Well, sure, its his story. He's also making broader claims about rural life, evidenced in his piece. Hell, beyond the title itself, the subtitle is: "Do you want to understand why rural folk vote for pedophiles and convicted felons? Here’s why"
Speaking generally about "rural folks" and then pointing out that its personal to you is a bit of a dodge of (albeit harsh) critique.
This piece was emotive and intensely personal in a way that I feel degrades its universality. Still, saying "big shots feel like bigger shots in small towns" is the sort of true-but-banal observation that seems almost mean in this context. Yes, of course!
It cant be true that EVERYONE is a shit head in town to the farmers, woodsmen, etc. So whats the point in framing it that way, really?
And if youre going to frame it that way, accept the critique when someone counters YOUR anecdotes (that makes general claims) with their own.
BTW, all due respect to the author - doesn't seem like an easy piece to write.
You don't believe this guy's story because YOU are one of those people. I've met people like you who are highly judgmental and close-minded. I make an effort to avoid them.
They key words there is you grew up there. Let me tell you my story. I moved to a small town when I was 11 and spent six miserable years there. I was immediately ostracized and bullied for being an outsider. I was told I was things I was not (gay). My belongings were repeatedly destroyed. I had no right to privacy whatsoever. They felt completely entitled to inflict whatever pain they could and no one even tried to stop them.
I took me a decade to recover from that trauma.
And do you know what it reminds me of? MAGA. MAGA reflects precisely what I experienced. It’s no small wonder a lot of people voted for Trump because he hates who they hate.
Small towns are great — if you were born there. Much less so if you’re not.
The reality is most people have no idea how they live or come across. Most people are in oblivion. Trump jr doesn’t realize he’s sensitive, even though he wrote a book called triggered. His father has no idea he’s a bad father, and his child is not well-adjusted, writing books about he takes things personally. Most people subscribe to denial because the truth hurts too much.
Anything trying to dismantle or praise rural America misses the point. They’re just fellow bozos on the bus. Many of them believe in simple things: good/bad, god, I’m better than other people, im a good parent, I’m entitled to my actions. Very few people think about how their actions affect other people.
I’ve met many small town people. They’re just crazy as us city folk. Just as stubborn, ignorant,
delusional, angry, mean-spirited. We all suck, look at our president
yeah, but maybe he got elected by us too. Our moral outrage, our acting superior to our fellow bozos, our need for denial/procrastination, our wanting to not rock the boat. Who knows. I don't think it's fair to blame one demographic when it's a more serious psychological and sociological issue, that has destroyed society time-after-time. It is righteous indignation, which allows you to deny logic for emotional comfort. We all have part in Trump, and honestly most countries and families subscribe to some form of authoritarianism, where you don't question who is higher than you in hierarchy, even if they are logically wrong. Bottom line, we deserve Trump, all of us.
I love how neutrally coded but extremely condescending and passive aggressive this "question" is. It's truly diabolical. I hope you never have a daughter in law.
I have a question and I don't mean this is a rude way at all - when you ask leading questions meant to characterize someone as close-minded and myopic before they can even answer, do you expect to get genuine, honest answers? Is it upsetting to you that someone would take exception with the premise and phrasing of your question?
Definitely not how I intended it, but I appreciate you putting it into perspective. I’m also from a small town and have a different perspective from the author
Asking someone if they expect to only read things on the internet that they agree with isn't passive aggressive? It's not condescending to ask someone if it upsets them when people have different points of view? Please. It absolutely is.
The title of this post applies this person’s perspective to “rural folk” generally and calls their life a “lie.”
If it were presented as solely the author’s perspective, that would be one thing. But (having spent twenty years in a Midwest small town and not particularly enjoyed it), I do get the sense that either the Midwest is particularly humane (possible!) or the author grew up in/near an unusually crappy town.
I grew up on a dairy farm, 3 mi from the closest neighbor farm which belonged to my grandpa, and 15 mi from town. Which had a population of 1,200 souls and 6 churches. HS graduation class of 48 kids total. By 14 I could run all the equipment for a 1,000 acre farm, and milk 130 head, without any adult supervision. As well as drink beer and hunt, not in that order. At the time I hated back-breaking work, 7 days a week, regardless of -30 F or 95 F, starting every morning at 5 am. Were you sick? Cows need milking. Tired? Cows need milking. Break your arm? Cows need milking. But with all that, I have no idea what Walter Rhein was writing about. 40 years later, after years of living and working OCONUS and traveling to 99 different countries, I’m back living on a farm, dirt road and 1 mi driveway to boot. My neighbors with 4 legs outnumber to 2 legs by 100 to one. And I love it. I have no idea where Walter grew up but it’s unlike any rural part of the US I’ve been to.
It's interesting, because the first part of your comment describes exploitative child labor. That's abuse. Having young kids run equipment and work that hard is abuse. But yes, I realize it takes people a long time to realize that fact.
You call it abuse. I call it survival. And it is critical to a young boy growing into a real man. We had a rule at the dinner table, you don’t work, you don’t eat. And I ate A LOT. Sound harsh? So is fucking life. If I didn’t cut the hay on that 100 acres my dad told me to, and we missed getting it bailed before it got ruined by rain, our cows didn’t have enough feed through the long winter, and we didn’t produce enough milk to pay off the massive loans we needed every year to put new crops in the ground and run the farm. So when I literally got my ass kicked with size 11 steel toe boots for goofing off and not cutting that hay, I didn’t consider it abuse, it was a life lesson. As my dad was kicking my ass he was also explaining the facts of life. Did I hate him for it? I was a little upset that I couldn’t sit for a week but I did graphically see how my labor and efforts were actually critical to our existence as a family and a successful farm. I got it. And matured more in one ass kicking at age 14 than most young men I see these days even into their 30’s, and all the Dem boys regardless of age. Harsh? Yeah. Brutal? Maybe. But it was a few lessons like this that stayed with me all my life. Im sure if I had been put on Time Out instead I would have turned out a weak, pathetic loser of no use to anyone including myself. And probably be voting Democrat to boot. BTW, I fathered 3 wonderful young women. Each capable of field dressing game they shot by age 12. They never got their butts kicked but discipline did extend beyond time out on occasion depending on offense and child. And it all worked in the end. Each of my girls complained bitterly at the time, but each has told the wife and I, as they went out into the world, that we were right all along and they wouldn’t trade for any other life. Except to be born a Cargill. After all, have you ever heard of an unhappy Billionaire? Really?
Justifying abuse doesn’t mean it’s not abuse. We have child labor laws for a reason and rural areas routinely break them. All we have to do is tax the billionaires and people can live rather than survive, but rural areas don’t vote for that.
You see it. The key to the abuse is the bank loan that keeps them all kicking down, even their own kin. It is a rigged system that did not need to be that hard. Ever.
What happy person claims he has an “unlimited capacity for ketamine”? Ketamine, if you didn’t know already, is a dissociative anesthetic- something happy people truly have no need for.
You lost me when you started generalizing and bad mouthing people who vote differently than you do, apparently. I live in Chicago, and believe me sport, I know some tough Democrats. Life lessons, maybe. Wisdom, you're never getting there.
I actually lived in and own property in downtown Chicago. I worked in corporate R&D as a polymer chemist and my lab was located 77 hundred S and 20 hundred W, heart of the hood. I commuted from near north every day and took public transport to work every day. South of Roosevelt I was usually the only white person I would see until arriving at work. It was also the 70’s so crime was through the roof. In 2.5 yrs only 2 altercations. I guess most thought a solo 6’1” blond white guy had to be a cop of some type. And I found WAY more wisdom on the farm than I ever found in Chicago. But the ribs, blues, and Black clubs were WAY better than found on the farm :) Had a great girlfriend who happened to be black as well. The sisters were not happy with either of us.
Please forgive me for boring you during a minute of your otherwise scintillating life. However, I not writing for you. I was replying to Mr. Rhein, author of the original post, who also wrote of his life in rural Hell. I disagreed with his contentions. But, pardon me, it seemed moronic to speedily write YFOS and STFU without establishing some authenticity first. Hence my life story you found so boring. In point of fact, the life story was provided only to add veracity to my disagreement with Mr. Rhein raining on the value of rural upbringing. And let me guess , you’ve never scooped a shovel of cow shit in your life. Or as me dad referred to it, “the smell of money”.
We’ll have to agree to disagree. It was integral to me becoming a strong independent man myself. And my successful wife and successful daughters are glad that happened as well. Not abuse at all.
WTF? Mastery of a task and responsibility is child abuse? Children aren’t responsible for anything nowadays and something like 30% are on psychotropic medications.
I’m not seeing Dav’s description of his youth as abuse. Most young people living on a farm would feel abused if they were not given opportunities to help on the family farm. Farm families usually consist of children who feel a close bond to and responsibility for the care of the land and want to make their own contribution to that land. I am sorry Walter that your experience was so awful. I cannot imagine growing up in that atmosphere. The community in which you resided seems to have been a strange example of small town America. Mine was very much the opposite of your own.
It is abuse though. You have been brainwashed into thinking it’s okay for children to be forced into labor—it isn’t okay. It’s abuse. Kids get into accidents all the time on the farm. We have to change our society so everyone recognizes the dangers rather than turning a blind eye to it.
Rural farms can only exist because of socialism and child labor. We need to change the system.
I’m a smart enough girl to know I have not been brainwashed. Your experience seems to have made you rather unreceptive to opinions other than your own.
It’s not abuse to teach a child to do something useful, to teach them to do it safely and correctly, and to give them an important and fulfilling role in the family. And the reality of human existence for most of history is that child ‘labor’ was a necessary part of survival. Those who have never experienced its necessity need to check their privilege.
You call it abuse, and I agree, but the Boomer generation, whose parents had no problem with it, was never questioned. That's how it was, in rural towns, you started working when you could on the family farm. Ask anyone who is between 60 and 80 years old who grew up on a working farm. I like to respect everyone's truth, or experience in life because I think we can learn from them.
Couldn’t agree more about transing a child being almost the pinnacle of child abuse, or maybe metaphorically, the nadir. Regarding your earlier comment about violence and blacks, I also agree. You saw it in basic and other schools, where the black guys would wade into hand-to-hand and most of the non-black, but especially white, would hesitate or wimp out. Even the Asians weren’t as bad the whites, I think because most Asians in US military are going against their culture in the first place, so they are self selected for tougher than some white suburban boy who’s never taken a punch outside weekend Tae Kwon Do. In my later life, I listened to middle-age black professional men still priding themselves on being able to take a punch. I don’t think 1 in 500 white guys has voluntarily thrown or received a punch in anger. I believe physical altercations are important to boys becoming strong men. Not bullying or preying on the weak, but knowing how to fight and knowing it hurts, but that it’s nowhere near as painful as being a defenseless pansy. Peace and slavery are easy to get. Just give up.
yeah, I worked heavy equipment when I was young too. There's no excuse for that. Many farms have exemptions to child labor laws. There's cruelty in those places people can't imagine and that's why we have a criminal president
Reading the piece and the comments, I am wondering if there may be a regional aspect to some of this, possibly related to the cultures of the people who settled the area. Dav Eka’s dairy farm sounds like upper Midwest, possibly Minnesota. Lots of Scandinavians.
I used to work with some much older guys who grew up in rural Louisiana and Alabama. They still liked going there to hunt and fish. Now and then they would tell stories about the crooked sheriff, corruption etc. These were often funny stories, but the sense of corruption was implied.
Good guess on location. Wisconsin. Regional differences do exist. But we had cronyism too. The guy who owned the Ford dealership was the mayor. But when his son picked a fight with me in school, he got detention not me, even though I won on points. And we still bought Ford pickups.
My dad was the youngest of 3 boys who grew up on a dairy farm in Minnesota. His parents were not abusive, but he missed out on a lot of opportunities because he was a laborer for the farm. At 15 a professional baseball scout saw him play. This man offered to pay for someone to do my dad's chores if my grandfather let him play baseball in high school.
According to family and friends, I guess my dad was like Babe Ruth w a bat, but he also had a mean pitch.
My grandfather thought sports was a waste of time and the answer was, ‘Absolutely not, and don't bother me again.’
I think a piece of my dad died that day. I only heard the story from him one time and I could tell by the pain in his voice it bothered him. Fast forward and those same grandparents cut off my father and his brother because the eldest son spent all his time kissing their small-minded egos and talking trash about his siblings who didn't visit every day. So it was no surprise when my grandfather died everything was left to the eldest brother, and his son took over the farm. As my father's only child and daughter, I wasn't surprised. These were the same people who treated me as less of a person because I was a girl. Even more ironic is my grandmother ran that farm, was the first woman on the city council, and had polio. She was ahead of her time, except she wasn't. She doted on the eldest kids two boys, and taught them things I would have loved to learn, but I was my father's daughter, and we didn't do everything we were told, we had our style and tastes, which the eldest brother made fun of all the time.
My cousin got a 15 million dollar farm for free, and his brother, who was more like our family was picked on but still did hard labor every day despite the Dr. telling them he had severe asthma. Suck it up. Be a man, he compensated by almost drinking himself into a cell. My dad helped him with college and knew that doing so would result in him being the ‘ bad guy.’ My grandmother was an opioid addict which I didn't find out until after her death, and that gave me some answers to the craziness I thought was just sheer cruelty. My grandmother came from a family that had nothing, the farm was my great-grandfather's. My grandpa depended on her for everything because he was dyslexic and illiterate.
I look at the situation now and I don't have any feelings about it. It is what it is. My dad's other brother died in a motorcycle accident, and even though we lived in the same small rural town my grandparents were appalled that he took his family to Greece, Italy, Turkey, and Europe for vacations. I guess hid eldest brother who never worked a day in his life, spent most of his time with them badmouthing my mom, me, and my dad.
That cousin my dad helped go to college is now a multi-millionaire who is too good for anyone, but remarkably is now the apple of his father's eye. It was all about money, plain and simple. My father was one of the most amazing and wise individuals I've been blessed to know. He died at 68 of a rare cancer. I know what his family did hurt him, but I am grateful he chose to be the bigger person. You don't get to pick the people you are born to. It is what it is.
It's why none of us were a bit surprised that none of them came to visit, call, or do anything, we expected that. The day after my dad passed my uncle did stop by to ask if he could have my grandmother's guitar and their deceased brother's tool kit that my dad had restored because you know, everything wasn't enough. I never had children so in his mind the two things my father did get should go to his grandchildren.
Look, this is life but I can't and won't waste my time or energy on any of them.
They have done so many petty things it's almost comical, almost.
Some people are just born with no ability to see anything except what they were taught. They justify it as the only and best way, and if you are of a different opinion then you are the enemy, and stupid. I always smile a little when I think back to before I was able to call a spade a spade, or an ass a ass. I sensed it as soon as my brain was able to comprehend that I was treated differently by these family members. Even at 4, I knew. It baffles me how some adults think children are stupid. The sad thing is I swore to break that generational self-centered ego-based thought process because it is toxic. I did, I don't care who you are, where you come from, what you have or don't have. I will treat everyone with the benefit of the doubt. My father taught me that. It's one gift he gave me that has let me live a pretty amazing life. I don't care what you have or if you are a declared ‘ someone.’ It's that small-town mentality that has caused a lot of damage to a lot of people. Small towns in the Midwest love to play nice, act like Christians and justify their bigotry and lack of anything on anyone else but themselves. If you don't agree with their outlook on life, or with their beliefs, don't waste your time or energy trying to be civil.
IDK why but there is a rift between farmers and the city folk. At least there has been where I grew up. I don't visit that place because no one I know lives there except for one close friend who seems to always be dealing with some petty b.s. with the high school, or the gossip about her husband, etc.
I don't miss any of it. When everyone knows everyone's business, or assumes they do it leads to chaos. They live in an isolated reality show, where they are the star.
Please don't think this is the standard for every small town because it is not, but it is an unusual mindset that hasn't changed a lot in 30 years. Some of the kindest and most empathic people live in small rural farm towns, and some live in the largest cities.
But there is something unique about a community of 4000 people who don't have anything to do except work, watch tell a vision and never mind their own business;)
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry it has so much pain. We never had the inheritance problem since my dad sold to his brother when I was in grad school. Sorry also you got a girl treatment. Girls in my family (42 first cousins, 9 farms, counting mom and dad’s respective families) didn’t automatically get sent to the fields but could if they wanted to. And when we were harvesting they didn’t even have to ask, it was all hands on deck. So I shared milking with my younger sisters as required when they got old enough. And we cousins, boys and girls, all had 4H cows, hogs, or sheep every year. Kissed more than one cousin staying with stock overnight at the fair barns. And if any of us had been a sports phenom, everyone would have cheered and kicked in to send him onward. We did have lots of inter family farm sharing since our family farms were all within a single counties on each respective side. I was a boss welder from the time I learned at about 9yrs. My dad sold my services a bunch to other family operations. I started charging for myself once I hit 15 and got a Lincoln Ranger I mounted in my pickup to provide field welding for county farms. The point I’m making is my family all seemed positively related in that everyone helped others as required. Nobody asked often, but if help was needed, people showed. I packed almost as much relative hay as my dad’s. And nobody grumbled. Holiday dinners at the Grandparents were huge affairs with 50 or more people attending. Everybody got along except for the Canadian married by my one crazy Aunt. Downside was I didn’t have 2 parents, I had 18 counting Aunts and Uncles. Any one of which could provide whatever discipline deemed necessary. Funny how ‘Time out’ was never a thing. But I got more than one switch or belt. I had one Aunt that would make you go pick the switch she’d hit you with. I thought I was hilarious when I picked a dandelion. Last time I made that mistake. She picked a broom handle to illustrate the error of my ways. If It sounds abusive, I got hit harder in school than I ever got hit by an Aunt or Uncle. I got hit by teachers, Principals, and the asst Principal in HS. He had this paddle he drilled holes into to lessen air resistance as he whacked you. I got knocked out by my 9th grade history teacher. The young effeminate boys I see around today would have died before 10 in the environment I grew up in. The town kids didn’t get in fights with us country kids often. I think they weren’t used to getting hit as often as us hicks. So we’d wade right into a fight without a care. We knew the bruising went away in a week or so.
I think every rural town story reflects rural living. One thing I’ve noticed is the secrecy of some of the things that are allowed to happen. My family didn’t really do spanking, but i got a few. ( well deserved) I know when my father attended high school, teachers were allowed to smack the students around. Nowadays, that would not be an option. My family is small, but I think it's interesting that you grew up with a big family. ( something I have never experienced ) Thanks for reading my story, I honestly appreciate it.
But you turn your nose up at violence in the big cities because what? Your violence was better? I never got hit by any of my teachers. I once got a smack with a belt when I was probably 5 or 6 for riding my bike too far away without permission.
Yet I still grew up as a good moral person, had get togethers at my grandfather’s house with ALL the extended family, and would give you the coat off my back if needed.
And I’m a very liberal person who is not interested in changing your way of life (you do you) but don’t you dare turn your nose up at MY way of life. I have 3 children and a grandchild who are good, moral, compassionate atheists. I want to make everyone’s life better, including yours. Real men have compassion for others. Real men vote for Democrats who want your life to be better. You’re blinded by the conservative social dog whistles. Be better.
I appreciate your story and perspective, and empathize particularly with your recollection of childhood memories -- they are your own, and are valid.
Unless you have been oppressed, it can be difficult or impossible to conceive of; the feelings are real, the occurrence is real -- there are many places where it exists to a greater or lesser degree, big town or small -- if you are the one oppressed, you know.
Many small towns contain and, to this day, retain a kind and 'homey' community. Harder to come by perhaps in our frantic urban settings... I was lucky to have lived in both worlds all my life ('baby boomer' ;D), and found pockets of both worlds in every place. Seeing and being for others always felt like a great and gratifying way to cope -- a special opportunity!
The KKK never evolved or faded -- a cult that truly runs deep and sadly has been encouraged and invigorated by fRump and his "party" -- clearly who his voters are, imho.
I’ve been to towns like this, they suck. I’ve seen them in the west and the east and the northeast. I’ve seen them in atheist maine and I’ve seen them in mennonite virginia. I’ve been to a lot of towns though, and most are not like that. I’m not calling you a liar, because I’ve seen worse than you described—shitholes that would be better off wiped off the map, where I would never go back if I could help it, and certainly not unarmed, but your experience isnt exactly universal. I’m sorry where you grew up sucked so bad. Most places arent like that though. Yet. You might like the story “the man who planted trees”. It’s about a small mean place like that and one man that turned it around, admittedly before meth was a thing, but still, a good story nonetheless. It’s short and excellent.
How can you know if the experience isn't universal? We know that rural areas in the US elect criminals. I mean... you can't suggest that you have lived in every small town in the US. Maybe they're all like that? Maybe more of them are like that than you are willing to admit.
It is mind boggling Walter that you believe only rural towns elect criminals. The entire DC establishment is a criminal enterprise and has been for at least the last century.
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
I imagine it would have been the disappointment of her life that you feel this way and expressed it in the comments of a creative writing substack post. I am sure she would be crestfallen that you personally think her writing sucks. Perhaps, it is why the caged bird sings.
Excellent article. Interesting to get the male perspective on rurality. I grew up half rural/half city. I spent a lot of time in tiny towns in the upper Midwest. My dad, a dairy farmer, bought & sold Holsteins. I went with him to diners, farms, auctions, dispersal sales, funerals, feed stores. I did a lot of watching & listening as I was often the only child in the room on those trips. I noticed how some men clutched their guns & some constantly stroked their big ol’ belt buckles. There was always a clear delineation between the men and the women in the small towns - something I noticed less in my home city of ~100k (a highly educated, wealthy city - though we were poor, pretending to be middle class). The pure gender separation in the little towns made me extremely uncomfortable. Same feeling I got when I watched “The Stepford Wives” (1975) for the first time, you know, the scene where they reveal all the wives were replaced by robots.
PS - I found ~40 maga neanderthals to block just from reading the comments on this article. Thank you, Walter! My Substack world is now smaller, but higher quality than it was 10 minutes ago. Deplorables proving your thesis, indeed.
Thanks Patti! I appreciate your comment. There were 40 MAGAs in the comments? I must have either blocked them or muted them already :) A couple I tried to reason with. It feels like their comments are becoming more desperate. I think more explorations of the reality of America’s “heartland” is a sore point that might pay dividends if we keep mining it. Thanks again for your thoughtful words!
I spent most of my childhood plotting my escape from the Midwest. I got to a big city with college & then moved to Manhattan, my ideal. I was Mary Freaking Tyler Moore! The minute I arrived in NYC, I felt at home for the 1st time in my life. People there walked as fast as me, talked as fast as me - even chatted with me in the neighborhood stores. What I loved most about moving there was I finally felt comfortable. I didn’t grow up there, but so many people were from somewhere else, it mattered not. I was accepted immediately.
In NYC, I wasn’t considered loud. Female co-workers didn’t complain that they found me intimidating. I was normal. People heard I was from the Midwest & said, “she must be a hard worker.” It’s the easiest place to live & thrive. There’s little separation between demographics - one can flow between different groups, castes, neighborhoods with ease. People are far more accepting in big cities. And the food, art, architecture, parks, libraries, education & business opportunities are vastly superior to small towns.
The intermingling of humans of varying backgrounds & ethos builds tolerance, understanding, empathy, knowledge. A dearth of intermingling delivers voters who will fear an accomplished Black woman so much, they will vote for a nepo-baby rapist, racist, idiotic grifter with a multiplex of bankruptcies who literally wants his voters to die poor, hungry & still stupid. They will vote against their own interests. They will believe a con artist autocrat over a a self-made success who’s had to work 5x as hard as any man & is actually qualified for the job in education, experience, temperament & character. They will do it twice (2015, 2024). They will call the female opposition a slut, but not the tyrant a rapist.
Small towns that seem only to spend money on architecture when it comes to their churches. These giant, expensive buildings that sit empty much of the time & don’t pay a dime in property, sales, income or any other taxes (while relying on public resources & lobbying governments to curb the civil rights of non-believers). These buildings that often house predators, abusers of their flocks are intricately adorned - the time, labor & money required for the creation & upkeep is an illogical burden to often depressed, low income areas. Most white churches preach that republicans are the righteous - hunger for power, money & control over civil rights drive both business models (religion & politics).
Damn straight we need to talk about why diversity matters. We need to discuss why believing in fake shit sets some humans up to believe lying dictators. Cults beget cultish behavior in all facets of life. I wouldn’t care so much if they weren’t legislating their anti-scientific life choices on the rest of us. Atheists are the majority in the US. Lots of people say they believe & go to services, but they’re lying to please family, friends, coworkers.
PS - Before you trolls tell me I’m full of shit, I do consumer research for the Fortune 500. People tend to be honest with strangers in 1:1 interviews designed by experts for candor. And stop trying to tell people that they didn’t live their own experiences. Go back to Twitter.
Patti, I cannot love this enough! You said it all. Are you a writer here on Substack? And Walter, thank you for sharing your truth. It wasn’t my life but I would never tell you not to have your perspective or feelings.
Thanks, Suzanne. I’m a writer. Newish to Substack. I’m working on a series of kids books to keep from going insane, but haven’t posted essays here. Thinking about it. My day job is listening to consumers talk about their lives & what motivates them - I’m a shrink for brands.
Patti, how interesting, I’m an artist currently illustrating a friend’s book, “What If I Can’t Hear?” (A cat who goes to the audiologist). I get trying to find any creative outlet! Also have a mural business and I just self-published a book of essays. Haven’t shared it here yet. Just sticking my toe in the water. Lol! I proofread too so reach out if you ever want that. I rarely find typos in Walter’s work! ;)
Suzanne, Funny - my kids book series is about a kitty & a monkey who become best friends. Last night, I tried to draw a cat for a concept board & failed. It’s clear I need an illustrator, a graphic designer & a conceptual art director to help me produce this - luckily I’ve got a day job that affords me contact with amazing creatives. I envy your ability to draw professionally. Consider publishing your essays here - start small & see if this is the right space. Thanks for being kind. (Yes, I too appreciate that Walter expertly proofs his work.)
Walter, your editing help was great! I did, however, just want to dive in to the self published collection of essays and see where it goes. I am gifting myself a “book launch” here in Phoenix with 50 “of my closest friends.” Lol! I will likely share on here when I figure out how. Lol!
It’s called, “Finding My Own Gold Star,” and it’s on Amazon. Also offering on another site but still working out the kinks. It’s a collection of memoir essays about motherhood, divorce, democracy, disability. To be honest, it’s such an intimate look at things, I am not certain how much I want it publicized. Lol!
Love what you say about New York. I'm a Midwestern suburbanite, but maybe because my mother was a proud New Yorker and even prouder to have been born in Brooklyn I've had an affection for it. Childhood visits to her relatives in Brooklyn and elsewhere on Long Guyland might have played a part too. But yeah, every time I have visited in my adult life has been great. New Yorkers are a different breed in a good way. Pick up your walking and talking pace a little and you're golden.
I left the metropolis to move to a small mountain town of slightly over 2000 because of PTSD. I have been here almost 30 years. Ironically, in the present age, I find my PTSD on the rise because I no longer feel safe being myself or living my truth. This was a beautiful example of the undercurrents of small towns. Thank you
On the contrary, nobody needs to agree with me. I have lived and worked in this place longer than the town I was born in. My children were born and raised here. As a provider of a therapeutic discipline, I have deep connections with many as I have served hundreds of families. I have lived here longer than the town I was born in. However, I am not arrogant enough to consider either place as belonging to me or to “them”.
I will say it again, excellent writing, remembering and using the lessons today. Many of us will need to throw ourselves on the barricades. Human Lives Matter
People who are calling bullshit really can't comprehend the cruelty that exists in a small town. I've been the victim of it. Crazy that, as you said, I'm ready to die to protect myself now, and subsequently no one fucks with me anymore. My rage is my superpower.
Yup! People are saying it's not true even as they provide more evidence that it is. The small town problem is why a criminal is running the country. Thanks for the comment!
"Do you know who I am?" Ah, yes, that old arrogant phrase. One article I read on Quora suggests the proper response to that is "Hey, fellas, we got somebody who don't know who he is here."
I am a former farm girl. Went to country school the first three years of my education. Then those schools were closed, and we were bused to the big nearby town of 1,300 residents. Many who depend on the farmers for their existence. I had the same behaviour given to me: names called, mocking behavior, and in general disgusting human behavior. Didn't matter that I graduated in the top 1 percent of the class and was going on to college. That was small town life. It was nice to find the rest of the world; of course, I always had the library and still do! Thank you for your writing; it clicks with me!
So much truth to your story. The scary thing today is the big law firms bending the knee and the Kamala's spouse is a partner in one of them. He needs to leave on principle alone. Love your writing
No it wasn’t, your article was blatantly, shocking stereotypically disrespectful to rural people. And I don’t believe for a second it reflects a lived experience, especially not one reflecting the majority.
Utter bullshit. I'm 67, live in the midwest, grew up and worked in small towns most of my life. This is fiction. Nothing remotely close to reality.
He's telling his story. Maybe you should give him grace or stuff it.
Ya.... This is HIS story.... Not yours. Write your own story if you'd is different.
Geez.... How hard is that wo work out?
Hostile denial tells us a lot doesn't it? Thanks so much for your supportive comment!
Thank you!
Well, sure, its his story. He's also making broader claims about rural life, evidenced in his piece. Hell, beyond the title itself, the subtitle is: "Do you want to understand why rural folk vote for pedophiles and convicted felons? Here’s why"
Speaking generally about "rural folks" and then pointing out that its personal to you is a bit of a dodge of (albeit harsh) critique.
This piece was emotive and intensely personal in a way that I feel degrades its universality. Still, saying "big shots feel like bigger shots in small towns" is the sort of true-but-banal observation that seems almost mean in this context. Yes, of course!
It cant be true that EVERYONE is a shit head in town to the farmers, woodsmen, etc. So whats the point in framing it that way, really?
And if youre going to frame it that way, accept the critique when someone counters YOUR anecdotes (that makes general claims) with their own.
BTW, all due respect to the author - doesn't seem like an easy piece to write.
People are more concerned about how the argument is framed than working to prevent child abuse and other abuses that are common in rural areas.
Time for a little bit of perspective.
That's just it. You grew up in town. You were the problem for us farm kids you loved to shit on in every way possible.
This is/was our reality. Fuck you and your fucking delusional privileged townie attitude.
Quite rude. No need to use profanities. People used to say if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
Are you a white man, by any chance?
Are you a bigot by any chance? Do you question everyone’s race before you consider their words or only white men?
To be fair, whiteboys are usually the ones deserving of questioning. 🐶
Unpaid bot. :)
Frank Bard - your "Unpaid bot" comment (always the resort of people who have no rebuttal) reveals you as an uninformed useful idiot.
Frank knows "whiteboys are usually the ones deserving of questioning" because he just got done watching "Adolescence" on Netflix.
The programming has worked a treat on you.
Congratulations citizen. "We've got you denigrating your own race".
Good story bro. I honestly can’t tell if you’re really good at satire or you actually believe that s—t.
Well done.
As opposed to who? Walter Rhein?
Are you an educator and activist, by any chance?
You don't believe this guy's story because YOU are one of those people. I've met people like you who are highly judgmental and close-minded. I make an effort to avoid them.
Not fiction my friend
Not a real picture at all!!
People like this guy have learned to survive on a denial of the abuse they suffered. It's tragic really.
They key words there is you grew up there. Let me tell you my story. I moved to a small town when I was 11 and spent six miserable years there. I was immediately ostracized and bullied for being an outsider. I was told I was things I was not (gay). My belongings were repeatedly destroyed. I had no right to privacy whatsoever. They felt completely entitled to inflict whatever pain they could and no one even tried to stop them.
I took me a decade to recover from that trauma.
And do you know what it reminds me of? MAGA. MAGA reflects precisely what I experienced. It’s no small wonder a lot of people voted for Trump because he hates who they hate.
Small towns are great — if you were born there. Much less so if you’re not.
So you were one of the big fish he writes about, eh?
You wouldn’t howl so much if that didn’t strike so close to the mark maybe?
I’m 74 and lived in small town on the high plains until I graduated from law school. I say he nailed it, pard.
He's writing about his experience and how he learned to deal with bullies and discrimination.
I understand how this could make him feel it's universal and applicable to other small towns. He really went through a lot.
I read this and immediately felt compassion for his ordeals in what sounds like a dire place. But I disagree that all small towns are like this.
Small tows are why a criminal is in the oval office
Agreed. If true, name the town.
If you're real, why do you have ZERO subscribers?
The reality is most people have no idea how they live or come across. Most people are in oblivion. Trump jr doesn’t realize he’s sensitive, even though he wrote a book called triggered. His father has no idea he’s a bad father, and his child is not well-adjusted, writing books about he takes things personally. Most people subscribe to denial because the truth hurts too much.
Anything trying to dismantle or praise rural America misses the point. They’re just fellow bozos on the bus. Many of them believe in simple things: good/bad, god, I’m better than other people, im a good parent, I’m entitled to my actions. Very few people think about how their actions affect other people.
I’ve met many small town people. They’re just crazy as us city folk. Just as stubborn, ignorant,
delusional, angry, mean-spirited. We all suck, look at our president
the president got elected by small town voters
yeah, but maybe he got elected by us too. Our moral outrage, our acting superior to our fellow bozos, our need for denial/procrastination, our wanting to not rock the boat. Who knows. I don't think it's fair to blame one demographic when it's a more serious psychological and sociological issue, that has destroyed society time-after-time. It is righteous indignation, which allows you to deny logic for emotional comfort. We all have part in Trump, and honestly most countries and families subscribe to some form of authoritarianism, where you don't question who is higher than you in hierarchy, even if they are logically wrong. Bottom line, we deserve Trump, all of us.
I love how neutrally coded but extremely condescending and passive aggressive this "question" is. It's truly diabolical. I hope you never have a daughter in law.
Dang! Not my intention at all. Genuinely curious to understand his reaction.
Really. OK, let me reverse it for you.
I have a question and I don't mean this is a rude way at all - when you ask leading questions meant to characterize someone as close-minded and myopic before they can even answer, do you expect to get genuine, honest answers? Is it upsetting to you that someone would take exception with the premise and phrasing of your question?
Definitely not how I intended it, but I appreciate you putting it into perspective. I’m also from a small town and have a different perspective from the author
Asking someone if they expect to only read things on the internet that they agree with isn't passive aggressive? It's not condescending to ask someone if it upsets them when people have different points of view? Please. It absolutely is.
The title of this post applies this person’s perspective to “rural folk” generally and calls their life a “lie.”
If it were presented as solely the author’s perspective, that would be one thing. But (having spent twenty years in a Midwest small town and not particularly enjoyed it), I do get the sense that either the Midwest is particularly humane (possible!) or the author grew up in/near an unusually crappy town.
Yes totally- after a re-read I’m guessing the generalization in the title is where some folks are taking issue.
The generalization isn't restricted to the title.
I grew up on a dairy farm, 3 mi from the closest neighbor farm which belonged to my grandpa, and 15 mi from town. Which had a population of 1,200 souls and 6 churches. HS graduation class of 48 kids total. By 14 I could run all the equipment for a 1,000 acre farm, and milk 130 head, without any adult supervision. As well as drink beer and hunt, not in that order. At the time I hated back-breaking work, 7 days a week, regardless of -30 F or 95 F, starting every morning at 5 am. Were you sick? Cows need milking. Tired? Cows need milking. Break your arm? Cows need milking. But with all that, I have no idea what Walter Rhein was writing about. 40 years later, after years of living and working OCONUS and traveling to 99 different countries, I’m back living on a farm, dirt road and 1 mi driveway to boot. My neighbors with 4 legs outnumber to 2 legs by 100 to one. And I love it. I have no idea where Walter grew up but it’s unlike any rural part of the US I’ve been to.
It's interesting, because the first part of your comment describes exploitative child labor. That's abuse. Having young kids run equipment and work that hard is abuse. But yes, I realize it takes people a long time to realize that fact.
You call it abuse. I call it survival. And it is critical to a young boy growing into a real man. We had a rule at the dinner table, you don’t work, you don’t eat. And I ate A LOT. Sound harsh? So is fucking life. If I didn’t cut the hay on that 100 acres my dad told me to, and we missed getting it bailed before it got ruined by rain, our cows didn’t have enough feed through the long winter, and we didn’t produce enough milk to pay off the massive loans we needed every year to put new crops in the ground and run the farm. So when I literally got my ass kicked with size 11 steel toe boots for goofing off and not cutting that hay, I didn’t consider it abuse, it was a life lesson. As my dad was kicking my ass he was also explaining the facts of life. Did I hate him for it? I was a little upset that I couldn’t sit for a week but I did graphically see how my labor and efforts were actually critical to our existence as a family and a successful farm. I got it. And matured more in one ass kicking at age 14 than most young men I see these days even into their 30’s, and all the Dem boys regardless of age. Harsh? Yeah. Brutal? Maybe. But it was a few lessons like this that stayed with me all my life. Im sure if I had been put on Time Out instead I would have turned out a weak, pathetic loser of no use to anyone including myself. And probably be voting Democrat to boot. BTW, I fathered 3 wonderful young women. Each capable of field dressing game they shot by age 12. They never got their butts kicked but discipline did extend beyond time out on occasion depending on offense and child. And it all worked in the end. Each of my girls complained bitterly at the time, but each has told the wife and I, as they went out into the world, that we were right all along and they wouldn’t trade for any other life. Except to be born a Cargill. After all, have you ever heard of an unhappy Billionaire? Really?
Justifying abuse doesn’t mean it’s not abuse. We have child labor laws for a reason and rural areas routinely break them. All we have to do is tax the billionaires and people can live rather than survive, but rural areas don’t vote for that.
Is it getting through to you yet?
You see it. The key to the abuse is the bank loan that keeps them all kicking down, even their own kin. It is a rigged system that did not need to be that hard. Ever.
Wow, this is ugly. A real man? Nope. This is abuse that you've internalized so deeply that you think it's honorable. That's so sad.
I’ve seen one very unhappy billionaire lately…
What happy person claims he has an “unlimited capacity for ketamine”? Ketamine, if you didn’t know already, is a dissociative anesthetic- something happy people truly have no need for.
Yeah you kinda made an argument against yourself. :)
You lost me when you started generalizing and bad mouthing people who vote differently than you do, apparently. I live in Chicago, and believe me sport, I know some tough Democrats. Life lessons, maybe. Wisdom, you're never getting there.
Who are you talking to?
Dav Eka
Thank you!
I actually lived in and own property in downtown Chicago. I worked in corporate R&D as a polymer chemist and my lab was located 77 hundred S and 20 hundred W, heart of the hood. I commuted from near north every day and took public transport to work every day. South of Roosevelt I was usually the only white person I would see until arriving at work. It was also the 70’s so crime was through the roof. In 2.5 yrs only 2 altercations. I guess most thought a solo 6’1” blond white guy had to be a cop of some type. And I found WAY more wisdom on the farm than I ever found in Chicago. But the ribs, blues, and Black clubs were WAY better than found on the farm :) Had a great girlfriend who happened to be black as well. The sisters were not happy with either of us.
Please forgive me for boring you during a minute of your otherwise scintillating life. However, I not writing for you. I was replying to Mr. Rhein, author of the original post, who also wrote of his life in rural Hell. I disagreed with his contentions. But, pardon me, it seemed moronic to speedily write YFOS and STFU without establishing some authenticity first. Hence my life story you found so boring. In point of fact, the life story was provided only to add veracity to my disagreement with Mr. Rhein raining on the value of rural upbringing. And let me guess , you’ve never scooped a shovel of cow shit in your life. Or as me dad referred to it, “the smell of money”.
If your dad was making you shovel shit when you were a child, that was abuse.
We’ll have to agree to disagree. It was integral to me becoming a strong independent man myself. And my successful wife and successful daughters are glad that happened as well. Not abuse at all.
WTF? Mastery of a task and responsibility is child abuse? Children aren’t responsible for anything nowadays and something like 30% are on psychotropic medications.
Since when do red rural areas celebrate mastery or responsibility? They disrespect educated people and don't practice accountability.
You must be smoking the rock you have been living under
I’m not seeing Dav’s description of his youth as abuse. Most young people living on a farm would feel abused if they were not given opportunities to help on the family farm. Farm families usually consist of children who feel a close bond to and responsibility for the care of the land and want to make their own contribution to that land. I am sorry Walter that your experience was so awful. I cannot imagine growing up in that atmosphere. The community in which you resided seems to have been a strange example of small town America. Mine was very much the opposite of your own.
It is abuse though. You have been brainwashed into thinking it’s okay for children to be forced into labor—it isn’t okay. It’s abuse. Kids get into accidents all the time on the farm. We have to change our society so everyone recognizes the dangers rather than turning a blind eye to it.
Rural farms can only exist because of socialism and child labor. We need to change the system.
I’m a smart enough girl to know I have not been brainwashed. Your experience seems to have made you rather unreceptive to opinions other than your own.
Don't live in denial over the harm it causes young kids to operate heavy machinery.
Okay, poser. You just revealed yourself. You’re not writing non-fiction. You are writing pure fiction. Own it.
It’s not abuse to teach a child to do something useful, to teach them to do it safely and correctly, and to give them an important and fulfilling role in the family. And the reality of human existence for most of history is that child ‘labor’ was a necessary part of survival. Those who have never experienced its necessity need to check their privilege.
It's abuse to make children perform heavy labor. That's farm life.
You call it abuse, and I agree, but the Boomer generation, whose parents had no problem with it, was never questioned. That's how it was, in rural towns, you started working when you could on the family farm. Ask anyone who is between 60 and 80 years old who grew up on a working farm. I like to respect everyone's truth, or experience in life because I think we can learn from them.
This is why we have to correctly label it as abuse today. It helps to end the cycle of abuse.
You’re going to have better luck with this grift if you go ahead and transition.
Ten bucks says you didn’t grow up on a farm, bot.
Send me the $10 bucks. You lose.
Not you, Walt! LOL. That other Sez777 dude that keeps tagging me in here. I also grew up on a farm. He's a punk bot. :)
Oh, haha! Sorry Frank!
Couldn’t agree more about transing a child being almost the pinnacle of child abuse, or maybe metaphorically, the nadir. Regarding your earlier comment about violence and blacks, I also agree. You saw it in basic and other schools, where the black guys would wade into hand-to-hand and most of the non-black, but especially white, would hesitate or wimp out. Even the Asians weren’t as bad the whites, I think because most Asians in US military are going against their culture in the first place, so they are self selected for tougher than some white suburban boy who’s never taken a punch outside weekend Tae Kwon Do. In my later life, I listened to middle-age black professional men still priding themselves on being able to take a punch. I don’t think 1 in 500 white guys has voluntarily thrown or received a punch in anger. I believe physical altercations are important to boys becoming strong men. Not bullying or preying on the weak, but knowing how to fight and knowing it hurts, but that it’s nowhere near as painful as being a defenseless pansy. Peace and slavery are easy to get. Just give up.
yeah, I worked heavy equipment when I was young too. There's no excuse for that. Many farms have exemptions to child labor laws. There's cruelty in those places people can't imagine and that's why we have a criminal president
Reading the piece and the comments, I am wondering if there may be a regional aspect to some of this, possibly related to the cultures of the people who settled the area. Dav Eka’s dairy farm sounds like upper Midwest, possibly Minnesota. Lots of Scandinavians.
I used to work with some much older guys who grew up in rural Louisiana and Alabama. They still liked going there to hunt and fish. Now and then they would tell stories about the crooked sheriff, corruption etc. These were often funny stories, but the sense of corruption was implied.
Good guess on location. Wisconsin. Regional differences do exist. But we had cronyism too. The guy who owned the Ford dealership was the mayor. But when his son picked a fight with me in school, he got detention not me, even though I won on points. And we still bought Ford pickups.
Sounds just like my Wisconsin upbringing as well. Whereabouts were you? We were near Mayville.
My dad was the youngest of 3 boys who grew up on a dairy farm in Minnesota. His parents were not abusive, but he missed out on a lot of opportunities because he was a laborer for the farm. At 15 a professional baseball scout saw him play. This man offered to pay for someone to do my dad's chores if my grandfather let him play baseball in high school.
According to family and friends, I guess my dad was like Babe Ruth w a bat, but he also had a mean pitch.
My grandfather thought sports was a waste of time and the answer was, ‘Absolutely not, and don't bother me again.’
I think a piece of my dad died that day. I only heard the story from him one time and I could tell by the pain in his voice it bothered him. Fast forward and those same grandparents cut off my father and his brother because the eldest son spent all his time kissing their small-minded egos and talking trash about his siblings who didn't visit every day. So it was no surprise when my grandfather died everything was left to the eldest brother, and his son took over the farm. As my father's only child and daughter, I wasn't surprised. These were the same people who treated me as less of a person because I was a girl. Even more ironic is my grandmother ran that farm, was the first woman on the city council, and had polio. She was ahead of her time, except she wasn't. She doted on the eldest kids two boys, and taught them things I would have loved to learn, but I was my father's daughter, and we didn't do everything we were told, we had our style and tastes, which the eldest brother made fun of all the time.
My cousin got a 15 million dollar farm for free, and his brother, who was more like our family was picked on but still did hard labor every day despite the Dr. telling them he had severe asthma. Suck it up. Be a man, he compensated by almost drinking himself into a cell. My dad helped him with college and knew that doing so would result in him being the ‘ bad guy.’ My grandmother was an opioid addict which I didn't find out until after her death, and that gave me some answers to the craziness I thought was just sheer cruelty. My grandmother came from a family that had nothing, the farm was my great-grandfather's. My grandpa depended on her for everything because he was dyslexic and illiterate.
I look at the situation now and I don't have any feelings about it. It is what it is. My dad's other brother died in a motorcycle accident, and even though we lived in the same small rural town my grandparents were appalled that he took his family to Greece, Italy, Turkey, and Europe for vacations. I guess hid eldest brother who never worked a day in his life, spent most of his time with them badmouthing my mom, me, and my dad.
That cousin my dad helped go to college is now a multi-millionaire who is too good for anyone, but remarkably is now the apple of his father's eye. It was all about money, plain and simple. My father was one of the most amazing and wise individuals I've been blessed to know. He died at 68 of a rare cancer. I know what his family did hurt him, but I am grateful he chose to be the bigger person. You don't get to pick the people you are born to. It is what it is.
It's why none of us were a bit surprised that none of them came to visit, call, or do anything, we expected that. The day after my dad passed my uncle did stop by to ask if he could have my grandmother's guitar and their deceased brother's tool kit that my dad had restored because you know, everything wasn't enough. I never had children so in his mind the two things my father did get should go to his grandchildren.
Look, this is life but I can't and won't waste my time or energy on any of them.
They have done so many petty things it's almost comical, almost.
Some people are just born with no ability to see anything except what they were taught. They justify it as the only and best way, and if you are of a different opinion then you are the enemy, and stupid. I always smile a little when I think back to before I was able to call a spade a spade, or an ass a ass. I sensed it as soon as my brain was able to comprehend that I was treated differently by these family members. Even at 4, I knew. It baffles me how some adults think children are stupid. The sad thing is I swore to break that generational self-centered ego-based thought process because it is toxic. I did, I don't care who you are, where you come from, what you have or don't have. I will treat everyone with the benefit of the doubt. My father taught me that. It's one gift he gave me that has let me live a pretty amazing life. I don't care what you have or if you are a declared ‘ someone.’ It's that small-town mentality that has caused a lot of damage to a lot of people. Small towns in the Midwest love to play nice, act like Christians and justify their bigotry and lack of anything on anyone else but themselves. If you don't agree with their outlook on life, or with their beliefs, don't waste your time or energy trying to be civil.
IDK why but there is a rift between farmers and the city folk. At least there has been where I grew up. I don't visit that place because no one I know lives there except for one close friend who seems to always be dealing with some petty b.s. with the high school, or the gossip about her husband, etc.
I don't miss any of it. When everyone knows everyone's business, or assumes they do it leads to chaos. They live in an isolated reality show, where they are the star.
Please don't think this is the standard for every small town because it is not, but it is an unusual mindset that hasn't changed a lot in 30 years. Some of the kindest and most empathic people live in small rural farm towns, and some live in the largest cities.
But there is something unique about a community of 4000 people who don't have anything to do except work, watch tell a vision and never mind their own business;)
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry it has so much pain. We never had the inheritance problem since my dad sold to his brother when I was in grad school. Sorry also you got a girl treatment. Girls in my family (42 first cousins, 9 farms, counting mom and dad’s respective families) didn’t automatically get sent to the fields but could if they wanted to. And when we were harvesting they didn’t even have to ask, it was all hands on deck. So I shared milking with my younger sisters as required when they got old enough. And we cousins, boys and girls, all had 4H cows, hogs, or sheep every year. Kissed more than one cousin staying with stock overnight at the fair barns. And if any of us had been a sports phenom, everyone would have cheered and kicked in to send him onward. We did have lots of inter family farm sharing since our family farms were all within a single counties on each respective side. I was a boss welder from the time I learned at about 9yrs. My dad sold my services a bunch to other family operations. I started charging for myself once I hit 15 and got a Lincoln Ranger I mounted in my pickup to provide field welding for county farms. The point I’m making is my family all seemed positively related in that everyone helped others as required. Nobody asked often, but if help was needed, people showed. I packed almost as much relative hay as my dad’s. And nobody grumbled. Holiday dinners at the Grandparents were huge affairs with 50 or more people attending. Everybody got along except for the Canadian married by my one crazy Aunt. Downside was I didn’t have 2 parents, I had 18 counting Aunts and Uncles. Any one of which could provide whatever discipline deemed necessary. Funny how ‘Time out’ was never a thing. But I got more than one switch or belt. I had one Aunt that would make you go pick the switch she’d hit you with. I thought I was hilarious when I picked a dandelion. Last time I made that mistake. She picked a broom handle to illustrate the error of my ways. If It sounds abusive, I got hit harder in school than I ever got hit by an Aunt or Uncle. I got hit by teachers, Principals, and the asst Principal in HS. He had this paddle he drilled holes into to lessen air resistance as he whacked you. I got knocked out by my 9th grade history teacher. The young effeminate boys I see around today would have died before 10 in the environment I grew up in. The town kids didn’t get in fights with us country kids often. I think they weren’t used to getting hit as often as us hicks. So we’d wade right into a fight without a care. We knew the bruising went away in a week or so.
I think every rural town story reflects rural living. One thing I’ve noticed is the secrecy of some of the things that are allowed to happen. My family didn’t really do spanking, but i got a few. ( well deserved) I know when my father attended high school, teachers were allowed to smack the students around. Nowadays, that would not be an option. My family is small, but I think it's interesting that you grew up with a big family. ( something I have never experienced ) Thanks for reading my story, I honestly appreciate it.
But you turn your nose up at violence in the big cities because what? Your violence was better? I never got hit by any of my teachers. I once got a smack with a belt when I was probably 5 or 6 for riding my bike too far away without permission.
Yet I still grew up as a good moral person, had get togethers at my grandfather’s house with ALL the extended family, and would give you the coat off my back if needed.
And I’m a very liberal person who is not interested in changing your way of life (you do you) but don’t you dare turn your nose up at MY way of life. I have 3 children and a grandchild who are good, moral, compassionate atheists. I want to make everyone’s life better, including yours. Real men have compassion for others. Real men vote for Democrats who want your life to be better. You’re blinded by the conservative social dog whistles. Be better.
Near Pepin. Mississippi River wasn’t far.
Dav, your comment is so judgmental and superior that I'm deleting it.
This is such a farce it’s almost comical. “Get out of my my way varmint”, who talks like this?
Nice little piece of fiction
Nope, I lived this. A lot of people deny the reality of the corrupt rural USA, but they elect predators remember.
This is cool. Now do Chicago!
I appreciate your story and perspective, and empathize particularly with your recollection of childhood memories -- they are your own, and are valid.
Unless you have been oppressed, it can be difficult or impossible to conceive of; the feelings are real, the occurrence is real -- there are many places where it exists to a greater or lesser degree, big town or small -- if you are the one oppressed, you know.
Many small towns contain and, to this day, retain a kind and 'homey' community. Harder to come by perhaps in our frantic urban settings... I was lucky to have lived in both worlds all my life ('baby boomer' ;D), and found pockets of both worlds in every place. Seeing and being for others always felt like a great and gratifying way to cope -- a special opportunity!
Rural areas overwhelmingly voted for a criminal for president. The rot runs deep.
The KKK never evolved or faded -- a cult that truly runs deep and sadly has been encouraged and invigorated by fRump and his "party" -- clearly who his voters are, imho.
I’ve been to towns like this, they suck. I’ve seen them in the west and the east and the northeast. I’ve seen them in atheist maine and I’ve seen them in mennonite virginia. I’ve been to a lot of towns though, and most are not like that. I’m not calling you a liar, because I’ve seen worse than you described—shitholes that would be better off wiped off the map, where I would never go back if I could help it, and certainly not unarmed, but your experience isnt exactly universal. I’m sorry where you grew up sucked so bad. Most places arent like that though. Yet. You might like the story “the man who planted trees”. It’s about a small mean place like that and one man that turned it around, admittedly before meth was a thing, but still, a good story nonetheless. It’s short and excellent.
How can you know if the experience isn't universal? We know that rural areas in the US elect criminals. I mean... you can't suggest that you have lived in every small town in the US. Maybe they're all like that? Maybe more of them are like that than you are willing to admit.
Wow dude. Your head is in a pretty bad place. I hope you find peace.
rural towns vote criminals and rapists into positions of power
I hope this doesn’t send you into a spiral of despair, but this is is super common in cities as well.
As opposed to cities and towns? Why?
That's what I'm trying to figure out.
It is mind boggling Walter that you believe only rural towns elect criminals. The entire DC establishment is a criminal enterprise and has been for at least the last century.
It's pretty basic. The current president is a criminal and he was elected because of rural areas. You get it yet?
So who elected Biden then?
Or does your fevered, deranged mind think all the criminal-loving rural voting bloc went Democrat just 4 years earlier?
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou
That's a wonderful quote.
Angelou is a communist and her writing sucks.
I imagine it would have been the disappointment of her life that you feel this way and expressed it in the comments of a creative writing substack post. I am sure she would be crestfallen that you personally think her writing sucks. Perhaps, it is why the caged bird sings.
Sounds like you’re just miserable. You should have ridden dirtbikes.
Excellent article. Interesting to get the male perspective on rurality. I grew up half rural/half city. I spent a lot of time in tiny towns in the upper Midwest. My dad, a dairy farmer, bought & sold Holsteins. I went with him to diners, farms, auctions, dispersal sales, funerals, feed stores. I did a lot of watching & listening as I was often the only child in the room on those trips. I noticed how some men clutched their guns & some constantly stroked their big ol’ belt buckles. There was always a clear delineation between the men and the women in the small towns - something I noticed less in my home city of ~100k (a highly educated, wealthy city - though we were poor, pretending to be middle class). The pure gender separation in the little towns made me extremely uncomfortable. Same feeling I got when I watched “The Stepford Wives” (1975) for the first time, you know, the scene where they reveal all the wives were replaced by robots.
PS - I found ~40 maga neanderthals to block just from reading the comments on this article. Thank you, Walter! My Substack world is now smaller, but higher quality than it was 10 minutes ago. Deplorables proving your thesis, indeed.
Thanks Patti! I appreciate your comment. There were 40 MAGAs in the comments? I must have either blocked them or muted them already :) A couple I tried to reason with. It feels like their comments are becoming more desperate. I think more explorations of the reality of America’s “heartland” is a sore point that might pay dividends if we keep mining it. Thanks again for your thoughtful words!
I spent most of my childhood plotting my escape from the Midwest. I got to a big city with college & then moved to Manhattan, my ideal. I was Mary Freaking Tyler Moore! The minute I arrived in NYC, I felt at home for the 1st time in my life. People there walked as fast as me, talked as fast as me - even chatted with me in the neighborhood stores. What I loved most about moving there was I finally felt comfortable. I didn’t grow up there, but so many people were from somewhere else, it mattered not. I was accepted immediately.
In NYC, I wasn’t considered loud. Female co-workers didn’t complain that they found me intimidating. I was normal. People heard I was from the Midwest & said, “she must be a hard worker.” It’s the easiest place to live & thrive. There’s little separation between demographics - one can flow between different groups, castes, neighborhoods with ease. People are far more accepting in big cities. And the food, art, architecture, parks, libraries, education & business opportunities are vastly superior to small towns.
The intermingling of humans of varying backgrounds & ethos builds tolerance, understanding, empathy, knowledge. A dearth of intermingling delivers voters who will fear an accomplished Black woman so much, they will vote for a nepo-baby rapist, racist, idiotic grifter with a multiplex of bankruptcies who literally wants his voters to die poor, hungry & still stupid. They will vote against their own interests. They will believe a con artist autocrat over a a self-made success who’s had to work 5x as hard as any man & is actually qualified for the job in education, experience, temperament & character. They will do it twice (2015, 2024). They will call the female opposition a slut, but not the tyrant a rapist.
Small towns that seem only to spend money on architecture when it comes to their churches. These giant, expensive buildings that sit empty much of the time & don’t pay a dime in property, sales, income or any other taxes (while relying on public resources & lobbying governments to curb the civil rights of non-believers). These buildings that often house predators, abusers of their flocks are intricately adorned - the time, labor & money required for the creation & upkeep is an illogical burden to often depressed, low income areas. Most white churches preach that republicans are the righteous - hunger for power, money & control over civil rights drive both business models (religion & politics).
Damn straight we need to talk about why diversity matters. We need to discuss why believing in fake shit sets some humans up to believe lying dictators. Cults beget cultish behavior in all facets of life. I wouldn’t care so much if they weren’t legislating their anti-scientific life choices on the rest of us. Atheists are the majority in the US. Lots of people say they believe & go to services, but they’re lying to please family, friends, coworkers.
PS - Before you trolls tell me I’m full of shit, I do consumer research for the Fortune 500. People tend to be honest with strangers in 1:1 interviews designed by experts for candor. And stop trying to tell people that they didn’t live their own experiences. Go back to Twitter.
What a beautiful comment! You're fantastic Patti!
Patti, I cannot love this enough! You said it all. Are you a writer here on Substack? And Walter, thank you for sharing your truth. It wasn’t my life but I would never tell you not to have your perspective or feelings.
Thanks, Suzanne. I’m a writer. Newish to Substack. I’m working on a series of kids books to keep from going insane, but haven’t posted essays here. Thinking about it. My day job is listening to consumers talk about their lives & what motivates them - I’m a shrink for brands.
Patti, how interesting, I’m an artist currently illustrating a friend’s book, “What If I Can’t Hear?” (A cat who goes to the audiologist). I get trying to find any creative outlet! Also have a mural business and I just self-published a book of essays. Haven’t shared it here yet. Just sticking my toe in the water. Lol! I proofread too so reach out if you ever want that. I rarely find typos in Walter’s work! ;)
Thank you! I'm glad to hear that!
Suzanne, Funny - my kids book series is about a kitty & a monkey who become best friends. Last night, I tried to draw a cat for a concept board & failed. It’s clear I need an illustrator, a graphic designer & a conceptual art director to help me produce this - luckily I’ve got a day job that affords me contact with amazing creatives. I envy your ability to draw professionally. Consider publishing your essays here - start small & see if this is the right space. Thanks for being kind. (Yes, I too appreciate that Walter expertly proofs his work.)
Walter, your editing help was great! I did, however, just want to dive in to the self published collection of essays and see where it goes. I am gifting myself a “book launch” here in Phoenix with 50 “of my closest friends.” Lol! I will likely share on here when I figure out how. Lol!
Oh perfect! Where is the book available! I'll be sure to help you too!
It’s called, “Finding My Own Gold Star,” and it’s on Amazon. Also offering on another site but still working out the kinks. It’s a collection of memoir essays about motherhood, divorce, democracy, disability. To be honest, it’s such an intimate look at things, I am not certain how much I want it publicized. Lol!
Oh, okay, well let me know if you change your mind--or were you just kidding? I wouldn't want to mention it if you don't want me to.
Love what you say about New York. I'm a Midwestern suburbanite, but maybe because my mother was a proud New Yorker and even prouder to have been born in Brooklyn I've had an affection for it. Childhood visits to her relatives in Brooklyn and elsewhere on Long Guyland might have played a part too. But yeah, every time I have visited in my adult life has been great. New Yorkers are a different breed in a good way. Pick up your walking and talking pace a little and you're golden.
I left the metropolis to move to a small mountain town of slightly over 2000 because of PTSD. I have been here almost 30 years. Ironically, in the present age, I find my PTSD on the rise because I no longer feel safe being myself or living my truth. This was a beautiful example of the undercurrents of small towns. Thank you
Thanks for that comment!
On the contrary, nobody needs to agree with me. I have lived and worked in this place longer than the town I was born in. My children were born and raised here. As a provider of a therapeutic discipline, I have deep connections with many as I have served hundreds of families. I have lived here longer than the town I was born in. However, I am not arrogant enough to consider either place as belonging to me or to “them”.
I will say it again, excellent writing, remembering and using the lessons today. Many of us will need to throw ourselves on the barricades. Human Lives Matter
Stunning and brave, Greg
Thank you Greg!
People who are calling bullshit really can't comprehend the cruelty that exists in a small town. I've been the victim of it. Crazy that, as you said, I'm ready to die to protect myself now, and subsequently no one fucks with me anymore. My rage is my superpower.
Yup! People are saying it's not true even as they provide more evidence that it is. The small town problem is why a criminal is running the country. Thanks for the comment!
Literally! Gaslighting mf's.
I found elements of this piece to be extremely relatable. Thank you for sharing it!
Oh, scary scary. Rage. Hmph.
"Do you know who I am?" Ah, yes, that old arrogant phrase. One article I read on Quora suggests the proper response to that is "Hey, fellas, we got somebody who don't know who he is here."
Haha, that's a great response.
I am a former farm girl. Went to country school the first three years of my education. Then those schools were closed, and we were bused to the big nearby town of 1,300 residents. Many who depend on the farmers for their existence. I had the same behaviour given to me: names called, mocking behavior, and in general disgusting human behavior. Didn't matter that I graduated in the top 1 percent of the class and was going on to college. That was small town life. It was nice to find the rest of the world; of course, I always had the library and still do! Thank you for your writing; it clicks with me!
So much truth to your story. The scary thing today is the big law firms bending the knee and the Kamala's spouse is a partner in one of them. He needs to leave on principle alone. Love your writing
Uff... really? I hadn't heard that happened.
Never seen such a bunch of defensive 'small town" ninnies,
all of whom seem to have entirely missed the point of this wise piece:
Bullies back down if you call their bluff.
That's applicable to Trump, obviously, in this sad era where people in power are all running scared.
Derp, she said.
Is any of this true? Its sad & pathetic, either way.
You're saying my article is sad and pathetic? Does that sound like a respectful comment to you?
No it wasn’t, your article was blatantly, shocking stereotypically disrespectful to rural people. And I don’t believe for a second it reflects a lived experience, especially not one reflecting the majority.
NONE of it is true. Rhein makes stuff up.