I used to work with a conservative woman who would say very negative things but “soften” them with a little laugh. I don’t know if she was conscious about doing it or if she thought making it seem like a joke made it ok, but over time the sound of her laugh automatically pissed me off.
I know exactly what you're talking about. It gets so the laugh just indicates the horrible thoughts they're having. Then they get all offended when you mention it.
Usually, gaining self-awareness and breaking free from the constraints of conformity is challenging. It takes time, maybe even generations…This process demands significant inner transformation, which people often instinctively resist.
When do we stop resisting? Won’t it be too late when people finally realize it?
The reluctance to change is deeply rooted in each individual's personal history, as well as intergenerational inherited patterns and traumas. However, discussions like this one can be a catalyst.
I truly hope more people are getting inspired and recognize the possibility of positive change and personal growth.
Things could get better; they really can if we choose to do our part.
Harry Chapin was concerned about this in the 1970s when he wrote and recorded "Flowers Are Red", which is as damning of an attack on bureaucratic education as can be imagined. A little boy goes to school and discovers that there is "only one" way to color flowers in, in spite of his preferences. By the end of the song he has become a complete conformist just to survive.
Chapin always put his money where his mouth was, as was the case here. Conformation is the desired result in any system of patriarchy. Whether or when any challenge or defiance to the system comes rarely, and most often by outsiders who can view things far more objectively than those present in the group.
Interesting.. I never made my kids color things one way. I let them choose their colors and just draw the way they wanted. I am also concerned about conformity in the system, though. I also worry that AI will accentuate this in time, instead of promoting creativity and new ideas.
Thank you for this. I was reminded of my grandfather, telling me how lucky I was to be born in this country and how lucky I was to be born white. Many more of us need to be working on ourselves. Pain is temporary Liberation is forever
I totally understand where you're coming from. I have cut ties with family members due to disrespect. Life is hard enough without such cruelty from family. It is an act of rebellion because other family members, as your story indicates, see it as an act of defiance. There is nothing more important that having the strength to draw that line in the sand and make others realize you value your self respect more than you do their opinion of you. That's true liberation.
It's a relief to hear from other people who have disengaged from their family of origin. I have felt burdened with immense guilt for distancing myself and it's tough to shoulder on my own. Voices like yours help so much. My parents and a few siblings are also MAGA, and it's interesting to think about the connection between toxicity and the larger political environment.
I used to work with a conservative woman who would say very negative things but “soften” them with a little laugh. I don’t know if she was conscious about doing it or if she thought making it seem like a joke made it ok, but over time the sound of her laugh automatically pissed me off.
I know exactly what you're talking about. It gets so the laugh just indicates the horrible thoughts they're having. Then they get all offended when you mention it.
Usually, gaining self-awareness and breaking free from the constraints of conformity is challenging. It takes time, maybe even generations…This process demands significant inner transformation, which people often instinctively resist.
When do we stop resisting? Won’t it be too late when people finally realize it?
The reluctance to change is deeply rooted in each individual's personal history, as well as intergenerational inherited patterns and traumas. However, discussions like this one can be a catalyst.
I truly hope more people are getting inspired and recognize the possibility of positive change and personal growth.
Things could get better; they really can if we choose to do our part.
Thank you for that hopeful comment!
One of the better reads ever 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🇺🇸
That's very kind of you to say Jackie!
Harry Chapin was concerned about this in the 1970s when he wrote and recorded "Flowers Are Red", which is as damning of an attack on bureaucratic education as can be imagined. A little boy goes to school and discovers that there is "only one" way to color flowers in, in spite of his preferences. By the end of the song he has become a complete conformist just to survive.
Chapin always put his money where his mouth was, as was the case here. Conformation is the desired result in any system of patriarchy. Whether or when any challenge or defiance to the system comes rarely, and most often by outsiders who can view things far more objectively than those present in the group.
Interesting.. I never made my kids color things one way. I let them choose their colors and just draw the way they wanted. I am also concerned about conformity in the system, though. I also worry that AI will accentuate this in time, instead of promoting creativity and new ideas.
Kids get yelled at if they don't color the sky blue. At night, the sky is dark. At dawn it's red. But authoritarians can't be questioned.
Yes, that's also the essence behind the current push against diversity.
Very interesting and thoughtful writing. Thank you.
Thanks Judith!
Thank you for this. I was reminded of my grandfather, telling me how lucky I was to be born in this country and how lucky I was to be born white. Many more of us need to be working on ourselves. Pain is temporary Liberation is forever
Liberation is also the way to prosperity. Authoritarianism and hate lead only to poverty.
Walter,
I totally understand where you're coming from. I have cut ties with family members due to disrespect. Life is hard enough without such cruelty from family. It is an act of rebellion because other family members, as your story indicates, see it as an act of defiance. There is nothing more important that having the strength to draw that line in the sand and make others realize you value your self respect more than you do their opinion of you. That's true liberation.
Well said.
Thanks William!
It's a relief to hear from other people who have disengaged from their family of origin. I have felt burdened with immense guilt for distancing myself and it's tough to shoulder on my own. Voices like yours help so much. My parents and a few siblings are also MAGA, and it's interesting to think about the connection between toxicity and the larger political environment.