m subscribing.
When my then-teenaged eldest was a referee for youth basketball and soccer, hands down the worst experiences they had were not with the players, but with the fathers & male coaches who’d aggressively try to intimidate my slight-built 5’4” NB (now trans masc) kiddo - who didn’t back down.
They loved ref-ing and the game; they hated the toxic assholes who couldn’t separate their fragile egos from their kids, who were hell bent on winning at all costs - ruining it for everyone.
I don't feel as ashamed as I used in admitting that I was one of those toxic dads when my oldest son played middle school and high school soccer about 20 years ago. The need to win at all costs was a real problem for me. In therapy, I realized that I had been projecting my insecurities onto my son. It was likely that I harmed him, his teammates, opponents, and spectators in other ways during those years with my fears and anger. I had to stop going to his games rather than risk getting out of hand. Your level headedness towards your daughter's basketball experience reminded me that it's never too late to consider someone else's point of view. Thanks.
I really admire that you recognize that was an issue and you took accountability for it. That's truly fantastic and admirable. I know that at times I need to calm myself down too, but but by bit I'm learning it's more effective to be positive. Thank you for your courage in sharing that story Jerry!
😊
Oh wow, would I love to buy you a pot of coffee and delve into this because not everyone opts for self awareness.
Thanks. My son showed courage telling me that my behavior at games was getting out of hand. His sincerity convinced me that I had to change.
Kudos to your son.
Thanks Walter for this post! I am amazed that no one else has the courage to discuss their experience! The ads during the campaign were designed to promote the extreme hatred of transgender people and played on that phobia! The unhinged white male is much worse!
Absolutely true. Thanks Huley!
Thank you, Walter! This is so important. My college-age grandchild is non-binary/trans and not trying to be anything other than a person! A good student - intelligent and interested in the world around them. They don’t want to be viewed as “different,” just as a decent human being. I find it puzzling that some really terrible human beings want to deny them that. I so agree with you about who is toxic and scary in our society.
They also want to deny any conversations about it, that, for me, is the hardest part.
They have to suppress real conversations about these issues because they keep losing in those
I grew up in the "big city" in Montana. As a newly-minted adult entering college in my city, I encountered my first transgender person early in her transitioning. I remember being confused about her story, but the point that didn't confuse me was about hearing that she was foregoing who she was supposed to be for who she was. That has stayed with me all these decades since. She had infinite patience with my questions of ignorance and naiveté. I can't imagine how insensitive they would be considered in this time, but I was so curious! I am grateful for meeting her and helping me understand how we are first formed by what others tell us we are and should be before some of us venture off to discover who we are and want to be.
That's a powerful story. That person saw in you a potential ally and did the work to bring you the rest of the way. That's an example to follow!
Beautifully said. I also have two daughters, and I personally know several transgender adults and children. This fixation on denying human rights to a group of people infuriates me. The current regime controlling the United States is hell bent on erasing transgender people from existence or at the very least making it extremely hard for them to exist. Without exception, everyone I know who felt uncomfortable enough in their birth gender that they were compelled to go through the very complicated, soul searching, and physically grueling process of becoming their true selves, are gentle, loving souls who contribute a lot more to creative, compassionate spaces in this world than the bible thumping toxic white hate groups will ever do.
Yes that's a personal choice and we all have the right to choose to be happy. I wish that was the message our society embraced instead of hatred.
A refreshing take! I agree that the danger lies mainly in toxic fathers or parents. Shared on Facebook. ♥️
Thank you Rebecca!
Thanks for sharing a real-life experience. I am glad the team is so welcoming and inclusive. And can I just add, the reason I wanted my kids to participate in sports was to instill a positive habit of physical activity, not as a golden ticket to professional sports as a career. If that happened, fine, but the main goal was to stay active throughout their lifetime. They are in their thirties now, and so far, it worked!
That's a much healthier objective!
Walter - brilliantly written and totally on target - thanks. I am a father of 2 daughters with only one WFL (wife for life) - and am launching my 11th and for sure last startup about helping all 4 Billion women in the world, in every country - who have been treated unfairly since Adam & Eve - begin to move in a wide variety of directions - depending on where they life on the planet - towards being equal. The name is CHAORDIC GENDER MOONSHOT LLC - no website nor anything written about it yet - but I have about 10 joint ventures all over the world with life long friends who are passionate about helping make this happen. Glad to have a chat with you
Excellent! If you want to share some stories for Medium for greater visibility, please let me know.
Great article! Kids deserve to be safe and have happy childhoods.
Absolutely!
Thanks for sharing your experience. I wish more would. This topic is blown way out of proportion in importance and is one that could be resolved on a local level with sane and measured protocols. Mainly, little trans girls are no threat at all. It must be difficult for them to endure the hate that comes their way. Thanks again for this post, I’m subscribing.
Thanks Max, i appreciate that.
When my then-teenaged eldest was a referee for youth basketball and soccer, hands down the worst experiences they had were not with the players, but with the fathers & male coaches who’d aggressively try to intimidate my slight-built 5’4” NB (now trans masc) kiddo - who didn’t back down.
They loved ref-ing and the game; they hated the toxic assholes who couldn’t separate their fragile egos from their kids, who were hell bent on winning at all costs - ruining it for everyone.
A compassionate response to such cruelty. Thank you Walter.
I'm glad you wrote this. You have said things that need to be said. I'm scared of the bigotted fathers, too.
You, sir, are a good guy and a great dad. Ditto on all the other more eloquent comments too!
Amazing article! We can’t and mustn’t generalise and our teenagers need so much support!
Absolutely!
Excellent, as usual. Informative with the personal experiences described - to another old kid from rural Wisconsin trying to understand. Thanks. Fred.
Thanks Fred!